Types of psychological assistance and psychological counseling. Psychological counseling

Interesting 21.09.2019

– Applied branch of modern psychology. In the system of psychological science, its task is to develop theoretical foundations and applied programs for providing psychological assistance to mentally and somatically healthy people in situations where they face their own problems.
Target psychological counseling (according to R. Kociunas) is defined as the provision of psychological assistance, that is, a conversation with a psychologist should help a person in solving his problems and establishing relationships with others.
Principles of psychological counseling:
- benevolent and invaluable attitude towards the client;
— Orientation to the norms and values of the client;
- careful attitude to advice;
— differentiation of personal and professional relations;
- the involvement of the client and the psychologist in the counseling process.
Psychological counseling usually consists of several meetings, separate conversations.
In general, psychological counseling how the process is broken down into four steps:
1. Getting to know the client and starting the conversation. This stage can be divided into a number of sub-stages: the first contact, encouragement, a short pause, the actual acquaintance, formalities, "here and now", initial questioning.
2. Interrogation of the client, formation and testing of advisory hypotheses. Sub-steps: a) empathic listening; b) accepting the model of the client's situation as temporary; c) structuring the conversation; d) understanding the model of the client's situation; e) criticism of hypotheses; f) presenting your hypothesis to the client; g) criticism of the hypothesis, finding the truth.
3. Making an impact. Sub-steps: a) let the client live with new knowledge; b) correction of client settings; c) customer behavior modification.
4. Completion of psychological consultation. This stage includes: summarizing the conversation; discussion of issues related to further relations of the client with a consultant or other specialists; parting.

Types of psychological counseling

1. Intimate-personal counseling. It is carried out on the problems of psychological or behavioral deficiencies that the client would like to get rid of; personal relationships with important people about various fears, failures, deep dissatisfaction of the client with himself, intimate relationships.
2. Family counseling. It is resorted to when choosing a spouse, in order to prevent and resolve conflicts in intra-family relations and in relations between family members and relatives, regarding the solution of current intra-family problems (distribution of responsibilities, economic issues of the family, etc.), before and after divorce.
3. Psychological and pedagogical consultation. Psychological and pedagogical counseling provides for a discussion by the consultant and the client of the issues of teaching and raising children, improving the pedagogical qualifications of adults, improving pedagogical leadership, and managing children's and adult groups.
4. business consulting. Business consulting is associated with people overcoming business problems of choosing a profession, improving and developing abilities, organizing work, improving efficiency, and conducting business negotiations.

Differences between psychological counseling and psychocorrection and psychotherapy

Traditionally, there are three types of psychological assistance:
— psychological counseling;
- psychocorrection;
- psychotherapy.
They are the impact on various parties individuals and have differing goals and methods, can be used separately and in combination.
The main goal of psychological counseling is the formation of a personal position, a specific worldview and outlook on life, fundamental and non-principled aspects of human existence, the formation of a hierarchy of values.
The task of psychological correction is the development and mastery of skills that are optimal for the individual and effective for maintaining the health of mental activity that contributes to personal growth and adaptation of a person in society.
Psychotherapy in the narrow sense of the term, its main task is to relieve psychopathological symptoms, through which it is supposed to achieve internal and external harmonization of the personality.
The difference between different types of psychological assistance can be determined by parameters such as:
- goal;
- an object;
- subject;
- method of exposure and position of the patient.
The main differences of psychological assistance

Parameter	Psychological counseling	Psychocorrection	Psychotherapy
Object of influence	patient, client	patient, client	A patient
Subject	Problem, individual psychological characteristics	Problem, characterological deviations and personality anomalies	Psychopathological symptoms and syndromes, characterological deviations and personality anomalies
Way	Informing, training	training	Active influence (therapy) in various ways
Client position	Active, responsible for the result		Passive, not responsible for the result
Impact targets	Formation of a personal position	Formation of psychological compensation skills	Relief of psychopathological symptoms

The main directions in family counseling

Family counseling is one of the varieties of family psychotherapy, which has its own features and boundaries of therapeutic intervention. Family counseling has evolved in parallel with family therapy mutually enriching each other.
main goal The challenge facing family counseling is to examine the problem of a family member or members in order to change the interaction in it and provide opportunities for personal growth.
What is the difference between family counseling and family therapy??
Firstly, family counseling does not accept the concept of illness.
Secondly, it puts emphasis on the analysis of the situation and aspects of role interaction in the family.
Thirdly, it is designed to help in finding the personal resource of the subjects of counseling and discussing ways to resolve the situation.
Among the leading theoretical concepts of family counseling cognitive-behavioral therapy, rational-emotional therapy and others are given. This is due to the variety of techniques and methods that are in his arsenal.
On the this moment exists several areas of family counseling, the most common of which are psychodynamic and systemic.
1. Psychodynamic direction It is aimed at solving problems within the family based on quarrels and problems in the past. According to this direction, it is family problems that have not been resolved in the past that sow discord in current relations between family members. The therapist tries to identify and help solve these problems.
2. According to the system direction, all family problems arise due to the unproductive organization of the family. The existing structure of the family is examined, the past is not considered.
3. Very often methods of individual psychotherapy are ineffective due to the fact that the problem lies within the family, and the patient cannot change properly, as he again falls under the "unhealthy" influence of his loved ones. That is why family psychotherapy most often has a much better effect than individual psychotherapy, since its techniques are aimed at changing the entire family system.
Basic principles and rules of family counseling come down to the following points:
1) establishing contact and joining the consultant to clients.
2) collecting information about the client's problem using meta-modeling techniques (NLP) and therapeutic metaphors. To achieve this goal, the consultant can ask clarifying questions such as: “What result do you want to achieve?”, “What do you want?”, “Try to say about it without the negative “no” particle, that is, words that describe a positive result.”
3) discussion of the psychotherapeutic contract.
4) clarification of the client's problem, the resources of the family as a whole and each of its members individually are also determined. This is facilitated by questions like: “How did you deal with difficulties in the past? What helped you in this?”, “In what situations were you strong? How did you use your power?”
5) conducting the actual consultation.
6) “environmental check”. The consultant invites family members to imagine themselves in a similar situation in 5-10 years and explore their condition.
7) “insurance” of results. This is because clients sometimes need activities to help them gain confidence in learning new behaviors. They may receive some homework from the consultant and an invitation to come back for a follow-up consultation some time later to discuss the results.
8) disconnection.

Professional advice

is a special type of psychological counseling, the distinguishing feature of which is that the client's problems are somehow related to his professional self-determination and career development, professional activities and behavior in the workplace, finding or losing a job.
Professional advice- this is a type of psychological assistance aimed at harmonizing the individual professional capabilities and needs of the client with the interests of the organization or the labor market, as a result of which the professional self-determination of the client occurs, his professional plan is formed or improved, productive changes are made to his professional activities and behavior.
career counseling- this is a special activity of a consultant aimed at assisting the client in solving the problems of individual employment, taking into account its characteristics and the real situation on the labor market. Vocational counseling helps to solve the following problems of individual employment:
- choice of profession;
– determination of the profile of vocational training;
- employment;
- change of field of activity and related emotional difficulties and problems of social adaptation.
So, it should be noted, which by definition career counseling is one of the types professional advice and has a number of narrow, clearly defined tasks.
In modern conditions, professional consulting can be carried out both with adults and with children of different ages.
In Russia, historically and four areas of vocational counseling work have been implemented to varying degrees:
- information;
- diagnostic;
- consulting;
- training.
Information direction is traditional in vocational guidance. Its main task is to form knowledge about professions, vocational education, the labor market, and the requirements of professions for human qualities. Within the framework of this direction, it is believed that it is the lack of knowledge that turns out to be the main problem of a person choosing a profession. The leading forms of work are lectures, seminars, individual consultations, sometimes meetings with representatives of various professions, excursions to employment and vocational education institutions, acquaintance with workplaces.
Diagnostic direction most popular among psychologists involved in career guidance and career selection, psychological assessment of personnel at a certain stage professional activity. Based on usage psychological tests, questionnaires, questionnaires for assessing professional suitability and includes reporting test results to the client, discussing interests, opportunities and recommendations for mastering professions that are most consistent with the psychological characteristics of the client.
Consulting direction is relatively new in Russian vocational guidance and is based on the premise that knowledge may not be enough for an effective professional choice. The client's main problem lies in the difficulties associated with making decisions, which may be due to the client's unfavorable emotional state, internal motivational conflicts, personality traits, or inadequate beliefs. In this case, the consultant is forced to work with the causes of difficulties, such as fears, insecurity, dependence on loved ones, excessive demands on oneself.
Training direction also fully meets the requirements of the time and is used by Russian professional consultants. It is based on the use of special, most often group, games and exercises, followed by a discussion of the process and results of their implementation. Active learning methods in vocational counseling are designed to encourage the client to make choices and to develop problem-solving skills. It is believed that clients may have sufficient knowledge to choose a profession, but be unable to put it into practice due to ignoring problems and difficulties, unwillingness or inability to set and solve professional problems. The practical implementation of training tasks allows you to increase the activity of clients, their interest, simulate situations that are quite rare in life, and form behavioral skills in these situations.

Types of psychological counseling

Traditionally, in psychological counseling, the following types are distinguished (the criterion for distinguishing is the focus of psychological counseling on the spheres of a person's life):

· Individual psychological counseling;

· Family psychological counseling;

· Group psychological counseling;

Professional (career) psychological counseling;

· Multicultural psychological counseling.

business consulting

Business consulting is one of the most common types of psychological counseling. It, in turn, has as many varieties as there are various cases and activities for people. In general, such consulting is called business consulting, which is associated with the solution of business problems by people. For example, this includes issues of choosing a profession, improving and developing a person’s abilities, organizing his work, increasing efficiency, and conducting business negotiations.

career counseling flourished in recent decades thanks to advances in the theory and practice of valuation, as well as the growing need for this service in an increasingly complex economy. Whereas early vocation tests attempted to determine what type of work suits a particular individual based on their skills and abilities, today's assessment of professional opportunities includes an examination of not only skills, but also interests of a person. Moreover, its goal is to correlate the career aspirations of the individual with his interests and abilities, as well as to establish the correspondence of his temperament certain types activities. Career counseling uses modern, evolving approaches to lifelong career planning.

Intimate-personal and family counseling

This type includes counseling on such issues that deeply affect a person as a person, cause him strong feelings, usually carefully hidden from people around him. These are, for example, problems such as psychological or behavioral deficiencies that a person would like to get rid of; problems associated with his personal relationships with significant people; various fears, failures, psychogenic illnesses that do not require the intervention of a doctor, and much more. This also includes the deep dissatisfaction of a person with himself, the problems of intimate, for example, sexual relations.

Intimate-personal counseling usually requires a trusting relationship between the consultant and the client that is closed to outsiders and at the same time open to communication. Such psychological counseling requires the creation of a special environment, as confession reminds. This type of counseling, by the very nature of the problems it directly concerns, cannot be episodic or short-lived. It presupposes, firstly, a great psychological pre-adjustment for him by both the counseling psychologist and the client himself; secondly, a long and, as a rule, difficult conversation between a consultant psychologist and a client; thirdly, usually a long enough period to solve the client's problem. The latter is due to the fact that most problems of an intimate-personal nature are not immediately solved.

The purpose of this type of counseling is to help people get through various life difficulties, prevent the development of serious disorders, improve personality functioning, and increase life satisfaction.

Counseling psychologists work with couples (married or unmarried), families and children, helping them overcome difficulties in close relationships, including communication problems, facilitating conflict resolution, counseling on parenting, intimacy and mutual trust.

Problems related to family counseling arise in people so often and have their own characteristics that in the current practice of psychological counseling, a special direction has emerged - family counseling.

The main issues related to the conduct of such counseling can be divided into the following subgroups:

1. The relationship of the client with his future spouse.

2. Relationships between spouses in an already established family.

3. The relationship of the spouses with their own parents and the parents of the other spouse.

4. The relationship of parents and children in the same family.

In each of the general cases corresponding to the selected subgroups of issues, several particular issues can be distinguished, which, in turn, may include both business and personal relationships of people in the family, as well as relationships between specific individuals in the family.

Family counseling requires the psychologist-consultant to know the essence of family problems, ways to resolve them, preferably from their own experience. family life. It is unlikely that people who did not have or do not have a family can engage in family counseling. As quite probable, the opposite can also be assumed: a person who himself has repeatedly tried to create or save a family, but he has not succeeded, can hardly become a good psychologist-consultant on family issues. His personal experience if it can be useful to other people in some way, then, most likely, in a negative way.

At the same time, it should be noted that in this and in other similar cases, one's own experience is necessary in order to become a good consultant psychologist. A person who has a negative life experience of family relationships could well tell other people about what should be avoided in family life, but not about what needs to be done in order to save the family and improve intra-family relations.

However, there may be exceptions to this rule. In psychological practice, there are many cases when psychologists-advisers on family issues - and not bad ones - became people who themselves repeatedly failed in family life.

Psychological and pedagogical consultation

Psychological and pedagogical counseling can include a discussion by a consultant with a client of the issues of educating and raising children, teaching something and improving the pedagogical qualifications of adults, pedagogical guidance, managing children's and adult groups and teams. Psychological and pedagogical counseling includes the issues of improving programs, methods and teaching aids, the psychological justification of pedagogical innovations, and a number of others.

In the practice of psychological counseling, the most common variants of problems related to the relationship between parents and children. Problems can arise between parents and children of primary school age.

Parents of adolescent children often turn to a psychologist for advice. They may experience the following problems:

Conflicts that often arise between a teenager and parents on a variety of occasions;

Adolescents behave provocatively, do not fulfill their duties at home, do not fulfill parental requirements; - it seems to parents that the teenager is hiding something from them, often spends time outside the home; avoids communication with parents; - a teenager is not interested in anything serious, from the point of view of his parents, and does not want to engage in his development.

Older children can also cause problems. According to parents, they are friends with the wrong peers, they want to enter the wrong university. Interpersonal problems in remarriages of parents and divorces, the presence of children from another marriage in a new marriage of one of the parents, etc.

Psychological and pedagogical counseling assumes that the consultant has pedagogical education and experience in teaching and educating people. Good psychologists-consultants usually become, for example, former teachers and educators with experience pedagogical work and related education.

Psychological counseling is a relatively new professional area of psychological practice, which is a kind of psychological assistance. This trend is rooted in psychotherapy and is aimed at a clinically healthy individual who cannot overcome everyday difficulties on his own. In other words, the key task of this technique lies in helping individuals to find a way out of the current problematic circumstances over which they are unable to defeat without outside help, to recognize and change ineffective behavioral patterns for making life-changing decisions, resolving current life difficulties, achieving their goals. . According to the target area, the tasks of psychological counseling are divided into corrective effects, and tasks aimed at achieving personal growth, self-development and life success by the client.

Fundamentals of psychological counseling

Counseling is a set of activities aimed at helping the subject in resolving everyday problems and making life-changing decisions, for example, regarding family and marriage, professional growth, and the effectiveness of interpersonal interaction.

The purpose of this method of psychological support is to help individuals comprehend what is happening on their life path and achieve their intended goal, based on conscious choice in the course of resolving emotional problems and interpersonal difficulties.

All definitions of psychological counseling are similar to each other and include several important positions.

Psychological counseling contributes to:

- the conscious choice of the individual to act according to his own discretion;

— learning new behavior;

- personal development.

The core of this method is considered to be the “consultative interaction” between the specialist and the subject. The emphasis is on the responsibility of the individual, in other words, counseling recognizes that an independent and responsible person is able to make and make decisions under certain conditions, and the task of the consultant is to create conditions that encourage volitional behavior of the individual.

The goals of psychological counseling are borrowed from various psychotherapeutic concepts. So, for example, the followers of the psychoanalytic trend see the task of counseling in transforming information repressed into the unconscious into conscious images, helping the client to recreate early experience and analyze repressed conflicts, and restore the basic personality.

Predetermining the goals of psychological counseling is not easy, since the goal depends on the client's needs and the theoretical orientation of the consultant himself. The following are some of the universal tasks of counseling that are mentioned by practitioners of various schools:

— contribute to the transformation of behavioral reactions for a more productive life of the client, increasing the level of life satisfaction, even in the presence of some indispensable social restrictions;

- develop the ability to overcome difficulties in the course of collisions with new everyday circumstances and conditions;

— to ensure the effective adoption of important decisions;

- develop the ability to make contacts and maintain interpersonal relationships;

- facilitate the growth of personal potential and.

Psychological counseling approaches are characterized by a common systemic model that combines six successive stages.

The first step is to investigate the problems. The psychologist establishes contact (report) with the individual and achieves mutually directed trust: the psychologist carefully listens to the client, who tells about his everyday difficulties, expresses maximum empathy, utmost sincerity, care, does not resort to evaluation and manipulative techniques. The counselor should choose a rewarding tactic that promotes in-depth consideration of the client's problems, and note his feelings, the content of the remarks, non-verbal behavioral reactions.

At the next stage, a two-dimensional definition of the problem situation occurs. The consultant aims to accurately characterize the client's problem, emphasizing both emotional and cognitive aspects. At this stage, problematic issues are clarified until the client and the psychologist see and understand them in the same way. Problems are formulated with specific concepts that make it possible to comprehend their causes, and in addition, often, indicate possible ways to resolve them. If there are ambiguities and difficulties in identifying problems, then you should return to the previous stage.

The third stage is the identification of alternatives. It identifies and discusses potential solutions to problems. The consultant, using open questions, encourages the subject to list all possible alternatives that he finds suitable and real, helps to find additional options, while not imposing his own solutions. During the conversation, it is recommended to draw up a list of alternatives in writing to facilitate their comparison and comparison. It is necessary to find such options for solving the problematic issue that the subject could apply directly.

The fourth stage is planning. It is a critical evaluation of the selected alternatives. The counselor helps the subject understand which options presented are appropriate and appear to be realistic based on previous experience and current readiness for change. Drawing up a strategy for a realistic solution to difficult situations is also aimed at not gaining an understanding by the client that not all difficulties can be solved: some of them require the expenditure of a temporary resource, others can be partially resolved by reducing their destructive and disorganizing impact. At this stage, it is recommended, in the aspect of problem solving, to foresee by what methods and means the subject will be able to check the realism of the solution preferred by him.

The fifth stage is the activity itself, that is, the consistent implementation of the planned strategy for solving problems takes place. The psychologist helps the client to build activities, taking into account the circumstances, emotional and time costs, as well as the possibility of failure in achieving goals. must realize that a partial failure does not yet become a complete failure, therefore, one should continue to implement a strategy for resolving difficulties, directing all actions towards the ultimate goal.

The last step is to evaluate and provide feedback. The subject, together with the psychologist at this stage, evaluates the degree of achievement of the goal (that is, the level of problem resolution) and sums up the results achieved. If necessary, it is possible to refine and refine the solution strategy. In the case of new or discovery of deeply hidden problems, you should return to the previous stages.

The described model reflects the content of the consultation process and helps to better understand how a particular consultation proceeds. In practice, the consultation process is much more extensive and often not always guided by this algorithm. In addition, the allocation of stages or stages is conditional, since in practice some stages are connected with others, and their interdependence is much more complicated than that presented in the described model.

Types of psychological counseling

Due to the fact that people belonging to different age categories, free and in relationships, characterized by the presence of a variety of problems, need psychological assistance, psychological counseling is divided into types depending on the problem situations of clients and their individual characteristics, namely individual psychological, group, family, psychological and pedagogical, professional (business) and multicultural counseling.

First of all, individual psychological counseling (intimate-personal) is singled out. Individuals turn to this type of counseling on issues that deeply affect them as a person, provoking their strongest experiences, often carefully hidden from the surrounding society. Such problems, for example, include psychological disorders or behavioral shortcomings that the subject wants to eliminate, difficulties in personal relationships with loved ones or other significant persons, all kinds of failures, psychogenic diseases that require medical attention, deep dissatisfaction with oneself, problems in intimate sphere.

Individual psychological counseling simultaneously requires a consultant-client relationship closed from outsiders and a trusting, open relationship for interaction between them. This type of counseling should be carried out in a special setting, since it often resembles a confession. Also, it cannot be episodic or short-term, due to the content of the problems it is aimed at solving. First of all, individual counseling involves a large psychological preliminary adjustment of the psychologist and the client himself to the process, then a long and often difficult conversation between the consultant and the subject, after which there comes a long period of searching for a way out of the difficulties described by the client and directly solving the problem. The last stage is the longest, since most of the problematic issues of an intimate-personal orientation are not immediately resolved.

A variation of this type of counseling is age-related psychological counseling, which includes issues of mental development, features of education, principles of teaching children of various age subgroups. The subject of such counseling is the dynamics of the development of the child's and adolescent psyche at a certain age stage of formation, as well as the content of mental development, which is a significant difference from other types of counseling. Age-related psychological counseling solves the problem of systematic monitoring of the formation of children's mental functions for optimization and timely correction.

Group counseling is aimed at self-development and growth of participants in the process, liberation from everything that gets in the way of self-improvement. The advantages of the described type of psychological assistance over individual counseling include:

- team members can learn their own style of relationships with the environment and acquire more effective social skills, in addition, they have the opportunity to conduct experiments with alternative forms of behavioral response;

- clients can discuss their own perception of others and receive information about their perception of the group and individual participants;

- the team reflects, in some way, the environment familiar to its members;

- as a rule, groups offer participants understanding, assistance and assistance, which increases the determination of participants to study and resolve problem situations.

Family counseling involves the provision of assistance in matters relating to the client's family and relationships in it, relating to interaction with other close environment. For example, if an individual is worried about the upcoming choice of a life partner, the optimal building of relationships in the future or current family, the regulation of interactions in family ties, the prevention and right exit From intra-family conflicts, the relationship of spouses with each other and with relatives, behavior during divorce, the solution of various current intra-family problems, then he needs family psychological counseling.

The described type of psychological assistance requires consultants to know the essence of intra-family problems, ways out of difficult situations and methods for resolving them.

Psychological and pedagogical counseling is in demand when it is necessary to cope with the difficulties associated with the education or upbringing of children, when it is necessary to improve the pedagogical qualifications of adults or teach how to manage various groups. In addition, the described variety of counseling is related to the issues of psychological justification of pedagogical and educational innovations, optimization of means, methods and training programs.

Business (professional) consulting, in turn, is characterized by as many varieties as there are professions and activities. This type of assistance considers issues that arise in the process of engaging in professional activities by subjects. These include issues of vocational guidance, improvement and formation of skills in an individual, organization of work, increase in working capacity, etc.

Multicultural counseling is aimed at interacting with individuals who perceive the social environment differently, but at the same time try to cooperate.

The effectiveness of advisory assistance to clients who differ in culturally mediated characteristics (gender orientation, gender, age, professional experience, etc.), and in addition, the ability to understand these clients, their requirements is interconnected with the cultural characteristics of the psychologist and the manner adopted in a particular social culture organization of psychological counseling practices.

Conducting counseling work requires a number of personal qualities and specific characteristics from a consultant psychologist. For example, an individual practicing this technique must certainly have a higher psychological education, love people, be sociable, insightful, patient, good and responsible.

Psychological counseling for children

The tasks of psychological support for children and adults are similar, but the approaches of psychological counseling and the methods of work of a specialist must be modified, due to children's lack of independence and immaturity.

Psychological counseling of children and adolescents is characterized by certain specifics and is a disproportionately more complex process than counseling adults.

There are three key features of psychological counseling for children:

- kids almost never, on their own initiative, do not turn to psychologists for professional help, often they are brought by parents or teachers who have noticed some developmental deviations;

- the psycho-correctional effect should come very quickly, since in children one problem provokes the emergence of new ones, which will significantly affect the development of the child's psyche as a whole;

- a psychologist cannot lay the responsibility for finding answers and solutions to existing problems on a crumb, since in childhood mental activity and self-awareness are not yet sufficiently formed, in addition, in a child’s life, all significant changes almost completely depend on their close environment.

Most of the clear differences between a child and an adult subject lie in the level of communication they use. The dependence of the child on the parents forces the psychologist-consultant to consider their life difficulties in one connection with each other.

The problems of psychological counseling of children lie in the lack of mutual understanding. The kid is limited in his own communicative resources, because, first of all, he has an underdeveloped ability to separate and integrate the external environment with emotional experiences, and secondly, his verbal abilities are also imperfect, due to lack of communication experience. Hence, in order to achieve effective communication, the consultant has to rely on behavioral methods, rather than verbal ones. Due to the peculiarities of children's mental activity, the game process in therapy has become widespread at the same time as one of the key methods of establishing contact and an effective therapeutic technique.

Due to the lack of independence of the baby, an adult is always included in child psychological counseling. The significance of the role of an adult depends on the age category of the child, the sense of responsibility for him. Usually a child comes to psychological counseling with his mother. Its task is to provide the psychologist-consultant with preliminary data about the baby and assist in planning corrective work. Communication with the mother provides the specialist with an opportunity to assess her place in children's problems, her own emotional disorders and get an idea of family relationships. The lack of help from the close environment of the baby, in particular, parents, seriously complicates the process of achieving positive transformations in the child.

Parental relationships and their behavior are of decisive importance in child development. Therefore, often, family psychological counseling or psychotherapy of parents can play a leading role in modifying the environment in which their child grows, forms and is brought up.

Due to the lack of resistance of children to the influence of external conditions, environment stress and the inability to control the situation in which they are, the specialist, helping them, puts a lot of responsibility on their own shoulders.

During corrective work with an emotionally unstable baby, first of all, you need to change the home environment: the more comfortable he will be, the more effective the process will go.

As the child begins to become successful in areas in which he previously failed, his attitude towards the environment will gradually change. Because he will become aware that the world around him is absolutely not hostile. The task of the consultant is to act in the interests of a small individual. Often, the solution to some problems can be the placement of a child in a camp for holidays or school changes. In this case, the psychologist should facilitate the transfer of crumbs to a new school.

The immaturity of children often does not allow the formation of a clear correction strategy. Because kids don't know how to separate the imaginary from the real. Therefore, it is very difficult for them to separate real events from situations that exist solely in their imagination. Hence, all corrective work should be built on the basis of a mixture of the imagined and the really existing, which does not contribute to the achievement of quick sustainable results.

Psychological counseling of children and adolescents has a number of rules and is characterized by specific techniques.

Firstly, important condition establishing contact with children (teenagers) and maintaining it further is confidentiality. The counselor should remember that all information obtained during the counseling process should be applicable solely for the benefit of the children.

The next no less important condition for effective counseling of adolescents and children is mutually directed trust. According to the existential concept of Rogers (humanistic approach), there are several conditions for the relationship between a specialist consultant and a client that contribute to the personal growth of an individual: the ability to empathize on the part of the consultant (empathic understanding), authenticity, irrespective acceptance of the personality of another. Very important for a practical psychologist is the ability to listen to a partner. After all, often the most effective therapy is giving the individual the opportunity to speak out without fear of negative assessment from the partner or condemnation. Empathic understanding means the ability to sensitively perceive emotional experiences, the inner world of a communication partner, correctly understand the meaning of what is heard, grasp the inner state, capture the true feelings of the client.

Authenticity implies the ability to be oneself, an honest attitude towards one's own person, the ability to openly show emotions, sincerely express feelings, intentions and thoughts.

Irrespective acceptance of the personality implies acceptance of the subject as he is, that is, without excessive praise or condemnation, readiness to listen, accept the interlocutor's right to his own judgment, even if it does not coincide with the generally accepted opinion or the consultant's opinion.

Peculiarities of psychological counseling of children also lie in the absence of any motivation in children to interact with the consultant. Often they do not understand why they are being examined, because they are not worried about their own disorders. Therefore, psychologists often need all their ingenuity to establish contact with a small individual. This, first of all, concerns shy, insecure babies, children with behavioral patterns and disorders, who have a negative experience of interacting with adults. Children and adolescents with the described features and problems, when they are consulted by a specialist, experience emotional overstrain, which is expressed in high affectivity and increased in relation to the specialist. The problems of psychological counseling of adolescents and toddlers also lie in the difficulty of establishing contact with them. A significant barrier to this is usually distrust on the part of the kids, secrecy and shyness.

The process of counseling small individuals can be conditionally divided into several stages:

- establishing mutual understanding;

- collecting the necessary information;

— a clear definition of the problematic aspect;

— summarizing the results of the consultation process.

Methods of psychological counseling

The basic methods of counseling include: observation, conversation, interview, empathic and active listening. In addition to basic methods, psychologists also use special methods, which arose as a result of the influence of individual psychological schools based on a certain methodology and a specific theory of personality.

Observation is a purposeful, deliberate, systematic perception of mental phenomena, aimed at studying their changes due to the influence of certain conditions and finding the meaning of such phenomena, if it is not known. The counselor-psychologist must have the ability to observe the verbal behavior and non-verbal manifestations of the client. The basis for understanding non-verbal behavioral response is the knowledge of various variants of non-verbal speech.

Professional conversation consists of a variety of techniques and techniques used to achieve the appropriate result. A huge role is played by the techniques of conducting a dialogue, stimulating statements, approving the client's judgments, brevity and clarity of the consultant's speech, etc.

The functions and tasks of a conversation in counseling are to collect information about the state of the subject's psyche, to establish contact with him. In addition, the conversation often has a psychotherapeutic effect and helps to reduce the client's anxiety. Consultative conversation is a means of reaching out to problems that concern the client, serves as a background and accompanies all psychotechnics. The conversation can be clearly structured, take place according to a predetermined strategy or program. In this case, the conversation will be considered an interview method, which happens:

- standardized, that is, characterized by clear tactics and a sustainable strategy;

- partly standardized, based on plastic tactics and sustainable strategy;

- freely managed diagnostic, based on a stable strategy and absolutely free tactics, depending on the specifics of the client.

Empathic listening is a type of listening, the essence of which lies in the exact reproduction of the feelings of the interlocutor. This type of listening involves avoiding evaluation, condemnation, avoiding interpretation of the hidden motives of the interlocutor's behavior. At the same time, it is necessary to demonstrate an accurate reflection of the experience, emotions of the client, understand them and accept them.

Contact a psychologist before it's too late.

Good afternoon! My name is Evgenia. Now I live in Chelyabinsk, I am 20 years old, I myself am from another city very far from here. I moved to Chelyabinsk with a guy, we have been living together for a year and a half, we met on the Internet, when I was 16, from that moment we started dating, he came to me several times a year until I was 18, then I came to him and I moved right after high school. The guy is 28 years old, I love him very much. He works and earns enough, but I'm still studying at the university and he provides for me. Do not think that I live in luxury, I only eat at his expense, he has very few clothes and rarely buys me something (every six months, about one thing for 1000). At the beginning of the relationship and when we were just starting to live together, he treated me very well, loved me very much, helped me in everything, always regretted it, wanted me to be happy and upset when I felt bad or hurt, gave me flowers, courted, always wanted me, spared nothing for me. But unfortunately, I was still a fool then and he almost did something wrong (accidentally remembered about the former, there was also a case when the former gave him a gift and he did not want to throw it away, or we just quarreled and I could not calm down ), I immediately threw tantrums at him, called him names strongly, I was jealous of him and could not do anything. There were such hysterics that I was in shock from myself. It wasn't that often, about once every two or three months or even less often, but it was a lot for him. I understand that I was wrong, that it was impossible to behave this way with a loved one and it was necessary for him to forgive it, and not to curse him for what the world is worth. But I also arranged them not from scratch, is it really impossible, when meeting with me, not to remember any of the former. For several years, we often wanted to leave, but then changed our minds. I have been behaving normally with him for a year now, I don’t shout, I don’t call him names. For the last six months, things have been like this: I cook for him, wash floors, dishes, and so on, iron shirts, do everything around the house, constantly climb to him with tenderness, to which he simply ignores me. We haven't had sex for a long time. He does not want to kiss and hug me, I ask directly, he says "why?". He didn’t care about me at all, he comes home from work and lies with the phone in front of his nose all evening, then he eats, watches some movie (and doesn’t even invite me to watch it with him) and goes to bed. If I forget to put some thing back or forget to wash the pan, claims and reproaches immediately begin. He never praises me for anything, for example, for cleaning up or cooking something tasty. He hasn’t complimented me for a hundred years, doesn’t give me flowers, doesn’t hug me himself and doesn’t kiss me. I have never cheated on him and even now I do not want to. Now he began to yell at me strongly over trifles and tell me to “go home.” For example, he is late at work, I am very sick, the temperature is under 40, he promised to bring medicine, I call him and tell him to come quickly. An hour later I call again and in an already dissatisfied voice I say: “How long can it be? When you arrive, I need to drink antibiotics quickly, can't you hurry? I didn’t yell at him, I didn’t call him names, he arrived an hour later and, as always, started yelling that I hesitated, that it’s unbearable to live with me, that if I don’t like something, I need to go home so that I fall behind from him and did not call him so often. And such quarrels about once a week, every time he tells me to leave, every time I tell him something that I don’t like, and he starts yelling like crazy. I only then roar, but he absolutely does not care and does not feel sorry for me. But it’s impossible for me to live with him all my life and be satisfied with everything, I’m always calm anyway, and even with a disgruntled, but calm voice and without shouting and insults, I say that I don’t like it. And he always answers me that if you don’t like something, go back and leave me alone. He considers himself right and every time he explains that I never learned to talk to him normally. But how else can I explain to him what I don't like? I don’t scream, I don’t throw tantrums, I constantly endure everything and restrain myself and tell him calmly. But even that doesn't suit him. But I can't be happy with everything all my life. And I can’t leave him, I’m already in my second year, I can’t transfer to my hometown, I found out. Therefore, it turns out that I am completely dependent on him, I can’t do anything, I’m already tired of crying every day, he’s just a standard of some kind of indifference, zero attention, zero tenderness, zero affection, zero understanding, zero sympathy from him. But some claims and reproaches and cries. So what should I do? I still want to be with him. I dream that he would begin to treat me as before, now I would appreciate it and would never offend him. I explained it all to him a million times, said that I was wrong, asked for forgiveness, asked him to start treating me as before and stop being indifferent, but he was useless. He says he doesn't know if he'll start treating me like he used to or not, but he thinks he loves me.

Hello Evgeniya. If you really want to be with this person, then you must realize simple truth: Your young man does not owe you anything and everything he does for you in this life is solely at his behest of the soul.
The next important point will be to learn patience, to restrain your emotions. Become strong, rely only on yourself in difficult situations, stop making any claims to the young man and crying for every reason. Every day look for something to be thankful for. young man rather than blame. Change you, change your life.

Hello Evgeniya. Firstly, you should not blame yourself for anything that you once ordered tantrums and the like. Secondly, your man initially understood that you had no experience, and this suited him. You were a new bright impression for him, a young child whom he wanted to support and patronize. And the fact that he did not buy you things, but only contained, was already the first bell. He thought he was doing enough. Now he is used to you. Life and family life became a burden to him. Understand that no matter how you behaved before, you would have come to this stage. Why? Because your man does not perceive you as a person. And the more you try, the more it cools. He takes your care and you for granted, and he is sure that you will not go anywhere, and you have nowhere to go. To change the current situation, you must radically change your behavior, change internally, and begin to treat yourself with respect. In order not to turn the comment into a book, I will answer you personally in more detail. Send me an email: vikz-85(dog)mail.ru. My name is Victoria.

Hello! My name is Nina, my life story is not simple. I ask you to help me get through the breakup with my husband.
I met my husband at 18, he is 25 years older than me. We had love, passion, children were born 16, 14, 4.6, 1.2. We lived together for 20 years, but all these years, he did not break off the marriage with his first wife. He felt sorry for her all the time, provided financially - and dragged me into it. I bought food, things, medicines, cooked food (for the hospital), nursed their grandson. I devoted four years to my grandson, I treated soaps, taught, walked with him. Now he is 8 years old.
Our relationship was different, my husband has a complex character, he is irritable, but I loved him, took care of his health, appearance. By the way, when we met, he was in very poor health and threatened to be removed. thyroid gland. We went through everything together, the operation was avoided. and now he looks great for 50 years and feels fine (pressure 120 to 80). We lived by his rules - he was the head. My husband has a dacha, he loves this house and garden very much, puts his whole soul into it, and a lot of time. He needs help there. But I have small children and it became difficult for me to cope with the housekeeping. He began to invite his first wife and grandson. They were there in spring and autumn, me with my children and grandson in the summer before school started. The husband liked this situation and he did not even hesitate to invite guests either to the hostess or to his first wife. My opinion on this matter was not taken into account. And at the end of the summer, he took us home, three days later he took all our things from the dacha and took his own from the apartment. His explanations were confusing and absurd, then I raised older children incorrectly and they annoy him, then he suspected me of treason, then he said that as a hostess and a woman I did not suit him. Provides children with minimal financial assistance for food and courses. If you buy things, you need to ask him personally. For me, there is no finance at all. I am completely depressed, I am looking for the last strength in myself to cope with this betrayal, so that the children would not be so hurt. Don't know how to live on? I'm afraid that I'm not an authority for teenagers, and here also kids require a lot of time and care. Talk to me, help me find the way to a new happy life!

- Thank you! Your articles open my eyes. I have a lot of work to do on myself.

Nina, hello! I also once went through a divorce, so I understand you well. True, I didn’t have children in marriage, so it’s even more difficult for you. But believe me, dear, life did not end there, and it is still unknown who was lucky) Yes, yes! You have someone to live for, you have beloved children, and you are still young. Fate specifically gave you a chance to become truly happy. You constantly obeyed your husband, his decisions, and this can no longer be called idyllic. You had to constantly suppress yourself and your discontent. Now you are finally free. Look at your husband's departure from this side and start learning to love yourself! If you need support or advice, please get in touch. My address is vikz-85(dog)mail.ru My name is Victoria.

Hello)
Today my husband confessed that he didn't love me for a long time. We have been married for 8 years and have a child. We did not scandal, never sorted out the relationship in a raised voice. We had disputes, but the solution was found quickly. We are both quite calm, without bad habits, no materials, etc.
I was always sure of my husband's feelings, he never gave a reason for doubt. But today he admitted that he had not loved for a long time, that he lied, did not want to hurt me. Wants to live, as before, for the sake of the child. For me, this is an incredible blow! I just can’t put it in my head, I can’t imagine how to live on. I love my husband, he is a wonderful person, I want my daughter to grow up in a complete family, but what can such a “family” give her? How to live on, knowing that I am no longer loved by my husband, to play "family", to pretend to be in a relationship? How to go further in life if you can’t take your hand, lean on your shoulder?
It's incredibly hard for me, it hurts, I'm scared. My husband walks around gloomy, says that I don’t get hung up on this, that I need to live on, let me go “nowhere”, he doesn’t want me, doesn’t want a divorce, wants us to live as before. Of course, I don’t want a divorce either, but how to live together when you know that you are not loved. We had plans, we wanted to move to another city, we wanted a second child, we planned holidays, shopping. And now everything collapsed inside me. The husband says that he regrets his confession that it was not necessary to tell such a truth. And I am grateful to him for the truth, but at the same time it hurts so much to realize that I lived in illusions, in lies. It pains me to watch how our daughter is going through, she certainly does not understand everything, but she feels, runs from dad to mom and says that she loves us. I see how scared she is and it is not clear why dad is gloomy and mom is crying, she is still small, she is only 5 years old, it is too early to explain to her. We both tell her that we love her, we just had a little fight with dad, but we will definitely make up.
Sorry for the sheet. I just don't know how to live on.

Hello Maria. “But how to live together when you know that you are not loved” - There is no clear, unambiguously sufficient definition of love. Your husband may not fully realize what he feels for you, but he definitely has certain feelings for you.
From the point of view of psychology, love implies a free relationship based on mutual happiness and mutual trust. Love in itself is fraught with three aspects: moral (commitment), emotional (intimacy) and physical (passion).
In men, the decline in the physical aspect is often equated with the extinction of love.
So-called "true love" is based on these three aspects, taken in equal proportions. Therefore, in a calm atmosphere, after analyzing your family life, you should think and pay more attention to the necessary aspect in life. Take your husband's confession not as a tragedy, but as a call to action.
We recommend to read:
- Thank you for taking the time to answer me.
  My husband, a silent man, always keeps all the problems and emotions in himself. I tried to talk to him about the "three aspects of love", but he does not feel emotional attachment to me. His talk about our future is just annoying. It is also insanely difficult for me, I cry non-stop, my husband sighs and frowns even more. He threw himself into work, took extra shifts. It's easier for him to tell. I'm really scared to lose my husband, my family, to hurt my child, I'm scared to destroy everything. I do not climb into his soul, my husband does not like it. I don't know how to behave properly so as not to aggravate the situation. After work, he comes and sits at the computer. Then he goes to sleep. Please tell me in which direction I should move, how to behave so as not to make things worse. We do not swear at all, we always speak calmly, we do not even raise our tone. Sticking with conversations is not an option, the husband does not like conversations at all, and he always shied away from “spiritual conversations”. Leave it alone and don't touch it? Trying to act like before? But I have a stupor. Usually I reached out to my husband, hugged, praised for little things, let him rest after work, etc. And now I'm scared to hug, scared to say something, scared to just sit next to me and take my hand, as before. I tried, but he tenses up, turns to stone. Doesn't move away, but kind of freezes, like it's blocking me.
  The man is a rock! Never apologizes, never takes back his words, for him there are no other colors than "black and white." Stingy on the manifestation of any emotions. There is no way to convince him of anything. But this is my dear man, the father of my daughter. I accept it as such and appreciate it, respect and love it.
  I wrote a lot of letters again, sorry. Emotions are running high, it's a shame and it hurts a lot.
  - Maria, now the most important thing is to realize what happened and accept the situation. You cannot change it, so it is important to accept it. This is necessary so that you stop feeling sorry for yourself, crying, being sad. Living with a man like your husband, you should have adopted a few of his qualities, or at least seemed like that with him - be tougher, not show unnecessary emotions. Now you need to adapt to it and not show your excessive emotionality, weakness. You should act as if nothing happened. Go about your family business as before. There is a stupor to be the first to approach - do not approach. You should take some time to come to your senses, calm down. We recommend soothing tinctures of valerian, motherwort.
    Let's analyze what we have: the husband admitted that he had no feelings. Great, you know it. One client, when she found out that her husband was cheating, said a wonderful phrase: “they didn’t promise to love me forever.” And she's right. In a relationship, no one owes anyone anything. Now you will read a bit of cynicism, try to understand it correctly. It seems to you that your husband is a whole universe for you, you dissolve in him, but in fact this is not so.
    Your husband is a stranger to you. Your family is your parents and your child, who will always love you unconditionally.
    "I accept him as such and appreciate, respect and love him." In your situation, you must accept, appreciate, respect your husband, and start loving yourself. Only then will you stop crying when you realize that by suffering, you are hurting yourself. In your life only you main man. Take care of yourself, your inner strength will still come in handy. And remember, no man is worthy of your tears, and the one who is worthy will never make you cry.
    - Hello. Thanks for answering me and helping me.
      I'm trying to follow your advice, but it's very difficult. For several days I tried to behave as usual, with the exception of tactile contact. And that turns out to be the hardest part. For me, it used to be the norm to kiss, kiss when meeting and parting, take my hand if we are going somewhere, pat on the back, etc., such simple gestures are now inaccessible to me and I have to control it.
      Two days ago, in the evening, I could not resist and hugged him. He endured, but it was clear that he was not pleased.
      Well, I can not pretend that he is indifferent to me. In domestic terms, it’s not difficult for me to lead a familiar lifestyle, but emotionally I can’t cope.
      After this incident, we stopped talking. He asks, but I can’t answer, I’m choking with a lump, tears. In order not to cry, you have to be silent. They didn't talk for a day. And yesterday, the mother-in-law suggested that he go somewhere to rest. The husband agreed and is waiting for a vacation. And now I'm afraid that he will either leave forever or there, on vacation, he will decide not to save his family at all and upon his return everything will completely collapse. This morning I burst into tears again and told him about my fears. He replied that he did not know anything. Vacation is not far away and what will happen next is not known. He repeated that he did not want a separation and a divorce, but only because I had nowhere to go. It would be where - would have let go, but not kicked out. He said that families are different, but I came up with an ideal one for myself and demand that he follow the rules. He said that he was tired and did not want anything at all.
      Today is an important day for our daughter, the first performance. She is waiting for him, but he said that he would not come. He was tired of everything. He left slamming the door.
      The family is falling apart. What happens next is scary. Vacation is still this (
      You are right, I dissolve in my husband, he really is the whole world for me. Maybe you should not wait for your husband's vacation, but just take your daughter and leave? There really is nowhere to go, I have no parents, relatives and close friends too. But I will find a way out, maybe rent a hostel ...
      I torment my husband, I suffer myself, my daughter in the kindergarten tells how dad does not love mom and mom cries (If my husband is tormented because of me, then maybe it would be more correct to leave?
      Thoughts jump, I confuse words and forget. I became confused, inattentive, nothing makes me happy.

Hello.
I ask for your advice and your help in the matter of relationships.
Met a girl for a year. They loved each other very much. We are peers. A month ago, the girl said that we were breaking up, that she was tired of everything. Although she herself said that she loved me very much, what would happen to me, that I was perfect, although I pissed and pissed her off, she said that she would marry me. She, like me, is the longest relationship. Year together.
During the last quarrel, I was jealous of her, at the meeting I told her this, thereby offending her and pissed her off. After that, we did not communicate for two days, I wanted to find out how her mother was and at the same time consult about a gift for my girlfriend's birthday. Arriving at work with my mother, we talked to her, told her about the quarrel, her mother said that she would talk to her, as if by chance, touching on the topic of relationships. The next day, my girlfriend herself was the first to write to me, forgetting the quarrel, but by the evening she changed her mood and did not want to communicate at all (her mother talked to her and my girlfriend realized that I had come to her mother for advice, she was very angry with me from -for this, as she told me more than once that I should not discuss our personal life with anyone.During such quarrels, I turned to my girlfriend's sister for advice, fearing to lose). After she wrote that we were breaking up. I told her that we do not need to leave, but she had already decided for herself.
I decided to leave her for a while. A week later, I met her after class, she treated me coldly. I decided to walk her home, but she told me not to follow her, that there would be nothing between us and that she had decided everything, she said that I should have at least a little self-respect, although not so long ago she said how much she loves me.
As a result, with my obstinacy, I brought her to hysterics, I asked her not to leave, to forgive me for my mistakes, in general, I humiliated myself in front of her, I did not want to let go, because I love her very much. And he only made things worse. Emotionally, she said that she did not love. I don't want to believe it, to be honest. She said that she did not want to be with me, to leave me alone forever. "If you love, then leave it alone."
She asked me, told me several times, there was no need to tell anyone what was going on between us. I said that I would not do this anymore, but I myself repeated my mistakes ... this quarrel may turn out to be the last, he turned to her sister and twice to her mother, was afraid to lose, but it turned out that he lost ...
As a result, we do not communicate for three weeks, we silently pass each other at the university.
Would it be better to start talking little by little? Will it be possible to return it? Work on yourself has been done, mistakes have been analyzed, conclusions have been drawn. I really want to return her, she asked me not to let her go, even before all the quarrels. I hope that she still loves me, but what she told me was emotional. Even though enough time has passed for her to move away, I hesitate to approach her for fear of ruining everything completely. Yes, I understood that it was bad to be jealous, but I was jealous not because I did not trust, but because I love. Jealousy is a stupid feeling. I accepted her for who she is and I love her any, even if she is angry with me or offended.
My mistakes are not fatal enough to end like this. Yes, she is tired of this, I annoy her, but I did not cheat on her, loved, paid enough attention to her, gave flowers and gifts. All my mistakes have become the reason why she does not want to be with me. But I tried and changed. I am monogamous and want to be only with her.
Is there any chance to fix it? And what should I do now: leave her for a while, or gradually resume communication?
Please help advice.

Hello Igor. Your girl has a character with a core, she wants her boyfriend to be no weaker than her.
No matter how much you don’t want to follow your negative emotions, you need to restrain yourself by an effort of will, not to show that there is a fear of losing a loved one. All these feelings, fears were transferred to the girl, who saw a weak person in front of her. It's all because of the real feeling of love, which made you insecure, wounded. What do girls want? They want to be proud of their boyfriends, to admire them, to feel that they are loved, but they do not keep them near them and give them freedom.
Start saying hello to her, just passing by smiling, as if nothing had happened, said "hello" and walked past. She must think that you are doing well. Therefore, before her eyes, try to be cheerful, communicate with other girls, keep intrigue. It is very important that she sees you with another no less pretty girl, let her be jealous. If she asks in the future, and she will definitely ask about what she saw, say that it’s nothing serious, the girl herself takes the initiative.
Your task now is simply to resume normal, friendly relations. For more, it's too early to claim. Become again a friend who allows everything and understands that the girl has a need to please everyone, and not just you. Do not make excuses and do not apologize to her anymore, she wants to see you proud and independent - become like that in her eyes. Do not discuss your relationship with anyone else. Set yourself up for the fact that there are a lot of girls around, and you are the only one and there will definitely be one that will truly appreciate you.
- Hello, Natalia. Some time passed and, we can say that communication improved a little between us, but not quite. We crossed paths, said "hello" and that was it. One day in December, she wrote that she felt very bad without me, but she also felt bad with me. She said that she had not yet let go, but did not want to return. Again he says that he does not love. After that, she became cold again and ignores me.
  For all the time that passed, she was alone, did not meet with anyone. I still hope to get everything back, but I'm afraid to do something wrong and ruin everything completely. Our last conversation was at the beginning of the month, then she said that she did not love and did not return anything. Leave her again and not disturb? Or try to communicate?
  Thank you for your previous advice. Please help me again please.
  - Hello Igor. Try not to react to the words of the girl and not to show that it hurts you when she says that she does not love.
    In general, close this topic once and for all and never start yourself. Let her stew in her feelings and understand herself without hurting you.
    Do not be afraid to do something wrong, it is better to do something than to do nothing.
    That's when the girl wrote that she felt bad - you need to be active right away: “if you want to come, we’ll take a walk, as before, this does not oblige you to anything, just take a walk and you will feel better ...” Cunning and be resourceful.
    “Leave her again and not disturb her? Or try to communicate? Of course to communicate, but to do it so skillfully and appear every time randomly and unexpectedly.
    If she says that she does not want to return, then also play along with her and make it clear that this suits you too.
    "After that, she became cold again and ignores me." - Do not fix your eyes on her all the time, go about your business and try to be calm, and in suitable situations, cheerful. It is necessary that she follow you and want to observe, and for this you will have to show yourself as a changed person in order to attract her attention to yourself.
    - And for some reason, just tonight, she blocked me on the social. networks. What does she want to show by this? I haven't written or called her for a long time. Maybe I'm really tired of her?
      - Igor, she is trying to forget you in this way and does not want you to track her life. Find yourself a hobby for the soul, distract yourself mentally from it.

Hello. I contacted you on August 13th. Let me remind you, I am 43, the young man is 26. Overnight, he ended our relationship. All the fault of my unbridled jealousy and showdown. My attempts to explain and try to change something ended in nothing. He was silent.
Time has passed .. I get acquainted, communicate. But nothing serious yet. I thought I could forget him, but it doesn’t work .. My daughter-in-law advised me to create a left page in social networks with other people's data and try to communicate with him just in a friendly way. I did just that. I had to change the writing style a bit. But everything worked out. Asked on someone else's behalf about myself. He replied that she was blowing his mind, that she no longer remembers me and in general, there is no and cannot be a return to the old..
He didn’t have anyone, he was alone ... The first left page had to be removed, she let it get too close to her. I felt that he was beginning to show interest more than allowed by me. Now we communicate on the second, I created. With reason I understand all the absurdity of my idea. But I can’t refuse to know HOW he is and WHAT .. If he finds out about my tricks, he will certainly hate me. He treats any kind of deceit with rejection .. And from my real name I am afraid to write to him. He made it clear that he was no longer interested in me. Completely confused. Maybe you can give me some advice? Thanks in advance.

Hello Natalia. Definitely, he should never know that you communicated with him using a different name. What can you do in your situation? Over time, your young man will rethink everything and become more calm towards you, and if you are persistent, but at the same time do everything beautifully, then you can openly resume friendly relations with him (meaning social networks). This requires time, patience and sincerely wish happiness to your young man, even if he is not with you. It is very difficult and not everyone is capable of this. Often love is selfish and a person thinks about himself how bad he is without the object of his passion. This is psychological dependence and the desire to be loved. But love cannot be earned, it is impossible to force a person to love himself.
In two months, congratulate the guy on the New Year, wish him all the best, if he answers well, he doesn’t answer, it’s also good. If he answers, then you should not enter into a lengthy correspondence. By force of will, force yourself to think about other people, communicate with cheerful friends, they will lead you out of the obsessive state of sadness about your loved one. There will be a reason to congratulate on any event - congratulate the former. This will allow him to understand that he means a lot to you and you remember him. So it can take more than one month, a year, but if you are constant, then your boyfriend will subconsciously wait for your messages, even if he does not immediately reciprocate.
- Thank you .. About 10 days ago I had very bad dreams about him ... And since I almost never remember them, this is what alerted me. And in social networks, he was absent for some time, then I wrote to him on my real name about these dreams, and that I was worried about him. He answered in a day, with just one word .. That was enough for me ..
  Now, on someone else’s page, I learn about him that I didn’t learn in our reality with him ... Then I was busy sorting things out (((
  Happy New Year to him... I really want him to be happy. I know that he communicates with many, he himself tells some moments from his life. And you know, all this sociability of his, which irritated me before, now does not cause any negative emotions. I'm calm. I have no illusions, I live my own life .. But this craving for women over 40 still worries me. I once asked him: “Do your parents love you?”. To which he replied: “But I don’t know ..” Is this some kind of dislike or something ???
  - Natalia, a person subconsciously attracts to himself what he lacks. And it is not at all necessary that your boyfriend needs maternal love. Adult women are attractive as a life experience, they know how to listen, and can be interesting, exciting conversationalists, unlike girls who are interested in fashion trends, cosmetics and want attention only to their person. A wise, adult woman will be able to support useful advice, and a young girl will wait for help from a guy, and this is a responsibility. And, of course, a young man is attracted to a woman by a certain experience, emancipation and courage in intimate relationships.

Hello. Dated a girl for 2 years. They knew each other since school. Went to different institutes. Then, when they returned to their hometown, they decided to try to meet, as there was sympathy. Relations like everyone else, sometimes quarrels, sometimes disputes, but in general everything is not bad, but soon she got tired of me (I don’t want to get married). She said that she wanted a family and didn’t love me anymore (although she used to say that I was the best, the best and she didn’t need anyone but me, she said that she would always love me). We broke up, I thought that she would just take a break from me and return, but almost immediately she began a relationship with a guy who is 5 years older than me. After 3 months, she broke up with him and after 6-7 months she married some guy. Randomly ran into their photos. She looks happy, but it's like I didn't even exist. And for a year now I can’t even think about other girls and I see her in almost every passer-by. It seems that not a small one should have already let go, but it feels like every day I get worse and worse. I can’t make new acquaintances, and I have broken all the old ones. All the cases that I undertake do not work out. I don’t even have anyone to talk to about this (I don’t want to burden my parents).

Hello Vlad. If your feelings for a girl are strong and sincere, then it will be very difficult to get rid of them, and maybe you shouldn’t do it at all. Continue to love her in the depths of your soul, do not resist your feeling, wish her happiness with all your heart. Remembering the happy moments when you were together, mentally thank the Universe for this. Over time, you will feel better and your life will change.
Photos on social media networks are not recommended. Often their girls spread in order to impress the society and they do not always correspond to reality. When a person does not believe in his own happiness, he does everything to convince others of his existence. On your example, you can be convinced of this - you believed and you are torturing yourself with this. Maybe the girl loves you now, but she set herself the goal of getting married, because it was her important need at that time. The psychology of women is such that they draw conclusions about the attitude of men towards them, based on whether a young man makes an offer or not. If he does, then there are feelings, if he does not want to legitimize the relationship, then he does not love and the relationship will not be long.

Vlad, there is a deeper reason for your problem. Perhaps her realization will cause you negative feelings(and this is normal), but only understanding this reason will help you build your future life correctly. N.A. Vedmesh advises you not to resist your feeling, if it is sincere, and to wish for your ex girlfriend happiness. But, I'll tell you honestly, a rare person is capable of this. And I'm not sure if this is possible in your case. Why? Because "impossibility" is directly related to the cause of your condition. And the internal psychological reason that you are tormenting yourself and can no longer look at other girls lies in your wounded pride. Yes exactly. Initially, you assured yourself that you are the most wonderful for this girl. You thought that she would always love you, because she herself said so. And when your girlfriend wanted to leave, you didn't stop her. Decided to come back. You were not afraid to lose her, because. were sure of their irresistibility for her. When she started a relationship with another, you tensed up, wondered if it was worth taking action. And then she broke up. You thought again - it means he will return. But when you came across her photo and found out that she was married, your belief collapsed. You feel offended and hurt
She is happy and has forgotten about you! How? There is no strong true love, but there is a sense of loss of self-worth (and in their own eyes). And you have 2 ways - to be tormented and blame everyone and everything, or to start a new and really happy life, to love and be loved. Can help. Write in person: vikz-85(dog)mail.ru Victoria.

In the hierarchy of activities of a practical psychologist, consulting activities have their own specifics. It lies in the fact that the psychologist meets with the client for a relatively short time, which includes all activities of a practical psychologist. This is primarily a preventive activity, including educational and preventive. Here is the diagnostic activity, during which, based on the data provided by the client and the results of express diagnostics, the nature of the problems that the client came with is determined. Here and correctional activities, presented in the form of a variety of advice, recommendations, and even direct psychotherapeutic influences exerted by a psychologist on a client. Finally, it is also a developing activity that orients the client to the life perspective and opportunities that open up.

In other words, in the consultative activity of a practical psychologist, all types of activity are presented in miniature: "in miniature" - because the time of consultation is limited, and because the possibilities of all types of activity are limited. Counseling can be defined as an orientation activity from which work with a client begins.

Depending on which side of the activity is represented in the consultation in the greatest way, the following types of consultation are distinguished:

a) preventive counseling, which can be either educational in nature (answers to questions) or preventive in nature (thematic conversations);

b) diagnostic counseling, in which possible variants of the diagnosis are determined;

c) corrective counseling, which identifies possible options for correcting violations;

d) psychotherapeutic counseling associated with a deeper intervention in the client's psyche than correctional;

e) developmental consulting related to determining the ways of developing the client's personality;

f) comprehensive counseling, combining all types of counseling.

Depending on the age status of the consulted contingent, it is possible to single out;

a) infant counseling,

b) counseling for young children,

c) preschool counseling,

d) advising younger students,

e) adolescent counseling,

f) youth counseling,

g) adult counseling,

h) gerontological counseling.

Of course, some age-related types of counseling are being integrated, but it is difficult to imagine that a practical psychologist in one person would be a specialist in all ages.

Depending on the thematic focus, the following types of counseling can be distinguished:

a) family counseling

b) sexual counseling,

c) advising on educational issues,

d) career counseling,

e) consulting on conflict resolution, etc.

Depending on the number of consulted persons, consultations are divided into:

a) individual

b) group.

Individual consultations take longer and are more effective than group consultations. The latter, in turn, make it possible to cover a fairly large number of people and thereby save time, effort and achieve a greater effect on a mass scale.

Psychological Counseling Technique is a system procedure specially organized by a psychologist, which includes a set of techniques, instructions, actions carried out by him in relation to the client as part of the consultative process. The technique pursues a specific goal and is aimed at solving one or more advisory tasks.

Most of the techniques can also be used for diagnostic purposes to gain information about the client and how they function psychologically. The choice and use of a particular technique when working with a client is determined by the following factors:

features of the problem situation, applied for psychological help;

features of the situation of psychological counseling (spatio-temporal continuum of the counseling process; composition of a team of specialists, etc.)

the appropriateness of the use of technology at this stage of work with the client;

preferences of the teacher-psychologist, based on his personal characteristics (this technique should be organically combined with the individual style of the teacher-psychologist).

Techniques serve the consulting process itself: maintaining contact with the client, achieving mutual understanding, etc.

Table 2 presents a procedural and technical model that reflects the feasibility of using general techniques at certain stages of the consultative process:

Table 2.2 - Procedural and technical model of psychological counseling

Counseling stage	Techniques and techniques used in counseling
1. Establishment of a consultative contact	Contact techniques. Conversation techniques
2.Multimodal problem definition
3. Desired changes	Techniques for conducting a conversation (reflexive listening techniques: asking questions, clarifying, paraphrasing, clarifying, reflecting and clarifying feelings, generalization, etc.)
4. Alternative ways to solve the problem.	Techniques for conducting a conversation (techniques of reflective listening: asking questions, clarifying, paraphrasing, clarifying, reflecting, etc.). Influence techniques (self-disclosure, confrontation, directives)
5. Search for resources	Techniques for conducting a conversation (techniques of reflective listening: asking questions, clarifying, paraphrasing, clarifying, reflecting, etc.).
6. Environmental test	Techniques for conducting a conversation (generalization, summarizing, etc.)

The stages of the process of psychological counseling are interrelated and interchangeable modules (with the exception of the first and last stages). In addition, the stages are not strictly fixed. The teacher-psychologist has to repeatedly monitor the changes taking place with the client in the course of work, correcting his work and determining the direction of further interventions.

The main tools of a teacher-psychologist, regardless of belonging to a particular psychological school, are the skills of observing a client, showing attention and interest, listening and influencing techniques. These tools are verbal and non-verbal forms of communication (A. Ivey et al., Yu.E. Aleshina, R. Kociunas, etc.). The following is a brief overview of general techniques (microtechniques) and counseling techniques used in the work of an educational psychologist.

Selective focus- a concept meaning that the educational psychologist selectively pays attention or selectively ignores some statements of the client. Ideally, a teacher-psychologist should monitor all manifestations of the client, including bodily ones. Usually he actively uses both verbal and non-verbal means of communication. Words are used by a psychologist to a greater extent to convey information, while a non-verbal channel is used to express support, demonstrate attention, interest, and empathy.

Thus, it is possible to obtain important information about the client by correlating what he says about himself and about the problem situation with his facial expression, gestures, posture, placement in space.

From the very beginning of counseling, it is important to remember that the client asked for help, and at the first stage of work, it is important to establish contact, and not demonstrate technical methods.

Ways to help identify new facts, understand the behavior, thoughts and feelings of the client, relate to listening skills.

Building a relationship with the client through questions. The questions that the teacher-psychologist asks the client are aimed at solving a number of problems:

maintaining contact with the client;

receiving the information;

revealing feelings;

testing or refining hypotheses.

The skill of formulating questions occupies one of the main places among the professionally important skills of a teacher-psychologist. Questions are the most important element of the conversation and the main means of obtaining information from the client.

The teacher-psychologist during the consultation asks the client various questions aimed at achieving certain goals.

Table 2.3 - Purpose of questions

Purpose of the question	Question type
Receiving the information	Analysis of the situation and its causes; specification; identifying the client's ideas about the causes of dysfunctions that have arisen	When did it happen? Why do you think this is happening? What do you think led to...?
Stimulating the client for a more detailed story	Encouraging clients to illustrate their story with examples	Can you talk about any specific situation?
Testing therapeutic hypotheses	Identification of patterns in the functioning of the client	Did I understand correctly that every time you enter the classroom, your level of anxiety increases?
Revealing the client's feelings	Obtaining information about the nature of the client's emotional experiences	What did you feel at that moment? Do you get upset when you get a low grade?
Resource identification	Identification of the strengths of the client, his ability to reorganize	Do you remember if someone close to you was in a similar situation? How did he deal with her?

Open questions usually begin with the words “what”, “how”, “why”, “could”, “and if”. They require a detailed response from the client, since it is difficult to answer them with “yes” or “no”. Open-ended questions provide an opportunity to obtain important information about the nature of the client's difficulties. For example, an open-ended question: "Can you tell me what you expect from counseling?" allows the client to formulate his answer without restrictions.

The teacher-psychologist needs to maintain a sense of tact and measure when questioning the client. The “why” question is especially disturbing and makes the client want to defend himself. In addition, this question activates the rationalization defense mechanism: usually a person has already considered this problem and built a system of explanations for himself.

Closed questions usually include the particle "li". They contain the wording of the answer or its variants. They can be answered "yes" or "no". Closed questions are used to collect information, as well as to find out something, to focus attention, to narrow the area of judgments. A closed question, as a rule, prevents the client from evading the topic of conversation. But when used frequently, closed questions can also cause anxiety.

When choosing one or another wording of the question, certain limitations must be taken into account. For example, closed questions run the risk of narrowing down the range of possible answers significantly. This is especially important to consider when working with easily suggestible clients. However, the use of closed questions can sometimes be a useful technique to help the client express socially disapproved attitudes. When alternative answers are given side by side, the very form of the question may suggest to the client that they are both equally socially acceptable.

Without asking the client questions, information about him can be obtained using techniques such as minimal reinforcement, support, retelling, reflection of feelings.

Minimal reinforcement (response minimization, non-intervention)- microtechnics, which is the use by the teacher-psychologist of those "minimal" means of communication that allow you to maintain a dialogue with the client. The cues of the teacher-psychologist allow the client to speak without coercion, openly and freely. These include statements like: “I understand”, “Go on, this is interesting”, “Tell me more”, etc. These remarks contribute to the development and deepening of interaction with the client. They relieve tension from him, help the teacher-psychologist to express interest, understanding or express approval.

Repeat (support)- this is a direct repetition of what the client said, or short comments (“well, well”, “so”, “uh-huh”, “tell me more”). This technique facilitates the conversation and supports its main course, provides the least intrusive intervention of the teacher-psychologist in the client's world. Repetition or encouragement is a direct way of demonstrating to the client that the therapist is listening and listening.

Paraphrasing (paraphrase)- formulating the client's thoughts in other words. Paraphrasing is always a certain risk for an educational psychologist, since you can never be sure that you understand another person correctly. The purpose of paraphrasing is to test how accurately the therapist understands the client. There are standard statements with which paraphrasing often begins: “As I understand it ...”, “Do you think ...”, “In your opinion ...”, “In other words, you think”, “If I understand correctly, you are talking about ...” and others

When paraphrasing, the focus is on the ideas, thoughts, meaning of what was said, and not on the feelings and emotions of the client. It is important that the therapist be able to express the client's thoughts in their own words.

retelling is a concise summary of the main words and thoughts of the client. It conveys the objective content of the client's speech, reformulated by the educational psychologist, and the most important words and phrases must be used. Paraphrasing helps to bring together different points of the conversation. The retelling technique often has a therapeutic effect, as the client can once again hear key thoughts and phrases aimed at clarifying the essence of their problems. Paraphrasing, in essence, is the use of paraphrasing techniques for large amounts of information.

Reflection of feelings. This technique is similar to retelling, but retelling refers to facts, while reflection of feelings refers to the emotions associated with these facts. It is important that the educational psychologist be able to note for himself the emotional states, feelings and experiences of family members. Reception of reflection of feelings can be divided into parts: say the name of the client (this personalizes the reflection); communicate your assumptions about his feelings: cliché sentences (Irina, you seem to feel ashamed). Often the context of the experience is added. "Pure" reflection of feelings does not include the context of experience.

Clarification (clarification, clarification)- microtechnics that helps to make the client's message more understandable for the teacher-psychologist. The psychologist addresses the client with a question or request to clarify what he said. The following key phrases can be used: “Will you repeat it again?”, “I don’t understand what you mean”, “Please explain again”, “I’m not entirely clear what you are talking about”, “ Can you explain this in more detail?" and etc.

To clarify the message, you can use closed questions, for example: “Are you offended?”, “Would you like to change the situation?”, “Is that all you want to say?” However, be aware of the limitations associated with the use of closed questions, which sometimes activate the client's defenses. More preferable are open questions or statements like “I didn’t quite understand you,” etc. In this case, the educational psychologist does not make his own interpretations, remains neutral to the message and expects it to be more accurate.

Awareness of meaning (meaning) connected with the study of what this situation means for the client. When realizing the meaning, the deep, underlying meanings of words are analyzed. The client reinterprets his experiences. Awareness of the meaning goes along with interpretations, which relate to the microtechniques of influence. Interpretation provides the client with alternative constructions by which the problem can also be considered. When understanding the meaning, the client is able to find a new interpretation or meaning of the previous facts and situations.

Summary (summarizing) allows the educator-psychologist to summarize the main thoughts and feelings of the client. A resume is a microtechnique that allows you to “combine” into a semantic unity the client’s ideas, facts from his life, feelings experienced, the meaning of a problem situation. The educational psychologist analyzes everything that has been said before by him and the client, and then presents the client in a finished form with the main points regarding the content of the polylogue between them. The summary gives the psychologist the opportunity to check the accuracy of the perception of the client's messages. The summary is usually formulated by the educational psychologist in his own words, however, standard introductory words can be used, for example: “What you told me about indicates ...”, “As I understood from your story ...”, “The main points of your story are ... ".

A summary is useful at the end of a session when you want to briefly summarize everything the client has said.

Focus analysis is an important micro-technique of listening. In focus analysis, the teacher-psychologist reflects the main theme of interaction with the client. The following focus selection directions are possible:

Focus on the client. “What did you do?”, “What do you feel?”, “Do you think…”, etc.

Focus on the problem. The main attention is paid to the problematic situation, the conditions for its emergence and development, and the impact on the client's life.

Focusing on the educational psychologist. Self-centeredness is useful as a self-disclosure or feedback technique, helping to develop a sense of trust in clients.

Focus on commonality: "we are the focus": "What did we achieve during today's meeting?", "I like the way we interact today."

Cultural-context focus: "This worries many students", "Many students experience such difficulties at this stage of their lives."

Based on the above microtechniques, there are several types of listening.

Non-reflective listening (passive listening, the principle of silence) - this is the most basic kind of listening. It consists in the ability of the teacher-psychologist to remain silent, remaining attentive and not interfering with the client's story or activity. This process can be called passive only conditionally, since it requires great attention from the teacher-psychologist. “Non-reflexivity” is also a conditional concept, since at the same time the educational psychologist remains in contact with himself, his feelings, continues to build therapeutic hypotheses or consider a further strategy for working with the client.

There are different types of non-reflective listening. The first involves the exclusion of any actions on the part of the teacher-psychologist: nodding his head, "uh-huh-listening", support. In another variant, in the course of non-reflexive listening, the educational psychologist can express understanding, approval, support, use minimal reinforcement microtechniques. Non-reflective listening is an indispensable tool in situations where:

the psychologist needs to form an idea about the client;

the client is in a situation of strong emotional arousal;

it is difficult for the client to clearly articulate their existing problems;

the client needs to speak out and they are not yet ready to listen to comments, questions and comments;

the client experiences grief or loss, and experiences feelings such as anger, disappointment, fear, resentment.

Reflective (active) listening is used by the educational psychologist in order to more accurately understand the essence of the message. Most of the words in our language are ambiguous, many have synonyms. This creates certain difficulties in understanding, since the same word can be perceived differently by the speaker and the listener. Thus, the psychologist needs to "decode", "decode" the client's message.

The educational psychologist supports the client in his ability to analyze, consider the situation with different parties and make a decision suitable for her, but at the same time he does not give advice and does not suggest what exactly to do to the client in these situations. The goal of reflective listening is to be as accurate as possible about what a particular client is saying.

The teacher-psychologist uses mainly the skills of clarification, support, paraphrasing, reflection of feelings, summary.

Empathic Listening includes the ability to respond to another person (client) with the emergence of empathy. empathy- this is the comprehension of the emotional state of another person in the form of empathy, understanding and acceptance of the content that he is trying to comprehend and realize.

Empathy is characterized by experiencing a special relationship with another person. The basic rule of empathic listening is not empathy, but empathy, that is, the creation of an emotional resonance with the experiences of the client. The goal of empathic listening is to understand the other person's feelings as accurately as possible. At the same time, the psychologist does not diagnose and does not evaluate the client, since the main goal of empathic listening (according to K. Rogers) is to be in the world of feelings of another person, and not to impose your own feelings on him. Empathic listening involves the psychologist understanding the client's feelings and conveying that understanding to the client. In empathic listening, the same techniques are used as in reflective listening: support, verbal following, clarification, paraphrasing, summary.

In addition to the micro-techniques of listening, there are techniques for influencing the client. Techniques impact- these are methods of active involvement of a teacher-psychologist in the process of solving the client's actual life problems. All counseling theories are based on the fact that the psychologist acts as an agent of change and personal growth of clients. In the case when the educational psychologist uses special methods of influence, changes can occur faster and more efficiently.

Impact techniques are closely related to listening techniques. When influencing the client, the educational psychologist maintains visual contact, uses non-verbal signals (nods his head, gesticulates, changes the spatial arrangement, etc.). Techniques of influence (influence) are usually divided into a series of microtechniques of communicative practice, such as directive, confrontation, interpretation and self-disclosure (A. Ivey et al.).

It is much more difficult to master the techniques of influence than the techniques of listening. This requires the guidance of an experienced supervisor. Impact techniques are more effective when used infrequently in a reasonable combination with listening methods.

Interpretation is the main tool of psychoanalysis and is widely used in counseling. According to R. Greenson, “to interpret means to make an unconscious phenomenon conscious… Through interpretation, we go beyond what can be directly observed and attach meaning and causality to a psychological phenomenon” (R. Greenson, 2003, p. 57.).

The starting point for interpretation is the psychological theory on which the psychologist bases his work. Interpretation is not used often, as it usually challenges the client's point of view on the problem. Speaking about interpretation, I would like to refer to the now classic phrase of D. Winnicott: “... I make an interpretation, pursuing two goals. First, to show the patient that I am awake. Secondly, to show the patient that I can be wrong.”

R. Menninger wrote about the complexity and correctness when using interpretations: psychologists “would do well to recall that they should not act as oracles, magicians, linguists, investigators involved in the “interpretation” of dreams, but only as observers, listeners and – sometimes – commentators” (R. Menninger, 1958).

Directive- the most powerful of the impact techniques. When using a directive, the psychologist tells the client what action to take. Different theories use different kinds of directives, for example:

free associations: “Remember and tell us what moments from your childhood this feeling is associated with…”;

Gestalt method of working with an empty chair: “Imagine that your teacher is sitting in this chair. Tell him everything you think and feel. Now sit down in this chair and answer yourself on his behalf”;

fantasizing: “Imagine that 5 years have passed ... You are in the future ... Before you is a young woman ... This woman is you ... Come closer to her ... Look at what she is wearing, how she looks ... What is she doing? How does he live? You can ask her about something important…”

relaxation: “Close your eyes… Feel your body… Relax your facial muscles…”

Wish: "I would like you to do the following..."

The psychologist can give instructions to clients, suggesting certain changes in behavior (training of behavioral skills), language substitutions (“must” with “want” and “don’t want”). It must be remembered that the use of directives is possible only after establishing contact between the psychologist and the client.

Confrontation. The term "confrontation" has 2 meanings: 1) stand opposite, look in the face and 2) resist hostilely, be in opposition. For a psychologist, the first meaning of the term is the main one, since confrontation is not an aggressive intrusion into the client's space and should not lead to polarization of relations with him.

During confrontation, the educational psychologist draws the client's attention to those facts in his story that are contradictory, inadequate. Important for understanding confrontation are the concepts of "disagreement" or "incongruity". The client gives double messages during the interview (yes…but); demonstrates opposite or contradictory feelings and thoughts. The psychologist points out these double messages to the client and thus confronts the client with the facts. The purpose of counseling is the identification and confrontation of the main contradictions of the client.

Having noticed contradictions in the client's story, the psychologist can use the following template: "On the one hand you think (feel, act) ..., but on the other hand you think (feel, act ...)". The psychologist also raises the question of the possible significance of this behavior of the client for his life at the moment. In this way, you can use the client's ability to look at things from a different point of view, to establish the nature of the connection between different topics in his story. It is important to note the client's reaction to confrontation: whether he is able to experience empathy for the psychologist, which reflects his understanding of this contradictory situation. Confrontation is a method that requires tact and patience.

Confrontation maintains a balance between methods of observation and influence. It becomes more effective when presented in the form of a complex retelling or reflection of feelings. Confrontation can be achieved through both observational and influencing methods, but when it occurs within the framework of a retelling or generalization, there is still room for the client's personal growth. It takes a careful balance of confrontation with the right amount of warm, positive attitude and respect.

Self-disclosure- This is a technique of influence based on the fact that the educational psychologist shares personal experience and feelings or shares the feelings of the client. It is connected with the feedback technique and is based on the "I-statements" of the specialist.

Different counseling systems use different microtechniques in different proportions. The qualification of an educator-psychologist consists of an understanding of the general structural model of counseling and competence in microtechnics, as well as the ability to apply all this, taking into account the individual and cultural characteristics of the client.

In conclusion, I would like to note that the success of psychological counseling is achieved by the plurality and genre-style non-specificity of the languages of consultative interaction.

Depending on the problem, worries a person and the individual characteristics of the client, the following types of psychological counseling are distinguished: intimate-personal, family, psychological-pedagogical and business consulting. All these types of counseling are closely related to each other, have much in common, but at the same time, each of these types of counseling has the specifics of the organization, content features, requires the consultant to be competent in a certain area of psychology, have practical experience in the relevant field of activity, and that similar. Let us characterize each of these types of consulting, the content features and specifics of the organization.

The most common type of consultation that people turn to is intimate personal counseling. The purpose of this type of counseling is to help people in matters of an intimate and personal nature.

Content features of intimate-personal counseling. This type of counseling includes those issues that deeply concern a person, cause her strong emotional experiences associated with problems in her personal life, often hidden from loved ones or problems in communicating with others. So, among the most common problems of intimate-personal counseling, we can conditionally single out:

Problems of an internal nature, due to the presence of shortcomings of a personal, behavioral nature, which a person seeks to get rid of. They can be caused by fears, increased anxiety, mental disorders that do not require medical intervention, and the like.

Problems social character that arise in relationships with other people, in communication with them, induce conflicts, misunderstandings, and the destruction of relationships that are significant for a person.

The specifics of intimate-personal counseling is that its success depends primarily on the existence of a trusting relationship between the consultant and the client, which becomes the basis for meaningful and frank conversations. Secondly, the key to the success of this type of consultation is to ensure the absolute confidentiality of the content of these conversations, therefore, the secrecy of information from any other people. Thus, the personality traits of a consultant - a person who can be completely and completely trusted - in this type of counseling is of particular importance. In case of distrust of the consultant, the information that the client will provide will be incomplete, which will significantly affect the content of further work with the person.

A specific feature of this type of consultations is that they cannot be one-time, short-term and fast. Achieving a positive result in the intimate-personal sphere involves a fairly lengthy, painstaking and systematic work. Establishing mutual understanding between a consultant and a client, conducting sincere and frank conversations about existing problems, jointly searching for ways to solve these problems, the difficult way of restructuring a person’s views on situations that have arisen, psychological support of a person during their overcoming - all this takes time, attentive attitude, systematic meetings and constant discussion.

The main requirements for this type of consultation are as follows:

1) a counseling psychologist must be a delicate, tolerant, benevolent person, inspire absolute trust in the client, promote mutual understanding, ensure unconditional acceptance of the client's personality;

2) a counseling psychologist must have sufficient experience in intimate personal communication with different people, have an idea of typical and atypical problems of an intimate personal nature, calmly perceive them, be able to analyze the actions and actions of people, invent new ways out of the crisis, taking into account individual capabilities client;

3) the consultant psychologist should be somewhat older than the client, but not by much, since distrust and significant differences of opinion may arise between them. It is desirable that the client and the consultant belong to the same generation, just then the advice of the consultant will be perceived much easier;

4) the psychologist-consultant should not have acute, unresolved problems of an intimate-personal nature, especially those that the client who asked for help. If this requirement is not met, the psychologist will subconsciously be subjective in his attitude towards the client, in assessing his problem, therefore, he will be unable to provide real effective help.

5) the psychologist-consultant must have enough time to conduct consultations of this type, and is also obliged to warn the client that it may take a long time to solve his problem. It is advisable to at least approximately determine how much time it will take to solve a particular problem and inform the client about it.

Family counseling is a widespread form of counseling. The purpose of this type of counseling is to assist in building family relationships.

Content features of family counseling. The content of consultations of this type usually includes issues related to the client's family, families of people close to him, relationships in these families. A significant place is occupied by consultations on the issues of choosing partners, building and regulating relations with them, creating a positive microclimate in a young family, preventing and overcoming conflicts, relations between husband and wife, relations with relatives of husband and wife, behavior of spouses during a divorce, after it, solving current family problems and the like.

The nature of family counseling can be considered what it requires from a psychologist-consultant to have their own experience of family life, understanding the essence of typical family problems, knowledge various ways establishing positive family interaction, mastering the skills to prevent and resolve conflicts in their families, becomes the basis for further successful work with the client. In this case, the consultant's experience, either positive (which gives experience of ways to preserve the family, creating the foundations of mutual understanding, family harmony) or negative, which gives an understanding of possible obstacles, typical problems, conflict factors, ways to overcome them, is an essential factor in the success of this type of consultation.

There are a number of requirements for this type of consultation:

1) a counseling psychologist must deeply understand the laws of married life, the patterns of formation of family relations, take them into account when providing psychological recommendations;

2) in the course of counseling a married couple, one cannot take the position of one of the family members, since in most cases both of them are guilty of any family problem, although the degree of responsibility and guilt of each of them may be different. This means that the consultant's actions cannot be directed only to the benefit of only one of the spouses, since this can only lead to an increase in conflict, an escalation of accusations towards one of the partners. Thus, the support of one side of the conflict will not lead to its overcoming. Only the desire of both, their common desire to achieve mutual understanding, can contribute to the effective improvement of relations in the family;

3) in the course of counseling on the possibility of creating a family (especially by adults), special attention should be paid to determining the psychological compatibility of people with each other, to inform them (by mutual agreement) about the results of such a study, to establish whether they are ready to make changes in their character, behavior to build family relationships. Based on all the data received about the future family, the individual characteristics of clients, their psychological compatibility, the psychologist must develop and inform clients of the final forecast regarding the well-being of their future family. At the same time, he should be as delicate as possible, but honest, principled and consistent;

4) in the course of counseling about the remarriage of adults, it should be reminded that adults have certain character traits (both positive and negative), which are no longer subject to change. That is why, during consultations, special attention should be paid to the formation of readiness to accept each other's shortcomings, explaining to spouses how they should behave when each other's character traits are manifested, and the formation of the ability to behave correctly in such situations. It is desirable that the recommended techniques be demonstrated during the consultation and well understood by the clients.

This type of counseling is also very common. psychological and pedagogical counseling.

aim psychological and pedagogical counseling is to assist in the upbringing, education, development of children in educational institutions and the family. Consultations of a psychological and pedagogical nature are usually held with adults - teachers, parents, heads of educational institutions. However, consultations of psychological and pedagogical content on training and education can be carried out with schoolchildren - students of middle and senior classes.

In terms of content, these include consultations related to upbringing and education, aimed at increasing the competence of teachers and parents in the upbringing of children of a particular age. These include issues of prevention of crisis phenomena on the path of development of the child's personality, improvement of the style of communication with the child, creation and use effective means harmonious development of the child's personality, and the like.

The complex and peculiar meaning of psychological and pedagogical consultations conducted with teachers - teachers, educators, heads of educational institutions - people who are professionally involved in the upbringing and education of children. In this case, the content of consultations is most often aimed at improving the content, forms, methods of working with a child, restructuring programs, creating individual programs for working with a particular child, searching for the most effective methods of influencing a particular child or group of children, and finding ways to ensure the successful development of a particular child. a different child or a whole class, the restructuring of established views on education and development, the psychological justification for the expediency of innovation, and the like. Even more difficult in terms of the professionalism and competence of the consultant are the consultations that are held for practical psychologists in the field of education. In terms of content, they are most often aimed at clarifying complex issues that a psychologist cannot cope with on his own. Especially difficult and responsible is the counseling carried out with children - schoolchildren, adolescents, young men about the problems that arise in them in the process of education, upbringing, self-education, communication with parents. In this case, recommendations are given that concern not only the client himself, but also his social environment.

The peculiarity of this type of counseling is that it assumes that the consultant has special education and experience in educational institutions. Such experience provides an understanding of typical problems, ways out of crisis situations, becomes the basis for understanding the individual characteristics of children, the specifics of educational work with them, the content and organizational features of various educational programs and methods. Of great importance is the experience of working not only with children, but also with adults - professionals who seek advice in the most difficult, emergency situations. In this case, the psychologist renders recommendations that cannot be standardized, typical, they need deep thoughtfulness, originality, creative search and systematic cooperation with the client.

Basic requirements for this type of consultation:

1) A consultant psychologist must have a special psychological and pedagogical education, sufficient experience in educational institutions, experience in working with adults, professionally trained people.

2) The psychologist-consultant has no right to exercise negative attitude to the client, even if there is every reason to do so. This primarily concerns the parents of children who carry out the wrong way of life, the wrong upbringing of children and who are strongly recommended to seek advice from teachers.

3) The counseling psychologist must remember that consultations of this type are not always aimed at the direct actions of the client himself, to a large extent they may relate to the activation of the activities of other people (parents of pupils, teachers, teaching staff). That is why the psychologist's recommendations should take into account the peculiarities of the client's social environment, should guide him in how exactly he should involve other people in the developmental-corrective process, how he should influence the parents of the pupils in order to achieve changes in consciousness and behavior.

4) If necessary, a counseling psychologist can provide systemic (or multi-channel) counseling to people who are related to the identified problem, invite people who are interested in solving it (grandparents, brothers, sisters) for consultations. In this case, each of the participants in the problem situation receives recommendations on how to behave, understands the causes and possible consequences of the situation, and has the opportunity to really help others in overcoming the problem.

5) A counseling psychologist must understand that psychological and pedagogical counseling rarely occurs as a one-time event, it cannot be episodic and short-term. To achieve success in the professional activities of a teacher, to make changes in the minds of parents, to restructure their style of communication with a child, to build relationships with her, painstaking and systematic work should be carried out.

business consulting- one of the common types of consulting, which is associated with the solution of business, production problems. The purpose of business consulting is to assist people in solving production issues of psychological content.

Content features of business consulting. Business consulting is differentiated in content depending on the types and stages of a person's professional activity. Thus, a significant place is occupied by consultations related to the choice of a profession, the identification and development of abilities, the improvement of professional skills, the issues of the scientific organization of labor, increasing efficiency, lobbying for production interests, negotiating, creating a favorable psychological climate in production, distributing responsibilities "connections, conflict resolution between employees, workers and managers, and the like.

The specifics of business consulting is the knowledge by a consultant psychologist of the features of a person’s production activities, management, psychological characteristics scientific organization of labor, the presence of own experience in production activities, preferably in the relevant industry.

1. The psychologist-consultant must have work experience (preferably in the area the client is applying for). If there is no original experience of activity, then the psychologist-consultant should ask the client in detail about the features of his activity in a certain production area. In this case, the psychologist should not hide his ignorance, because this will interfere with the development of correct, effective recommendations.

2. Conducting business consulting is facilitated by the business atmosphere in which it takes place, as well as the businesslike nature of the relationship between the consultant and the client. In this case, counseling can be carried out at the client's workplace or in the office directly at the production site, it will help the client feel more confident, and the consultant better understand the features of a particular production and find the right means of influence.

3. Prior to the start of the consultation, its conditions must be determined - the place, work procedure, cost, expected results, duration, and the like.

Thus, each type of consulting implies the need to create specific conditions, compliance with a number of requirements and the availability of the consultant with appropriate training and experience, ensures his competence in solving problems of a certain content.