Description: War Thunder is a next generation military MMO game dedicated to...
Raising a teenager the right way This is not an easy task for parents.
During puberty in adolescents, the internal balance is disturbed due to jumps hormonal background. Teenagers become irritable, impatient. A rebellious spirit awakens in them, which is caused by fear of their future. Attacks of laziness in adolescents border on stubbornness, which incredibly prevents both them and the adults around them from living happily.
The seeming sense of adulthood does not allow teenagers to accept help from their parents in solving their own problems, so communication between parents and teenagers will be more productive if parents understand what is happening with their child, empathize with him and help him cope with his condition than get annoyed and criticize him .
It is necessary to help the teenager raise him, and thus half of the problems will be solved. Do not leave your children without support during this difficult period of their lives.
Some parents allow their teens to do as they please. But left without support, teenagers come to the truth, stuffed bumps.
Even if these little adults do not listen to you, explain to them why it is necessary to do this or that. Why is it impossible to do something, just imposing a ban is not enough, this will cause a backlash. You have to negotiate with teenagers, argue with them. Only in this way will they feel that they are respected and that their point of view is considered. Only in this way will they learn to understand others, and most importantly their own parents.
How to educate a teenager: the psychology of communication
H
Start reshaping your attitude towards your teenager in advance, as he grows up. Decide for yourself where you can expand his rights and independence and at the same time increase the demand for him, increase the level of his responsibility.
Do not infringe on the rights of your children, but also demand from them the fulfillment of their duties. Adolescents constantly grope in relation to their parents that border that cannot be crossed, testing their patience. Be wiser, clearly define these boundaries. No matter how teenagers rebel, they do not want to see their parents as equals. You should be a model of adult behavior for your children.
Accept the teenager as he is, and support him in this difficult period for him. It is important that the process of education does not turn into a relationship between the "winner" and the "loser".
In any situation, do not break off relations with your growing children. With insufficient attention in the family to a teenager, he can fall under the influence of his peers, fall into a bad company, and there it is within easy reach.
In the process of education, think about what your words and actions in relation to your child can lead to. If you consider only the momentary situation, this can cause a reaction of protest, and your child will unconsciously or, worse, deliberately continue to upset you. In this case, tell your older child that his behavior upsets you, but do not yell at him. It is very important to find the right words in communication.
If your teenager does not want to study, ask him if you share his views on his future. If he (she) wants to successfully graduate from school, then for this it is necessary to fulfill in a timely manner homework. If a teenager is not successful in some subject, deal with him together. The learning process is much more effective when the teacher and the student solve the same problem together.
Teach your children to anticipate the possible consequences of their decisions. When your growing daughter is about to go on a solitary date with a young man and resents you for not letting her go because you don't trust her, tell her that you don't trust her, but situations where sexual attraction can take over the mind. Raise a teenage girl so that she is never left defenseless against natural instincts.
By properly communicating with teenagers, you will teach them how to maintain and develop relationships with other people. And then they will not have difficulties in their personal lives and careers. They will be able to fulfill themselves in life, they will not feel constant mental discomfort, and you will be calm and happy, avoid problems in communicating with a teenager. And it's all thanks to the right upbringing.
The transitional period is the most difficult in the upbringing of boys. Indeed, at this time, mom and dad go somewhat into the background for the child. At the age of fourteen and older, the boy seeks to gain knowledge from the outside, often resorting to the experience of his incompetent peers. It is very important not to miss this moment, not to let the child stumble, to make the wrong choice in their priorities. How to properly educate a boy at this age, how not to lose parental authority, and help a teenager make the right decision?
Read about how to properly raise a boy under the age of six, at six to thirteen years old, here:,.
- Fourteen years and older: becoming a man
Around the age of fourteen, a new stage of adolescence begins for a boy. As a rule, boys at this age are significantly stretched in growth, a dramatic change occurs in their body: testosterone levels increase by almost 800%!
Of course, everything is individual, but at this age all boys have something in common: the guys become more restless, stubborn, they have frequent mood swings. It’s not that boys change for the worse, not at all, it’s just that a new personality is born in them, and this process always involves some kind of struggle, it is never easy and smooth. A teenager urgently needs to find answers to the most serious questions that haunt him, set new goals for himself, plunge into new, never-before-seen adventures, and determine his own priorities for the future. Meanwhile, the internal clock mercilessly rushes them to live, demanding to get everything now.
It is during adolescence that we, parents, often lose contact with children. As usual, we do not keep up with the internal changes in the personality of our son, we present a standard set of requirements for a teenager: more diligence at school, more responsibility in communication, more housework. However, the teenage boy now needs something more. He no longer considers himself a child, both physically and hormonally he aspires to the adult world, while we try to keep him as long as possible in childhood, slowing down and interfering with his inner needs! It is not surprising that problems arise in the relationship between children and parents.
What is really required to raise a boy at this age is to lift the boy's spirit, to give him the opportunity to spread his wings, to direct his unbridled passion into some kind of creative direction. All the troubles that parents and their children are at risk of facing (teenage adventurism, alcohol, crime, drugs) are due to the fact that we adults have not been able to find worthwhile channels for the splash of unbridled teenage thirst for heroism and glory.
The boys peer into the adult world, but, unfortunately, they do not see anything that they really would like to believe in and in which they would like to take part. They begin to realize the ugliness and injustice of life. The guys want to break through to where it is better and cleaner, but they do not see such a place.
Then there is rejection. existing regulations and norms, a desire is born to do everything in one's own way, youthful maximalism awakens. It is useless to argue with them, it is pointless to try to impose your opinion. If you try to put pressure on a child, you can face insoluble problems, cause a real revolution. The child may completely get out of your control, and you will lose contact with him. But what, then, to do, how to properly educate a teenager boy?
- How to raise a son: wisdom from time immemorial
Problems with teenagers have existed in all ages, on all continents. But in ancient times, in every civilization, from African tribes to the Eskimos, teenage boys received special care and attention from their community. Ancient cultures knew that it was impossible for parents to raise a teenager boy without the participation of other adults who could be trusted to raise the boy and who were willing to participate in this process on a long-term basis.
We, unfortunately, have lost sight of this ancient wisdom, and are just beginning to comprehend it. Meanwhile, the benefits of this approach are obvious. It's no secret that fourteen-year-old boys and their fathers just drive each other crazy. And there is no need to look for the culprit here - this is just a fact that must be reckoned with. Often a father can only love his son. But at the same time to love and teach - it just doesn’t work anymore. Those men whom in their youth their father taught, for example, to drive a car, perfectly understand what in question. For some reason, two close men will certainly collide with their foreheads, which only exacerbates the problem of mutual understanding. Often, mothers at this time act as a real buffer between their sons and their fathers, so that a real war does not break out. The Pope is accustomed to, and firmly believes that his opinion is more correct, and his authority is undeniable. But the child is not at that age now, in order to simply accept this as an indisputable truth, he needs something more. If someone else, neutral, comes to the rescue, both sons and fathers become much calmer and more reasonable. This, again, is simply a fact.
Traditionally, two methods were previously practiced on how to properly educate a boy, which helped the young man enter an independent adult life.
Method one: teenagers were taken, so to speak, under the wing and tried to set “on the true path” extraneous adult men, as a rule, masters who could teach the boy some kind of craft. The child was simply given to the master in the service, and the parents had absolutely no influence on this process. The maximum that parents could offer was their moral support and wise advice. Being an exiled master was considered the greatest shame.
Method two: at certain stages, the elders of the tribe or clan conducted the initiation of young men into the sacrament of some profession. The upbringing of the boy completely passed into the hands of the elders, who subjected the teenager to serious trials, which ultimately had the goal of introducing him to adulthood. This approach taught the child independence, and also demonstrated how little he was aware of in life, taught him to appreciate the wisdom of older generations.
- Benefits of Tradition
In sharp contrast to the customs of the ancestors are modern relations parents and children, especially mothers and sons. Often, while maintaining the care of their mothers, the sons remain shy, indifferent and infantile. Such upbringing of a boy leads to the fact that the sons are afraid to maintain closeness to their mother, and therefore they cease to obey her, but at the same time, they cannot break away from her guardianship anyway, even when they become men. They transfer their dependent position to relationships in the future with any other of the women. Without passing the "initiation into the male brotherhood", they do not trust men and do not believe in male friendship. They do not want to take on any obligations to women, fearing that they will again be controlled, treated like a mother.
Only when the young people leave women's World, they will be able to break the mother's "umbilical cord" and begin to treat women in an adult way. Failures in personal life, betrayal, domestic cruelty are not necessarily the result of problems with women, the reasons lie precisely in the fact that the boys failed to go through the prescribed path of transformation.
Of course, it is difficult to give your blood into the wrong hands, without fear to entrust the upbringing of a boy to another person. But if men who are well known and trustworthy act as mentors, then there is really no reason to be afraid. In ancient times, women understood, intuitively felt the need for this help. Releasing a troubled teenage boy from the family, they got back a self-sufficient and mature young man.
Initiation into adulthood is not a one-time event. It may take many months to train a young man to take responsibility for himself, to behave like a man, so that he has time to gain strength and confidence, to become a real man. And so it was with our ancestors. Summing up their experience, we can conclude that the survival of any nation depends on the education of responsible and knowledgeable young people. Then the upbringing of the boy was a matter of life and death, it means no less today. Each society in antiquity developed its own program for educating men from young people, which involved the unification of the efforts of all adults. It is a pity that the fate of today's young men is mainly concerned only with their parents.
- In modern world
In general, the godfather of the child should take on the role of a mentor, but this is also a rarity today. As a rule, the role of the godfather is limited to gifts on New Year at a tender age and a couple of festive glasses for the health of the godson at his birthday. When does it really begin to require help and fulfillment of duties godfather, he retreats somewhere and imperceptibly disappears from the field of view. If this is not the case in your family, you are incredibly lucky, urgently connect your godfather to raise a boy, play the role of a mentor and confidant.
- Calling on others for help
From the age of fourteen to the age of twenty, the boy is actively moving from childhood to the adult world, moving away from his parents. At this moment, parents need to consciously independently retreat into the background, but at the same time, without letting their son out of sight, without losing a trusting relationship with him. Right now he is building his own life, completely separate from his family. Of course, parents may not be ready for this, but they will have to accept that the child has grown and come to terms with it. The son has teachers whom the parents barely know, interests unknown to them, goals and aspirations, in achieving which the parents are unlikely to be able to help him with anything. The picture is scary enough. That is why, it is necessary that a reliable person is with your child at this moment.
A teenager at fourteen or sixteen is not ready to be face to face with the adult world. He needs guides to this world, and it is this role that is assigned to mentors. We have no right to leave children unattended, and even more so at such an acute age.
A mentor is much more than a sports coach or teacher: a special trusting relationship develops between him and the boy. Not always a sixteen-year-old teenager can tell his parents everything, he does not always obey them - at least out of banal stubbornness. With a mentor, it's completely different. Adolescence is a time of "delightful mistakes" that boys inevitably make, and the task of the mentor is to prevent fatal mistakes from being made. Many questions and experiences that a teenager's head is full of at this time, he cannot discuss with his parents. And there is nothing to be offended by him for this, because it was his parents who taught him what is good and what is bad, what is decent and what is not - this is a good reason to hide your doubts and reckless actions from them.
The only thing that parents can and should do is to take care of the selection of a reliable mentor, having done it on their own, but without waiting for the boy to entrust his fate into the hands of the same unintelligent teenager or some kind of street swindler. Choose a mentor yourself, guided by strict criteria. A good help is the entry, say, into a family sports club, public organization or simply having a loyal group of friends.
You really need friends who can play the role of caring uncles, participate in their upbringing. They can have conversations with your child on the most different topics, ask about your son's interests, exchange opinions. It would be ideal if your friends can sometimes clear your son's brains, and he, in turn, will cry into his vest at times when relations with his parents are somewhat tense.
By the way, you can also provide similar assistance to the children of your friends. Believe me, teenagers are really adorable, they are amazing conversationalists and friends, unless they are your own children!
- The danger of retreat
Reclusion is dangerous in all its manifestations. Teenagers suffer greatly if their parents live a closed isolated life. Parents must communicate with people, “go out into the world”. You must have friends and your own company, in which your children could join. Children should understand by your example how to choose the right friends, the right company for communication.
Suffering from a lack of communication, children can rejoice at any attention to their person, even the most unworthy people. They may be in bad company. So be sure to try to short leg» with your child's friends, chat with them, host them. So you can adjust the upbringing of the boy and the influence of others on him.
Some teenagers, on the basis of seclusion, loneliness and inability to form a social circle around themselves, begin to suffer from mental illness, suicidal tendencies, and anorexia. And someone, on the contrary, against isolation, there is a strong protest, and then the boys can get into bad companies, join drugs, crime.
Take care in advance that your son did not have problems entering the big adult world, there were no dramatic and risky moments. Raising a boy properly is impossible in seclusion.
- If there is no mentor
Entering adulthood without a reliable shoulder nearby, a young man can face many problems along the way. A boy can get involved in a merciless and useless struggle with his own parents, wanting to assert himself and defend his independence. A teenager can isolate himself and become depressed. Children at this age have to look for many answers to very difficult questions that life puts in front of them - about sex, the choice of education and career, attitudes towards alcohol and drugs. It is very difficult for them, they need the support of their parents and the help of others more than ever.
Young people are trying to choose their own way of life, as best they can. They can just get bogged down in the Internet, in religion, or they can get carried away with sports or music, surfing or rock. When adults are not able to share the circle of interests of the child and organize communication and development in this direction, children themselves create their own groupings. In most cases, such "gatherings" are based only on general loneliness and lack of recognition, on flimsy connections of interests, but absolutely no positive skills and knowledge necessary for life cannot be given to children. At worst, the children are influenced dangerous people who use their naivete and inexperience to their advantage.
Worst of all - to leave a teenager to the mercy of fate. This should not be done in any case, especially if your contact during this difficult period was broken and you lost a trusting relationship with your son. That is why truly professional teachers, sports coaches, leaders of various youth organizations are simply necessary - adults who are sincerely interested in the younger generation. Our society and our children need people who can bring order into the lives of teenagers.
Today, mothers are the most active in matters of how to raise a son, fatherhood is just beginning to revive. And real problem remains mentoring. But, if you set out to raise your son as a real full-fledged man, you can overcome these difficulties and attract the right people to help.
- Drawing conclusions
Conclusion one: In the period from the very birth of a boy to six years old, he needs a lot of tenderness and attention so that his son learns to love. You need to properly educate a boy by talking with him, teaching him elementary life skills. As a rule, the mother copes best with this role, although the role of the father is also far from the last, he also needs to take part in the upbringing of the boy.
Second conclusion: Around the age of six, the boy begins to show great interest in everything that relates to men. The father during this period becomes the main parent. It is extremely important for how to properly raise a boy, how much attention and time the father will devote to his son, what exactly he will teach him by his example. The role of the mother is still important, but she needs to give way to the primacy of the pope.
Conclusion three: From the age of fourteen, a boy needs mentors - adults who can help, teach, set on the true path, who show personal care for the child, helping to gradually move into the adult world.
Fourth conclusion: Single mothers are able to raise their son well, but they need to carefully approach the choice of a man who can be a worthy role model. In addition, single mothers themselves need to understand and instill this idea in their sons - mothers need to devote more time to their own health, because they do parental work for two.
A little more about how to properly raise a boy:
A daughter is growing up in the family, your beauty, your favorite. You rejoice in her successes and deal with minor troubles together. However, time goes by, and it's time to think about the fact that the child will soon enter a transitional age.
What changes occur in the girl's body?
At the age of 11-12 years, work intensifies thyroid gland and the pituitary gland for hormone production. This causes rapid and disproportionate growth of the body. The girl spends a lot of time in front of the mirror, studying the changes in her appearance, often frightening her. Therefore, you must be careful with remarks about the child's appearance.Mood swings, irritability are also associated with an increased release of sex hormones into the blood, due to which the child acquires secondary sexual characteristics. Hormones cause an excess of sexual energy, which the girl realizes according to known reasons can not. All this powerful potential spills out in the form of outbreaks of aggression, insolence and disobedience. Parents should remember that in transitional age sharply increases the function of the adrenal cortex. This means that the child is constantly under stress.
How to help a teenage girl through this difficult period?
Close to peers. It is very important for a teenager to be “like everyone else”. Therefore, pay attention that the daughter is dressed as is customary in her environment, that she would have all the accessories that are significant in the circle of teenagers. This is very important: the “poor” become the object of ridicule and persecution. If a girl's teeth, skin, hair are not in order, do not leave it unattended. She will avoid communication, be shy of people. And the attitude towards closed teenagers among peers varies from indifference to open persecution.
Encourage your daughter's interest in sports, dance, and music. Let her attend circles in the system of additional education, try herself in different types activities. Encourage her to participate in school competitions, olympiads, competitions.
Tips for parents. I can say from my own experience that if you are authoritative for your child, then big problems will not. But if there was no time to communicate with her before, then in adolescence, the girl is unlikely to let you get close.
The daughter shared with you some "terrible secret." Save it, don't tell anyone. The girl will appreciate your reliability and will trust more serious things in the future.
I want to draw the attention of some parents: sometimes you see a girl with quite ordinary external data, and even a C student, and self-esteem is inflated to indecent proportions. So don't overwhelm your child. Such girls are touchy, infantile, poorly oriented in real life. In addition, the surrounding people will treat such behavior unambiguously negatively.
I do not advise readers of MirSovetov to hit the other extreme. You should not shame the girl on every occasion, humiliate, speak disparagingly about her appearance and studies. Under these conditions, a ready victim grows up with an inescapable sense of guilt. She cannot stand up for herself, rushes to any man, as soon as he treats her in a good way. He agrees to any job, does not know how to demand decent pay, respect for himself. Later comes the realization of a spoiled life with all the ensuing consequences ...
It is important to maintain a balance in which the authority of the parents is maintained. At this age, it is important to instill in the girl some stereotypes and behaviors. But you need to do it in a friendly way, not forcing.
Teach your girl to take care of herself daily.
Face. Pure, elastic, tender is the best decoration for a teenage girl. My daughter and I have a rule of four: - do not touch your face with dirty hands;
- do not use any radical means (this includes scrubs, alcohol-based lotions, now popular designer soap, it is not known what it is made of);
- follow the work;
- wash off makeup at night.
The trouble of many teenagers is acne. In general, you should not focus on acne, because. this is the work of hormones, and not a disturbed metabolism. But since you still can’t forbid squeezing, I advise MirSovetov readers to teach their daughter how to do it with the least losses. Before the procedure, let him wash his hands with soap and water. Painful areas should be wiped with toilet water with a high alcohol content. If these are black comedones, you need to steam the skin by applying a towel dipped in hot water to it. After removal of blackheads, the skin is again treated with alcohol. All manipulations are best done in the evening - during the night the damaged skin will heal.
Hair. Focus on hygiene. If a long hair you can wash 2-3 times a week, then short ones - every other day. Now there is a large selection of shampoos with a neutral pH. Help your daughter choose a hairstyle for her face, this is now easily done using a computer program. It's better not to rush. Explain to your teenager how badly exposure to the sun or frost with an uncovered head affects the condition of the hair.
It happens that in girls in adolescence they begin strenuously. You need to visit a doctor, but we coped with this misfortune using classical methods. Brew a handful of birch or nettle leaves in 2 liters of water and rinse your hair after washing for a month. Another proven recipe for rinsing is to boil burdock roots (a glass of dry raw materials for 2-3 liters of water) for 15 minutes and strain. The healing effect of these procedures continues until the next.
Arms. Not every girl can boast of the classic shape of her hands, but their condition depends only on her efforts. The first rule is cleanliness. The second is the ideal condition of the nails.
Daily nail care is very important for a girl who wants to have beautiful hands. I bought a high-quality manicure set for my daughter and taught her how to do a simple manicure. She immediately explained that at her age, the best option would be a transparent varnish in delicate shades. To develop the strength and flexibility of the fingers, I offer exercises that we do every day:
- Clench your fists as if you were quickly grabbing something from the air - 10 times.
- Unclench your clenched fists with a sharp tossing motion, as if splashing water in someone's face - 10 times.
- Spread the fingers of your left hand. Now with two fingers right hand try to slowly spread to the maximum distance every two fingers on your left hand. Change your hand.
- Squeeze a small rubber ball in your hand each time with different strength - 10 times. The same - with the other hand.
Menses. At the age of 11-16, a cardinal change takes place in the body of a future woman - menstruation begins. Prepare your daughter for this in advance, explain the mechanism of menstruation. Calm down - many are afraid to bleed. Do not spare money for good pads: it happens that a girl does not sleep well, being afraid to stain the bed linen.
The toilet of the genital organs on critical days is carried out as needed.
It is categorically impossible to douche, because. during menstruation, the cervix is ajar. Douching for girls is generally contraindicated.
Now tampons are produced in different sizes, so even a virgin can choose the right one. Another thing is when, together with the tampon that the girl held in her hand, before opening the door of the school toilet, a huge amount of microorganisms enter the vagina. Therefore, the girl should be explained about tampons, but they should be banned. I allowed my daughter to use only pads.
Communication Lessons
Children adopt the style of communication and behavior of their parents. You can be rude in the store - and your daughter will be rude. Are you afraid of conflicts and prefer to remain silent? And this will be recorded in the memory of the child as a priority. I tried to convey to my daughter simple truths: "Do to people the way you would like them to do to you."
We live among people, and all our actions have a "boomerang effect". They come back to us, good and bad. You said an offensive word to a classmate or even a teacher. Maybe she just wanted to show off her wit in the circle of her peers? And it came to her, and even with other people's conjectures. And you became enemies, besides, her relatives, friends and acquaintances were offended for the victim ...
I advise my daughter, in the midst of a quarrel with a friend, to shut up and silently count to ten. During this time, resentment will recede a little, the mind will clear up and the right words will be found.
Relationships with young people. This topic is gradually becoming the most important among teenage girls. I think there is no need to remind the readers of MirSovetov about the importance of maintaining the daughter's trust so that she is not afraid to be frank. If she has a young man, keep the situation under control, but within reasonable limits. Let him come to the house, find out more about his family. You need to gently, unobtrusively tell your daughter how a girl should act in a given situation, give examples from her life.
The mother should warn the girl about all possible dangers (venereal diseases, early pregnancy, the possibility of violence). From early childhood, I taught my daughter to resist any touch that she did not like. The rapist would rather prefer an unrequited victim than one that will break out, scream loudly, squeal, hit.
Teen sex. One of the most powerful human instincts is the instinct of procreation. Usually, parents believe that adolescents have sexual intercourse Great love. In fact, everything is much simpler. by the most common causes are curiosity, the desire to make adults out of spite, the desire to be “like everyone else”, and simply thoughtlessness, the inability to refuse.
My neighbor has a daughter, a quiet calm girl. Nothing foreshadowed trouble, she did not meet with anyone, in the evenings she sat at home. When missed, it was too late to terminate the pregnancy. It turned out that everything happened on the farewell of a cousin to the army, and it was with his brother. A boy was born. The young mother recently turned 15 years old. Daddy is afraid to go home from work, because. the newly-made grandfather promised to tear off his head ...
When I had a suspicion that my daughter's relationship with the boy had gone far, I sat her down next to her and outlined the principle and methods of protection with the utmost simplicity. Today's young men, for the most part, do not like to "strain" and will very easily put all the consequences of unprotected sex on the girl's shoulders.
The "advice" of more experienced friends can lead to disastrous consequences. In the teenage environment, such strange recipes from the “flight” roam, such as injection of foam into the vagina for, douching mineral water, using deodorant or air freshener instead of spermicide.
I believe that this is not the case when you can beat around the bush. If you yourself cannot talk to her about such a topic, ask your sister, eldest daughter, grandmother - if only the girl trusted this person. The map is health and all further fate your daughter.
Women's duties have not been canceled
Cleaning and order in the house. The future housewife should be taught to household chores from early childhood. If you followed your daughter until the age of 14, washed her things, cleaned her room, now do not expect economic zeal from her. Anyway, girl should know common truths maintaining order in the house: “Each thing has its place”, “It’s clean not where they clean it, but where they don’t litter it.” Gives good results American system"Flylady" ("Jet Housewives"). Its principle is to get rid of unnecessary things, to separate cleaning zones and the ability to "steer" time. As a result, maximum results are achieved with minimum effort.
We go to the kitchen. A miserable impression is made by an incompetent person in a university dormitory, at a youth party, at a party under the gaze of a future mother-in-law. She does not know how to cook dumplings, pancakes stick to the pan, milk runs away ... Some white women also flirt with their inability to live. The "handlessness" of the daughter is a harsh rebuke of the mother. Life sooner or later will force a woman to do kitchen work. "The mother will not teach, so the strap will teach." From childhood, involve your daughter in washing dishes, teach you how to cook simple meals. Let her have her signature dish.
Needlework. With stupid hands there is no smart head. Both lively girls and noteworthy quiet people in adolescence begin to be interested in applied art. Please encourage this initiative. The direct duty of every mother is to instill in her daughter at least the initial skills of needlework. Sewing, embroidery, knitting not only give unique author's things and satisfy the aesthetic sense, but also teach the girl to attention and patience. Small repetitive movements have an anti-stress effect on nervous system. And once again I will remind the readers of MirSovetov about simple rule: it's easier not to force, but to show by example. If you sat down to watch a movie together, instead of chips or popcorn, take a canvas with floss, and let your daughter knit.
Get a young needlewoman a working basket, the role of which can be played by a capacious box or casket. Let her have her own sewing supplies, hooks and knitting needles! Such equipment will force her to turn again and again to the work begun. If a girl knows how to insert an elastic band herself, hem a skirt and tie socks, this is already a path to independence.
Encourage your daughter to participate in various product shows. It attracts the attention of both peers and adults. They begin to treat the girl with respect, admire her talents; want to be friends with her. This is a child, his activity in society.
We all want our daughters to live in harmony with themselves, with the world and with their nature. And it is in our power to help them to master the skills and abilities that will help them overcome the difficulties of life.
The phrase "adolescence" has a frightening effect on parents. All mothers and fathers, with rare exceptions, understand that this period, which experts assess as a difficult stage with a fateful decision, is not the easiest in a child's life.
A teenager is in conflict not only with others, but, first of all, with himself. So, falling in love is regarded as a feeling of the highest order, parental care - a tough dictatorship.
Making mistakes, trying to independently take steps in "adult" life, the child says goodbye to childhood. However, the reality is that the immaturity of social adaptation again returns him to children's World. And all because making decisions is freedom, and being responsible for them is an unbearable burden that a teenage maximalist is not ready to accept.
Features of adolescence
The long-awaited moment when a teenager enters adult life precedes an ambiguous period of personality formation. The duration of this stage of development is approximately 7 years. The age of eleven is the beginning of a sharp change in the mental component of a teenager, the intensive formation of the physical parameters of the body. A significant jump in growth is comparable to the lightning-fast development of the fetus from conception to 2 years.
The angular figure of a teenager, due to a certain awkwardness, lack of clear proportions, is an indicator of the rapid growth of the skeleton, behind which the muscle tissues do not have time to develop. A significant increase in the volume of the heart muscle, lungs allows breathing to be deep and fulfill the main task: to provide oxygen to a growing, young organism. The general condition of a teenager is subject to pressure fluctuations, which provokes a headache.
Adjusting at the level of hormones, the body young man on the way to puberty. An increase in the number of estrogens in, the amount of testosterone in - the norm during the period of growing up.
Androgens, the level of which is also growing, contribute to the formation of secondary sexual characteristics. What are all these changes leading to?
From a medical point of view, these processes give rise to a completely justified and understandable change in mood, make unstable emotional background, cause an increase in excitability, sometimes accompanied by an extreme degree of impulsivity.
Depressive states can also become a consequence of adolescence, namely: character actions, feelings of anxiety, behavioral problems.
Adolescents prioritize relationships with peers. Trying on completely different social roles, a child at this age is in active search own awareness. The worldview formed by society, an irresistible desire to understand oneself - all this causes contradictions, problematic perception of situations.
Early adolescence: 10-11 to 14 years of age
This period is regarded by experts as an intermediate component between last days childhood and later adulthood. The irresistible desire to become a part of the world of "fathers" is so strong that the central part in life begins to be occupied by society, namely: peers.
At the level of physiology, everything is quite clear. The cerebral cortex can no longer control subcortical processes, control is weakening and the teenager is simply not able to respond to emotions. All reactions proceed quite slowly, hence the misunderstanding between adults and children, because there is no longer instant obedience, unquestioning submission, and the answer to the question does not immediately follow.
Changes in the psychological component occur in interaction with, which is weakening at this stage, and thinking. Sensitivity to the opinion of the surrounding people about the teenager increases, which leads to an extreme degree of resentment. Some guys are ready to remain silent, hiding their feelings, others are rebellious, demonstrating a rejection of all norms.
Middle adolescence: 14 to 16-17 years old
14 years is the time of gradation of moral attitudes along with social ones. Doubting, doing actions in the likeness of elders, the teenager is absolutely not sure to the end, therefore, at the slightest request to explain his motives, rudeness, accompanied by irritability, stubbornness, resulting in disobedience.
Feeling the world through the perception of oneself sometimes leads to extremes. Excessive solitude, constant loneliness - a signal for parents. This does not mean that thinking in silence is dangerous for life, but the systematic nature of this should alert.
Sometimes some teenagers, under the pressure of social circumstances, do not show the desired emotions, others emotionally, falling into extremes. For example, often a child accuses adults of inability to restrain these words.
The rejection of the opinion of "fathers" by adolescents saddens adults. It happens that violent irritability is associated with an imposed opinion about following in the footsteps of parents. Tactics on the part of adults are losing, because they give rise to a protest that can end in a scandal, and sometimes even leaving the walls of the house.
Late adolescence: 16-17 years to adulthood
The behavior of adolescents at the stage of 16 years is subject to their self-regulation. Values gradually begin to be arranged in a hierarchical order. The motives that encourage reflection and reflection form a partial understanding of the existing legislation in the world of adults, which will have to be adopted. 
17 years is the age of choice, which is not easy for a teenager to make. Fear of making a mistake, not coping with the tasks set leads to passivity in actions, evasion. The turning point comes at the end of schooling. Society puts pressure on, and the teenager is confused.
The tendency to dwell on long thoughts, youthful fear of failure - all these are features of a teenager at 17 years old. Excessive guardianship of parents, tireless vigilance for the life of a child, diktat can give rise to a doubting child, which will gradually develop into stiffness.
What are the difficulties in education?
Difficulties in organizing the educational process in relation to children are overcome by adults: and. When making demands, a parent can get into trouble if he himself does not correspond to the settings that he sets for his children. Adults, who are an example that does not differ in words and deeds, cope with the educational task more easily. 
Parents not showing proper level of care for their own children in the first years of life, when maternal affection and paternal support are so necessary, causes difficulties in education.
The dominance of a career in the hierarchy of parents' values distorts the adolescent's idea of the family, which is why family ties weaken, and children move away.
Guardianship on the verge of parental insanity has a suffocating effect on a teenager. If care was manifested in childhood, then these are emotions familiar to children. In the case when parents over the years have come to the realization of insolvency as moms and dads, then, having realized zealously, you can come across a protest.
Common mistakes parents make when raising teenage sons
For some reason, it is customary in society to consider that educational position in relation to young men to be correct, when only a harsh drill is able to form a real man in every sense. And the experience received by fathers from their parents, when such a dictatorship left in their memories only a broken and crippled youth, is not taken into account.
Of course, masculinity is instilled from childhood. That's just depriving the boy of manifestations of affection, feelings of parental love, attention to his world, you can bring up a cruel and insensitive man. It also happens that the obsessive desire of adults to raise a young man according to their own model dominates, the features of an individual character are not taken into account.
The exclamation is dangerous: “You are the future man!” The child undergoes changes in the psyche as he grows up, so masculinity is formed gradually, and the manifestation of certain “weaknesses” is acceptable for everyone. If an adult is inconsistent in the educational process: he indulges or falls into ardent punishment, then you won’t have to wait for a positive result.
Quarrels between father and mother, in front of a growing son, will eventually become the cause of cruelty against women. The same indicator lies in the inconsistency of the actions of mom and dad in raising their son.
Comparison with peers, an emphasis on unacceptable behavior, and the imposition of negative attitudes are detrimental to the formation of a young man. Abusing the intellectual development of a young man to the detriment of the physical is unacceptable.
Common mistakes parents make when raising teenage daughters
The mistakes of parents are also obvious in the organization of the educational process in relation to their daughters. Installations are erroneous when strictness is the best leverage on a quick teenager. The so-called mittens, "hedgehogs", will never have an effect if the girl does not receive a greater degree of well-deserved tenderness, paternal care, maternal care.
The other side of the coin is manifested in upbringing, when the daughter is lifted up by her parents on a pedestal. By turning the life of a child into a fairy tale by overprotection, a mistake is made that can cost the daughter dearly in the future. Permissiveness in the conditions of such upbringing distorts the perception of the world, forms the feeling that everything is created only for the child, and if desired, everything can be easily obtained.
The position when the daughter is a friend, an ally is flawed, and, first of all, for the most maturing girl. Maternal willfulness in discussing any issues, including intimate ones, will break the fragile child's psyche. Excessive secret criticism of the behavior of the father can also serve as an obstacle in relations with men in the future.
Some parents resist the birth of a daughter, not accepting the gift of fate. Therefore, they take on the responsibility of raising a masculine offspring from their daughter, in whom they secretly want to see a son. Despite resistance, they take all efforts in this blasphemous act of education.
Parents often believe that when a child is small, he needs reverent care, maximum attention. And indeed it is. That's just a teenager during puberty resembles a baby who is helpless and lonely. Just as it does not seem sensible to leave a baby unattended, it is impossible to leave a growing child on a long path of becoming.
Dialogue is the best verbal interaction with a teenager, since neither democracy nor dictate can fully satisfy the need for communication between close people. Knowing the circle of communication of the child, the problems occupying his head, the parent shows his participation in the life of his beloved child. Caution in estimates appearance child, his interests will earn respect from the teenager.
The period of transition from childhood to the world of adults is marked by a aching feeling of loneliness. It is at this stage that a teenager needs to communicate, namely: to speak out and be heard. However, you should not encourage the wrong behavior of the child. To do this, again, it is worth resorting to dialogue.
An example set by the parent himself, when the use of swear words, condemning speeches, accusatory facts about other people is not welcomed and promoted in the family is the most the best remedy in raising a worthy person.
