Three fat men read in full online.

three fat men

Yuri Karlovich Olesha

The novel-tale "Three Fat Men" was written by Yuri Karlovich Olesha in 1924. The work is romantic and heroic at the same time. There are no miracles here that would not happen in life, supernatural, magical forces do not work. But the playful energy that permeates many of the book's pages makes the whole book look like an extended theatrical performance. Suok and Tutti, the gymnast Tibul and the gunsmith Prospero, Dr. Gaspar Arneri and other bold, funny, scary characters of this story were written out by the writer bright colors detailed and convincing.

Yuri Olesha

three fat men

Part one

Rope walker Tibul

The Restless Day of Dr. Gaspard Arnery

The time for wizards is over. In all likelihood, they never actually existed. All this is fiction and fairy tales for very young children. It's just that some magicians were able to deceive all sorts of onlookers so cleverly that these magicians were mistaken for sorcerers and wizards.

There was such a doctor. His name was Gaspar Arneri. A naive person, a fair reveller, a half-educated student could also take him for a magician. In fact, this doctor did such amazing things that they really looked like miracles. Of course, he had nothing to do with wizards and charlatans who fooled too gullible people.

Dr. Gaspard Arneri was a scientist. Perhaps he studied about a hundred sciences. In any case, there was no one in the country wiser and more learned than Gaspard Arnery.

Everyone knew about his scholarship: the miller, the soldiers, the ladies, and the ministers. And the schoolchildren sang a whole song about him with this refrain:

How to fly from earth to the stars

How to catch a fox by the tail

How to make steam out of stone, -

Our doctor Gaspar knows.

One summer, in June, when there was a very good weather, Dr. Gaspard Arnery decided to go on a long walk to collect some species of grasses and beetles.

Dr. Gaspard was a middle-aged man and therefore was afraid of rain and wind. When he left the house, he wrapped a thick scarf around his neck, put on goggles against dust, took a cane so as not to stumble, and generally went for a walk with great precautions.

This time the day was wonderful: the sun did nothing but shine; the grass was so green that there was even a sensation of sweetness in the mouth; dandelions flew, birds whistled; a light breeze fluttered like an airy ball gown.

“That’s good,” said the doctor, “only you still need to take a raincoat, because summer weather deceptive. It can start raining.

The doctor took care of the household chores, blew on his glasses, grabbed his box, like a suitcase, made of green leather, and left.

Most interesting places were outside the city - where the Palace of the Three Fat Men was located. The doctor visited these places most often. The Palace of the Three Fat Men stood in the middle of a huge park. The park was surrounded by deep channels. Above the channels hung black iron bridges. The bridges were guarded by the palace guards - guardsmen in black oilcloth hats with yellow feathers. Meadows covered with flowers, groves and ponds swirled around the park to the very heavenly line. This was a great place to walk. Here grew the most interesting species of grass, here the most beautiful beetles rang and the most skillful birds sang.

“But walking is a long way. I will go to the city rampart and hire a cab. He will take me to the palace park, thought the doctor.

There were more people near the city rampart than usual.

“Is today Sunday? the doctor doubted. - I don't think. Today is Tuesday".

The doctor stepped closer.

The whole area was crowded with people. The doctor saw craftsmen in gray cloth jackets with green cuffs; sailors with faces the color of clay; wealthy townspeople in colored waistcoats, with their wives whose skirts looked like rose bushes; merchants with decanters, trays, ice cream makers and braziers; skinny street actors, green, yellow and motley, as if sewn from a patchwork quilt; very small guys pulling red funny dogs by the tails.

Everyone crowded in front of the city gates. Huge, house-high, iron gates were tightly closed.

"Why are the gates closed?" the doctor was surprised.

The crowd was noisy, everyone was talking loudly, shouting, cursing, but it was really impossible to make out anything.

The doctor approached a young woman who was holding a fat gray cat, and asked:

– Please, explain: what is going on here? Why are there so many people, what is the reason for their excitement and why are the city gates closed?

“Guards don’t let people out of the city…

Why aren't they released?

- So that they do not help those who have already left the city and went to the Palace of the Three Fat Men ...

“I don’t understand anything, citizen, and I ask you to forgive me…”

“Ah, don’t you know that today the gunsmith Prospero and the gymnast Tibul led the people to storm the Palace of the Three Fat Men?”

“Prospero the gunsmith?”

- Yes, citizen ... The rampart is high, and on the other side guards riflemen sat down. No one will leave the city, and those who went with the gunsmith Prospero will be killed by the palace guards.

Indeed, several very distant shots rang out.

The woman dropped the fat cat. The cat plopped down like raw dough. The crowd roared.

“So I missed such a significant event,” thought the doctor. “It’s true, I didn’t leave the room for a whole month. I worked in lockdown. I didn't know anything..."

At this time, even farther, the cannon hit several times. Thunder bounced like a ball and rolled in the wind. Not only the doctor was frightened and hurriedly retreated a few steps - the whole crowd shied away and fell apart. The children cried; the pigeons flew away with a flurry of wings; the dogs sat down and howled.

Heavy cannon fire began. The noise rose unimaginable. The crowd pressed on the gate and shouted:

- Prospero! Prospero!

“Down with the Three Fat Men!”

Dr. Gaspar was completely taken aback. He was recognized in the crowd because many knew him by sight. Some rushed to him, as if seeking protection from him. But the doctor almost cried himself.

– What is going on there? How would you know what is going on there, behind the gate? Maybe the people are winning; Or maybe they've all been shot.

Then about ten people ran in the direction where three narrow streets began from the square. On the corner was a house with a tall old tower. Together with the rest, the doctor decided to climb the tower. Downstairs was a laundry room, similar to a bathhouse. It was as dark as a basement there. A spiral staircase led up. Light penetrated through the narrow windows, but there was very little of it, and everyone climbed slowly, with great difficulty, especially since the staircase was torn and with broken railings. It is easy to imagine how much work and excitement it cost Dr. Gaspard to climb to the top floor. In any case, on the twentieth step, in the darkness, his cry was heard:

“Ah, my heart is bursting, and I have lost my heel!”

The doctor lost his cloak even on the square, after the tenth shot from the cannon.

At the top of the tower was a platform surrounded by stone railings. From here, there was a view of at least fifty kilometers around. There was no time to admire the view, although the view deserved it. Everyone looked in the direction where the battle was taking place.

- I have binoculars. I always carry 8-glass binoculars with me. Here it is, - said the doctor and unfastened the strap.

Binoculars

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passed from hand to hand.

Dr. Gaspar saw a lot of people in the green space. They ran towards the city. They ran away. From a distance, people looked like colorful flags. Guardsmen on horseback chased the people.

Dr. Gaspar thought it all looked like a picture of a magic lantern. The sun shone brightly, the greenery shone. The bombs exploded like pieces of cotton wool, the flames appeared for one second, as if someone was letting sunbeams into the crowd. The horses prancing, rearing up and spinning like a top.

The park and the Palace of the Three Fat Men were shrouded in white transparent smoke.

- They run!

“They are running… The people are defeated!”

The fleeing people were approaching the city. Entire heaps of people fell along the road. It seemed that multi-colored shreds were pouring onto the greenery.

The bomb whistled over the square.

Someone, frightened, dropped the binoculars. The bomb exploded, and everyone who was at the top of the tower rushed back down, inside the tower.

The locksmith caught on a hook with a leather apron. He looked around, saw something terrible and yelled at the whole square:

- Run! They've got the gunsmith Prospero! They're about to enter the city!

A commotion began on the square. The crowd backed away from the gate and ran from the square to the streets. Everyone went deaf from the gunfire.

Dr. Gaspard and two others stopped on the third floor of the tower. They looked out of a narrow window punched into the thick wall.

Only one could look right. The rest watched with one eye. The doctor also looked with one eye. But even for one eye, the sight was scary enough.

The huge iron gates swung open to their full width. About three hundred people flew into this gate at once. They were craftsmen in gray cloth jackets with green cuffs. They fell, covered in blood. Guards jumped over their heads. They cut with sabers and fired with guns. Yellow feathers fluttered, black oilcloth hats sparkled, horses opened their red mouths, twisted their eyes and scattered foam.

– Look! Look! Prospero! the doctor shouted.

The gunsmith Prospero was dragged in a noose. He walked, fell and got up again. He had matted red hair, a bloody face, and a thick noose around his neck.

- Prospero! He's been captured! the doctor shouted.

At this time, a bomb flew into the laundry room. The tower tilted, swayed, lingered in an oblique position for one second and collapsed. The doctor went head over heels, losing his second heel, cane, suitcase and glasses.

Ten blocks

The doctor fell happily. He did not break his head, and his legs remained intact. However, that doesn't mean anything. Even a happy fall along with a shot tower is not entirely pleasant, especially for a person who is not young, but rather old, such as Dr. Gaspard Arnery was. In any case, from one fright, the doctor lost consciousness.

When he came to, it was already evening. The doctor looked around.

- What a shame! The glasses are broken, of course. When I look without glasses, I probably see the way a non-short-sighted person sees if he wears glasses. This is very unpleasant.

Then he grumbled about the broken heels:

- I'm already small in stature, and now I'll be an inch shorter. Or maybe two inches, because two heels broke off? No, of course - only one vershok ...

He lay on a pile of rubble. Almost the entire tower collapsed. A long and narrow piece of wall stuck out like a bone. The music played far away. The merry waltz flew away with the wind, disappeared and did not return. The doctor raised his head. Hanging from above different parties black broken rafters. Stars shone in the greenish evening sky.

- Where is it played? the doctor was surprised.

It was cold without a coat. Not a single voice was heard in the square. The Doctor, groaning, got up among the stones that had fallen on top of each other. On the way, he caught on someone's big boot. The locksmith lay stretched out across the beam and looked up at the sky. The doctor moved him. He didn't want to get up.

The Doctor raised his hand to take off his hat. The locksmith died.

I also lost my hat. Where am I to go?

He left the square. There were people on the road; the doctor bent low over each and saw the stars reflected in their wide eyes. He touched their foreheads with his hand. They were very cold and wet with blood that looked black at night.

- Here! Here! whispered the doctor. - So, the people are defeated ... What will happen now?

Half an hour later he reached crowded places. He is very tired. He wanted to eat and drink. Here the city had its usual appearance.

The doctor stood at the crossroads, resting from a long walk, and thought: “How strange! Multi-colored lights are burning, carriages are rushing, glass doors are ringing. Semi-circular windows shine with a golden glow. There, along the columns, couples flicker. There's a fun ball. Chinese colored lanterns circle over the black water. People live the way they lived yesterday. Don't they know about what happened this morning? Didn't they hear gunshots and groans? Do they not know that the leader of the people, the armorer Prospero, has been taken prisoner? Maybe nothing happened? Maybe I had a terrible dream?

At the corner where the three-armed lantern burned, carriages stood along the pavement. The flower girls were selling roses. The coachmen were talking to the flower girls.

“He was dragged in a noose through the city. Poor thing!

“Now they put him in an iron cage. The cage is in the Palace of the Three Fat Men,” said a fat coachman in a blue top hat with a bow.

Then a lady with a girl came up to the flower girls to buy roses.

- Who was put in a cage? she asked.

- Armourer Prospero. The guards took him prisoner.

- Well, thank God! said the lady.

The girl whimpered.

“Why are you crying, stupid? the lady was surprised. “Do you feel sorry for the gunsmith Prospero?” You don't have to feel sorry for him. He wanted to harm us. Look at those beautiful roses...

Large roses, like swans, floated slowly in bowls full of bitter water and leaves.

Here are three roses for you. And there is no need to cry. They are rebels. If they are not put in iron cages, they will take our houses, dresses and our roses, and they will cut us.

At that moment, a boy ran past. He pulled first the lady by her cloak, embroidered with stars, and then the girl by her pigtail.

“Nothing, Countess! the boy shouted. - The gunsmith Prospero is in a cage, and the gymnast Tibul is free!

- Ah, slut!

The lady stamped her foot and dropped her purse. The flower girls began to laugh out loud. The fat coachman took advantage of the commotion and invited the lady to get into the carriage and go.

The lady and the girl drove off.

- Wait, jumper! the flower girl called to the boy. - Come here! Tell me what you know...

Two coachmen got off the box and, tangled in their bonnets with five capes, approached the flower girls.

“Here is the whip, so the whip! Whip!" thought the boy, looking at the long whip that the coachman was waving. The boy really wanted to have such a whip, but it was impossible for many reasons.

- So what are you saying? the coachman asked in a bass voice. - Gymnast Tibul is free?

- So they say. I was in port...

"Didn't the guards kill him?" asked another coachman, also in a bass voice.

- No, dad ... Beauty, give me one rose!

- Wait, you fool. You better tell...

- Yes, that means, so ... At first, everyone thought that he was killed. Then they searched for him among the dead and did not find him.

“Perhaps they threw him into a canal?” asked the coachman.

A beggar intervened in the conversation.

- Whom in the channel? - he asked. – Gymnast

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Tibul is not a kitten. You won't drown him. Gymnast Tibul is alive. He managed to escape!

- You lie, camel! said the coachman.

– Gymnast Tibul is alive! cried the flower girls in delight.

The boy pulled off the rose and started to run. Drops from the wet flower fell on the doctor. The doctor wiped the drops from his face, bitter as tears, and stepped closer to hear what the beggar had to say.

There was something that got in the way of the conversation. An extraordinary procession appeared on the street. In front rode two riders with torches. Torches fluttered like fiery beards. Then a black carriage with a coat of arms moved slowly.

The carpenters followed behind. There were a hundred of them.

They walked with their sleeves rolled up, ready to go, with aprons, saws, planers, and boxes under their arms. Guardsmen rode on both sides of the procession. They held back the horses that wanted to gallop.

- What is it? What's this? Passers-by got excited.

In a black carriage with a coat of arms sat an official of the Council of Three Fat Men. The flower girls were scared. Raising their palms to their cheeks, they looked at his head. She was visible through the glass door. The street was brightly lit. The black head in the wig bobbed as if dead. It seemed that a bird was sitting in the carriage.

- Stay away! shouted the guards.

Where are the carpenters going? the little flower girl asked the head guard.

And the guardsman shouted into her face so fiercely that her hair swelled, as if in a draft:

- The carpenters are going to build chopping blocks! Understood? The carpenters will build ten blocks!

The flower girl dropped her bowl. Roses poured out like compote.

“They are going to build chopping blocks!” repeated Dr. Gaspard in horror.

- Cry! shouted the guardsman, turning around and baring his teeth under a mustache that looked like boots. “Blow all the rebels!” Everyone's heads will be cut off! Anyone who dares to rebel against the power of the Three Fat Men!

The doctor's head was spinning. He thought he was going to faint.

“I've been through too much this day,” he said to himself, “and besides, I'm very hungry and very tired. We need to hurry home."

Indeed, it was time for the doctor to rest. He was so excited by everything that had happened, seen and heard, that he did not even attach importance to his own flight along with the tower, the absence of a hat, cloak, cane and heels. Worst of all was, of course, without glasses.

He hired a carriage and went home.

Star area

The doctor was returning home. He rode along the widest asphalt streets, which were lit brighter than the halls, and a chain of lanterns ran high above him in the sky. The lanterns looked like balls filled with dazzling boiling milk. Around the lanterns, midges fell, sang and died. He rode along the embankments, along the stone fences. There, bronze lions held shields in their paws and stuck out long tongues. Below, the water flowed slowly and thickly, black and shining like pitch. The city capsized into the water, sank, floated away and could not swim away, only dissolved in delicate golden spots. He rode over arched bridges. From below, or from the other side, they looked like cats arching their iron backs before jumping. Here, at the entrance, there were guards on every bridge. Soldiers sat on drums, smoking pipes, playing cards and yawning at the stars.

The doctor rode, looked and listened.

From the street, from the houses, from the open windows of the taverns, from behind the fences of the pleasure gardens, individual words of the song rushed:

Hit Prospero in a well-aimed

chastity collar, -

Sitting in an iron cage

A zealous gunsmith.

The tipsy dandy picked up this verse. The dandy's aunt died, who had a lot of money, even more freckles and did not have a single relative. Frant inherited all his aunt's money. Therefore, he was, of course, dissatisfied with the fact that the people were rising up against the power of the rich.

There was a big show going on in the menagerie. On the wooden stage, three fat, shaggy monkeys portrayed the Three Fat Men. The fox terrier played the mandolin. A clown in a crimson suit, with a golden sun on his back and a golden moon on his stomach, recited verses to the beat of the music:

Like three sacks of wheat

Three fell apart Fat Man!

They have no more worries

How to grow a belly!

Hey, watch out, Fatties:

The last days have arrived!

The last days have arrived! shouted the bearded parrots from all sides.

The noise was incredible. Animals in different cages began to bark, growl, click, whistle.

Monkeys darted across the stage. It was impossible to understand where their hands were, where their legs were. They jumped into the audience and rushed to flee. There was also a scandal in the public. Those who were thicker were especially noisy. Fat men with flushed cheeks, shaking with anger, threw hats and binoculars at the clown. The fat lady waved her umbrella and, catching a fat neighbor, tore off her hat.

- Ah, ah, ah! the neighbor cackled and raised her hands, because the wig fell off along with the hat.

The monkey, running away, slapped the lady's bald head with her palm. The neighbor fainted.

– Ha-ha-ha!

– Ha-ha-ha! – the other part of the audience, thinner in appearance and worse dressed, was flooded. – Bravo! Bravo! Fuck them! Down with the Three Fat Men! Long live Prospero! Long live Tibul! Long live the people!

At that moment, a very loud cry was heard:

- Fire! The city is on fire...

People, crushing each other and overturning benches, ran to the exits. The watchmen caught the runaway monkeys.

The driver who was carrying the doctor turned and said, pointing in front of him with a whip:

“Guards are burning the workers' quarters. They want to find the gymnast Tibul...

Above the city, above the black pile of houses, a pink glow trembled.

When the doctor's carriage found itself at the main city square, which was called the Star, it turned out to be impossible to pass. At the entrance crowded a mass of carriages, carriages, riders, pedestrians.

- What? the doctor asked.

No one answered anything, because everyone was busy with what was happening in the square. The driver got up to his full height on the goats and began to look there too.

This area was called the Square of the Star for the following reason. It was surrounded by huge houses of the same height and shape and covered with a glass dome, which made it look like a colossal circus. In the middle of the dome, at a terrible height, the world's largest lantern burned. It was an amazingly large ball. Encircled across by an iron ring, hanging on powerful cables, it resembled the planet Saturn. Its light was so beautiful and so unlike any earthly light that people gave this lantern a wonderful name - the Star. So they began to call the whole area.

No more light was needed in the square, or in the houses, or in the streets nearby. The star illuminated all the nooks and crannies, all the corners and closets in all the houses that surrounded the square with a stone ring. Here people did without lamps and candles.

The charioteer looked over the carriages, carriages, and coachman's top hats, which looked like the heads of apothecary's vials.

– What do you see? What is happening there? the doctor was worried, looking out from behind the coachman. little doctor could not see anything, especially since he was nearsighted.

The driver relayed everything he saw.

And that's what he saw.

There was great excitement in the square. People were running around the huge circular space, scattered in multi-colored handfuls. The circle of the square seemed to be spinning like a merry-go-round. People rolled from one place to another in order to better see what was being done.

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A monstrous lantern, blazing on high, blinded the eyes like the sun. People lifted their heads up and covered their eyes with their palms.

- Here he is! Here he is! - there were screams.

- Here, look! There!

- Where? Where?

- Tibul! Tibul!

Hundreds of index fingers extended to the left. There was an ordinary house there. But on six floors all the windows were dissolved. Heads stuck out of every window. They were different in appearance: some in nightcaps with tassels, lined with the backs of their heads, like raw sausages; others in pink caps, with kerosene-coloured curls; the third in headscarves; upstairs, where the poor youth lived - poets, artists, actresses - peeped out cheerful, beardless faces in clouds of tobacco smoke and the heads of women surrounded by such a radiance of golden hair that it seemed as if they had wings on their shoulders. This house, with open lattice windows and multi-colored heads that protruded like birds, looked like a large cage filled with goldfinches. All the heads, twisting as much as they could, and risking dragging their owners behind them, which threatened to fly from a height onto the pavement, tried to see something very significant that was happening on the roof. It was as impossible as seeing one's own ears without a mirror. Such a mirror for these people, who wanted to see their own roof from their own house, was the crowd raging in the square. She saw everything, screamed, waved her arms: some expressed delight, others - indignation.

There was a small figure moving along the roof. She slowly, carefully and confidently descended the slope of the triangular top of the house. Iron rattled under her feet.

She waved her cloak, balancing herself like a tightrope walker in a circus balancing with a yellow Chinese umbrella.

It was the gymnast Tibul.

The people shouted:

Bravo, Tibul! Bravo, Tibul!

- Hold on! Remember how you walked the tightrope at the fair.

He won't fall! He is the best gymnast in the country...

It's not the first time for him. We have seen how skilled he is in tightrope walking...

Bravo, Tibul!

- Run! Save yourself! Release Prospero!

Others were outraged. They shook their fists.

“You can’t run away, you pathetic buffoon!”

- Rebel! You will be shot like a rabbit...

- Watch out! We will drag you from the roof to the chopping block. Ten blocks will be ready tomorrow!

Tibul continued his terrible path.

– Where did he come from? people asked. How did he come to this square? How did he get on the roof?

“He escaped from the hands of the guardsmen,” answered the others. - He fled, disappeared, then he was seen in different parts cities - he climbed over the roofs. He is as agile as a cat. His art was useful to him. No wonder the fame of him spread throughout the country.

Guards appeared on the square. Onlookers ran to the side streets. Tibul stepped over the barrier and stood on the ledge. He held out his cloaked hand. The green cloak fluttered like a banner.

With the same cloak, in the same tights, sewn from yellow and black triangles, the people got used to seeing him during performances at fairs and Sunday festivities.

Now high up under the glass dome, small and thin and striped, he looked like a wasp crawling up the white wall of the house. When the cloak was inflated, it seemed that the wasp was opening its green shiny wings.

"Now you're going to fall, you bastard!" Now you will be shot! - shouted the tipsy dandy, who inherited from the freckled aunt.

The guards have chosen a convenient position. The officer was running extremely worried. In his hands he held a pistol. His spurs were as long as runners.

There was complete silence. The doctor grabbed his heart, which jumped like an egg in boiling water.

Tibul lingered for a second on the ledge. He needed to get to the opposite side of the square. Then he could run from the Zvezda Square towards the workers' quarters.

The officer stood in the middle of the square on a flower bed blooming with yellow and blue flowers. There was a pool and a fountain spouting from a round stone bowl.

“Wait,” the officer said to the soldiers, “I’ll shoot him myself.” I'm the best shooter in the regiment. Learn how to shoot.

From nine houses, on all sides, to the middle of the dome, to the Star, stretched nine steel cables, as thick as a sea rope, wires.

It seemed that from the lantern, from the blazing magnificent Star, nine long black rays were flying over the area.

It is not known what Tibul was thinking at that moment. But, probably, he decided this way: “I will cross over the square along this wire, as I walked on a tightrope at the fair. I won't fall. One wire stretches to the lantern, the other from the lantern to the opposite house. Having passed along both wires, I will reach the opposite roof and be saved.

The officer raised his pistol and took aim. Tibul walked along the cornice to the place where the wire began, separated from the wall and moved along the wire to the lantern.

The crowd gasped.

He walked very slowly, then suddenly started almost running, stepping quickly and carefully, swaying, spreading his arms. Every minute it seemed that he would fall. Now his shadow appeared on the wall. The more he approached the lantern, the lower the shadow fell along the wall, and the larger and paler it became.

There was an abyss below.

And when he was in the middle of the way to the lantern, the voice of an officer was heard in complete silence:

- Now I'm going to shoot. It will fly straight into the pool. One two Three!

The shot boomed.

Tibul continued to walk, but for some reason the officer fell right into the pool.

He was killed.

One of the guards held a pistol, from which blue smoke was coming out. He shot the officer.

- Dog! – said the guardsman. “You wanted to kill a friend of the people. I prevented it. Long live the people!

- Long live the people! - supported him by other guardsmen.

Long live the Three Fat Men! shouted their opponents.

They scattered in all directions and opened fire on a man who was walking along the wire.

He was already two steps away from the lantern. With a wave of his cloak, Tibul protected his eyes from the glare. Bullets flew past. The crowd roared in delight.

- Hooray! Past!

Tibul climbed onto the ring that surrounded the lantern.

- Nothing! shouted the guards. - He will go to the other side ... He will go along the other wire. From there we will take it off!

Something happened here that no one expected. The striped figure, which had turned black in the glare of the lantern, sat down on an iron ring, turned a lever, something clicked, tinkled, and the lantern instantly went out.

Nobody got a chance to say a word. It became terribly dark and terribly still, as in a chest.

And the next minute, high, high again, something knocked and rang. A pale square opened up in the dark dome. Everyone saw a piece of the sky with two small stars. Then a black figure crawled into this square against the background of the sky, and it was heard how someone quickly ran along the glass dome.

Gymnast Tibul escaped from Star Square through a hatch.

The horses were frightened by the shots and the sudden darkness.

The doctor's crew almost capsized. The coachman turned sharply and took the doctor in a roundabout way.

Thus, having experienced an extraordinary day and an extraordinary night, Dr. Gaspard Arnery returned home at last. His housekeeper, Aunt Ganymede, met him on the porch. She was very excited. Indeed, the doctor has been absent for such a long time! Aunt Ganymede clasped her hands, gasped, shook her head.

- Where are your glasses? Did they crash? Ah doctor

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doctor! Where is your coat? Have you lost it? Ahah!..

“Aunt Ganymede, besides, I broke both heels…”

- Oh, what a misfortune!

“A worse misfortune happened today, Aunt Ganymede: the gunsmith Prospero was captured. They put him in an iron cage.

Aunt Ganymede knew nothing of what happened during the day. She heard cannon fire, she saw the glow over the houses. A neighbor told her that a hundred carpenters were building blockhouses for the rebels in the Court Square.

- I became very scared. I closed the shutters and decided not to go anywhere. I've been waiting for you every minute. I was very nervous. Lunch is cold, dinner is cold, but you are still not there ...

The night is over. The doctor went to bed.

Among the hundred sciences he studied was history. He had a large leather-bound book, and in this book he wrote down his thoughts about important events.

“You have to be careful,” the doctor said, holding up a finger.

And, despite his fatigue, the doctor took his leather book, sat down at the table and began to write:

“Craftsmen, miners, sailors - all the poor working people of the city rose up against the power of the Three Fat Men. The guards won. The gunsmith Prospero is taken prisoner, and the gymnast Tibul fled. A guardsman had just shot his officer in the Square of the Star. This means that soon all the soldiers will refuse to fight against the people and protect the Three Fat Men. However, one has to fear for the fate of Tibul ... "

Then the doctor heard a noise behind him. He looked back. There was a fireplace. Came out of the fireplace tall man in a green coat. It was the gymnast Tibul.

Part two

Tutti heir doll

The Amazing Adventures of a Balloon Seller

The next day, work was in full swing on the Court Square. The carpenters built ten blocks. A convoy of guards supervised the work. The carpenters did their job without any particular desire.

– We do not want to build chopping blocks for artisans and miners! they were outraged.

“These are our brothers.

“They went to their deaths to free all who work.

– Shut up! - shouted the head of the convoy in such a terrible voice that the boards prepared for construction fell from screaming. - Be silent, or I will order you to whip with whips!

In the morning, crowds of people from different directions were heading towards the Court Square.

Dul strong wind, dust flew, signs swayed and gnashed, hats were torn off their heads and rolled under the wheels of jumping carriages.

In one place, due to the wind, an absolutely incredible incident happened: the seller of children's balloons was blown into the air by balloons.

- Hooray! Hooray! the children shouted as they watched the fantastic flight.

They clapped their hands: firstly, the spectacle was interesting in itself, and secondly, some pleasantness for the children lay in the unpleasant position of the flying seller of balloons. Children have always envied this seller. Envy is a bad feeling. But what to do! The balloons, red, blue, yellow, looked great. Everyone would like to have such a ball. The seller had a whole bunch of them. But there are no miracles! Not a single boy, the most obedient, and not a single girl, the most attentive, has ever been given a seller a single ball in his life: neither red, nor blue, nor yellow.

Now fate punished him for callousness. He flew over the city, hanging on a string to which the balls were tied. High in the sparkling blue sky they looked like a magical flying bunch of colorful grapes.

- Guard! the salesman shouted, hoping for nothing and kicking his legs.

On his feet he wore straw shoes, too large in size. As long as he walked the earth, everything went smoothly. To keep his shoes from falling off, he dragged his feet along the pavement like a lazybones.

And now, having found himself in the air, he could no longer resort to this trick.

- Hell!

Legs dangled like they were whipping cream.

- Hell!

A bunch of balls, wriggling and creaking, dangled in the wind.

One shoe did fall off.

- Look! Chinese walnut! Chinese walnut! shouted the children running downstairs.

Indeed, the fallen shoe resembled a Chinese walnut.

A dance teacher was walking along the street at that time. He seemed very graceful. He was long, with a small round head, with thin legs - he looked either like a violin or like a grasshopper. His delicate ear, accustomed to the sad voice of the flute and the gentle words of the dancers, could not endure the loud, cheerful cries of the children.

- Stop screaming! he got angry. How can you scream so loud! You need to express delight with beautiful, melodic phrases ... Well, for example ...

He took a pose, but did not have time to give an example. Like any dance teacher, he had a habit of looking mainly down at his feet! Alas! He didn't see what was going on upstairs.

The salesman's shoe fell on his head. His head was small, and a large straw shoe in the very at its best fell on her like a hat.

At this point, even the elegant dance teacher howled like a lazy ox driver.

The shoe covered half of the face.

Children clutched their stomachs:

– Ha-ha-ha! Ha ha ha!

Dance teacher Razdvatris

I usually looked down.

The teacher squeaked like a rat

He had a long nose

And now to the nose of Razdvatris

The straw shoe has grown!

So the boys sang, sitting on the fence, ready at any moment to fall on the other side and fly away.

– Ah! moaned the dance teacher. - Oh, how I suffer! And at least a ball shoe, otherwise such a disgusting, rough shoe!

It ended with the dance teacher being arrested.

“My dear,” they said to him, “your sight excites horror. You are breaking public silence. This should not be done at all, and even more so in such an alarming time.

The dance teacher wringed his hands.

- What a lie! he sobbed. - What a slander! I, a man who lives among waltzes and smiles, I, whose very figure is like treble clef- How can I break the public silence? Oh!.. Oh!..

He flew like a good dandelion.

- It's outrageous! the salesman yelled. - I don't want to fly. I just can't fly...

Everything was useless. The wind was getting stronger. The pile of balls rose higher and higher. The wind drove her outside the city, towards the Palace of the Three Fat Men.

Sometimes the seller managed to look down. Then he saw roofs, tiles that looked like dirty nails, quarters, blue narrow water, little people and green porridge of gardens. The city turned under him, as if pinned down.

Things took a bad turn.

"A little more, and I will fall into the Park of Three Fat Men!" - the seller was horrified.

And the next minute he slowly, importantly and beautifully swam over the park, sinking lower and lower. The wind calmed down.

“Perhaps I’ll sit down on the ground now. They will seize me, first they will beat me thoroughly, and then they will put me in prison or, in order not to mess around, they will immediately cut off my head.

Nobody saw him. Only from one tree frightened birds jumped in all directions. A light airy shadow, similar to the shadow of a cloud, fell from a flying heap of multi-colored balls. Shining with iridescent cheerful colors, she glided along a gravel path, over a flower bed, over a statue of a boy sitting astride a goose, and over a guard who fell asleep on the clock. And from this with the face of a guardsman

Page 6 of 7

miraculous changes have taken place. Immediately his nose turned blue, like a dead man's, then green, like a conjurer's, and, finally, red, like a drunkard's. So, changing color, glass pieces are poured in a kaleidoscope.

The fateful moment was approaching: the flight was heading towards the open windows of the palace. The seller had no doubt that he would now fly into one of them, like a feather, foreshadowing a letter.

And so it happened.

The seller flew in through the window. And the window turned out to be the window of the palace kitchen. It was a pastry shop.

Today, at the Palace of the Three Fat Men, a ceremonial breakfast was supposed to be held on the occasion of the successful suppression of yesterday's rebellion. After breakfast, the Three Fat Men, the entire State Council, retinue and guests of honor were going to go to the Court Square.

My friends, getting into the palace confectionery is a very tempting business. Fat men knew a lot about dishes. Moreover, the case was exceptional. Parade breakfast! Can you imagine what interesting work made today by palace cooks and confectioners.

Flying into the confectionery, the seller felt both horror and delight at the same time. So, probably, a wasp flying on a cake displayed on the window by a carefree hostess is horrified and delighted.

He flew for one minute, he did not have time to see anything properly. At first it seemed to him that he was in some amazing poultry house, where they were busy with singing and whistling, hissing and crackling, colorful precious birds southern countries. And the next moment he thought that this was not a poultry house, but a fruit stand full of tropical fruits, crushed, oozing, filled with own juice. A sweet, dizzying fragrance hit his nose; heat and stuffiness seized his throat.

Immediately everything was mixed up: an amazing poultry house, and a fruit shop.

The seller from all over sat down in something soft and warm. He did not release balls. He held the rope tightly. The balls stopped motionless above his head.

He closed his eyes and decided not to open them, not for anything in his life.

“Now I understand everything,” he thought, “this is not a poultry house or a fruit shop. This is a confectionery. And I'm sitting in a cake!

So it was.

He sat in the kingdom of chocolate, oranges, pomegranates, cream, candied fruit, powdered sugar and jam, and sat on the throne, like the ruler of a fragrant multi-colored kingdom. The cake was the throne.

He did not open his eyes. He expected an incredible scandal, a storm - and was ready for anything. But something happened that he never expected.

“The cake is dead,” the junior confectioner said sternly and sadly.

Then there was silence. Only bursting bubbles on the boiling chocolate.

- What will happen? whispered the seller of balloons, choking with fear and squeezing his eyelids painfully.

His heart skipped a beat like a penny in a piggy bank.

- Nonsense! – said the senior confectioner just as sternly. - The second course was eaten in the hall. Twenty minutes later, the cake should be served. colorful balls and the stupid mug of a flying villain will serve as a wonderful decoration for the front cake.

And having said this, the confectioner yelled:

- Come on, cream!

And indeed gave cream.

What was it!

Three confectioners and twenty cooks attacked the salesman with a zeal worthy of praise from the fattest of the Three Fat Men.

In one minute, he was surrounded on all sides. He sat with his eyes closed, he did not see anything, but the sight was monstrous. He was covered up completely. The head, a round mug like a teapot painted with daisies, stuck out. The rest was covered with white cream, which had a lovely pink hue. The salesman might have seemed anything, but he had lost his resemblance to himself, as he had lost his straw shoe.

The poet could now take him for a swan in snow-white plumage, the gardener for a marble statue, the laundress for a mountain of soapy foam, and the naughty for a snowman.

There were balls at the top. The decoration was out of the ordinary, but, however, all together made up a rather interesting picture.

“So,” said the chief confectioner in the tone of an artist admiring his own painting.

- Candied fruits!!

Candied fruits of all varieties, all types, all shapes appeared: bitter, vanilla, sour, triangular, stars, round, crescents, roses.

The cooks worked with might and main. Before the chief confectioner had time to clap his hands three times, the whole cake, the whole pile of cream, turned out to be studded with candied fruit.

“Done,” said the chief confectioner. “Now, perhaps, we need to put it in the oven to brown it a little.

"To the oven! - the seller was horrified. - What? Which oven? Me in the oven?!”

Just then one of the servants ran into the candy store.

- Cake! Cake! he shouted. - Immediately cake! Sweet things are waiting in the hall.

- Ready! - answered the chief confectioner.

“Well, thank God,” thought the seller. Now he opened his eyes a little.

Six servants in blue livery lifted the huge platter on which he was sitting. They carried him. Already moving away, he heard the cooks laughing at him.

They carried him up the wide stairs. A hall opened up. The salesman closed his eyes again for a second. The hall was noisy and fun. Many voices sounded, laughter thundered, applause clapped. By all indications, the ceremonial breakfast was a success.

The seller, or rather the cake, was brought and placed on the table.

Then the seller opened his eyes.

And then he saw the Three Fat Men.

They were so thick that the salesman opened his mouth.

“We must immediately close it,” he immediately realized, “in my position it is better not to show signs of life.”

But - alas! The mouth didn't close. This went on for two minutes. Then the surprise of the seller decreased. With an effort, he closed his mouth. But then the eyes immediately widened. With great difficulty, closing his mouth and eyes alternately, he finally overcame his surprise.

The fat men sat in the main seats, towering over the rest of the society.

They ate the most. One even started eating a napkin.

- You eat a napkin ...

– Really? This is what I got into...

He left the napkin and immediately started chewing on Fat Three's ear. By the way, it looked like a dumpling.

Everyone rolled with laughter.

"Let's stop joking," said the Second Fat Man, raising his fork. “Things are getting serious. They brought a cake.

There was a general revival.

"What will happen? - the seller suffered. - What will happen? They'll eat me!"

At this time, the clock struck two.

“The execution will begin in the Court Square in an hour,” said the First Fat Man.

- The first to be executed, of course, is the gunsmith Prospero? one of the honored guests asked.

“He will not be executed today,” replied the State Chancellor.

- How? How? Why?

We are keeping him alive for now. We want to know from him the plans of the rebels, the names of the main conspirators.

– Where is he now?

The whole society was very interested, they even forgot about the cake.

He is still in the iron cage. The cage is here in the palace, in the menagerie of Tutti's heir.

- Call him...

- Bring him here! the guests shouted.

"That's right," said the First Fat Man. “Let our guests look at this beast up close. I would suggest everyone go to the menagerie. But there is a roar, a squeak, a stench. This is much worse than the clink of glasses and the smell of fruit ...

- Of course! Of course! Don't go to the menagerie...

“Let them bring Prospero here. We will eat cake and look at this monster.

“Again cake! the salesman got scared. - I gave them this cake ...

Page 7 of 7

"Bring Prospero," said the First Fat Man.

The State Chancellor left. The servants, who were standing in the form of a corridor, parted and bowed. The corridor became twice lower.

The gluttons were silent.

"He's very scary," said the Second Fat Man. “He is the strongest of all. He stronger than a lion. Hate burned his eyes. There is no power to look into them.

“He has a terrible head,” said the secretary of the Council of State. - She's huge. It looks like a column capital. He has red hair. You might think that his head is on fire.

Now that the conversation turned to the armourer, Prospero, there was a change in the gluttons. They stopped eating, joking, making noise, picked up their stomachs, some even turned pale. Already many were dissatisfied with the fact that they wanted to see him.

The Three Fat Men became serious and seemed to have lost some weight.

All of a sudden everything went silent. There was complete silence. Each of the Fatties made such a movement as if he wanted to hide behind the other.

The gunsmith Prospero was brought into the hall.

The State Chancellor walked ahead. On the sides are the guards. They entered without taking off their black oilcloth hats, holding their sabers unsheathed. The chain rang. The gunsmith's hands were chained. They brought him to the table. He stopped a few paces from the Fatties.

Prospero the armorer stood with his head bowed. The prisoner was pale. Blood was caked on his forehead and temple, under his tangled red hair.

He lifted his head and looked at the Fatties. Everyone sitting nearby recoiled.

Why did you bring him? came the cry of one of the guests. He was the richest miller in the country. - I'm afraid of him!

And the miller fainted, with his nose straight into the jelly. Some guests rushed to the exits. There was no time for cake.

- What you want from me? the gunsmith asked.

The first Fat Man took heart.

“We wanted to see you,” he said. “Aren’t you interested in seeing those in whose hands you are?”

- I hate to see you.

We'll cut off your head soon. In this way we will help you not to see us.

- I'm not afraid. My head is one. The people have hundreds of thousands of heads. You don't cut them off.

– Today there is an execution on the Court Square. There the executioners will deal with your comrades.

Gluttons calmed down a bit. The miller came to his senses and even licked the kissel roses from his cheeks.

“Your brain is full of fat,” said Prospero. You can't see beyond your belly...

- Tell me please! - the Second Fat Man was offended. - What should we see?

“Ask your ministers. They know what is happening in the country.

The State Chancellor grunted vaguely. The ministers drummed their fingers on their cymbals.

“Ask them,” continued Prospero, “they will tell you…

He stopped. Everyone was worried.

- They will tell you that the peasants, from whom you take away the bread obtained by hard work, are rising against the landowners. They burn their palaces, they drive them from their land. Miners don't want to mine coal for you to own. Workers break cars so as not to work for your enrichment. The sailors are throwing your cargo into the sea. The soldiers refuse to serve you. Scientists, officials, judges, actors go over to the side of the people. All those who previously worked for you and received a penny for it while you grew fat, all the unfortunate, destitute, hungry, emaciated, orphans, cripples, beggars - all go to war against you, against the fat, the rich, who replaced the heart with a stone.

“It seems to me that he is talking too much,” the State Chancellor intervened.

“For fifteen years I have been teaching people to hate you and your government. Oh, how long have we been gathering strength! Now your final hour has come...

- Enough! squeaked the Third Fat Man.

“We need to put him back in the cage,” Second suggested.

And the first one said:

“You will stay in your cage until we catch the gymnast Tibul. We will execute you together. People will see your corpses. He will lose the desire to fight with us for a long time.

Prospero was silent. He lowered his head again.

The fat man continued:

You forgot who you want to fight. We, the Three Fat Men, are strong and powerful. Everything belongs to us. I, the First Fat Man, own all the bread that our land will give birth to, the Second Fat Man owns all the coal, and the Third bought up all the iron. We are the richest. The richest man in the country is a hundred times poorer than us. With our gold we can buy whatever we want.

Here the gluttons went berserk. The Fat Man's words gave them courage.

- Into his cage! In a cell! they started screaming.

- To the menagerie!

- Into the cage!

- Rebel!

- Into the cage!

Prospero was taken away.

"Now let's eat cake," said the First Fat Man.

"End!" - decided the seller.

All eyes turned to him. He closed his eyes. Gluttons had fun.

– Ho-ho-ho!

– Ha-ha-ha! What a wonderful cake! Look at the balls!

- They are delightful.

- Look at this face!

- She's wonderful.

Everyone moved towards the cake.

What's inside this funny stuffed animal? - Someone asked and painfully clicked the seller on the forehead.

- It must be candy.

Or champagne...

- Very interesting! Very interesting!

“Let’s cut that head off first and see what happens…”

The seller could not stand it, he said very clearly: "Ay!" – and opened his eyes.

The curious shrank back. And at that moment a loud child's cry was heard in the gallery:

- Doll! My doll!

Everyone listened. The Three Fat Men and the State Chancellor were especially excited.

The scream turned into crying. In the gallery, an offended boy was crying loudly.

- What? asked the First Fat Man. - It's heir Tutti crying!

All three went pale. They were very scared.

The State Chancellor, several ministers and servants rushed to the exit to the gallery.

- What? What? the room whispered.

The boy ran into the room. He pushed ministers and servants aside. He ran up to the Fatties, shaking his hair and flashing his patent leather shoes. Sobbing, he shouted out separate words that no one understood.

This boy will see me! - the seller got excited. - The damned cream that prevents me from breathing and moving at least a finger, of course, the boy will really like it. So that he does not cry, they will, of course, cut off a piece of cake along with my heel.

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Chapter I
DR. GASPAR ARNERY'S TROUBLE DAY

The time for wizards is over. In all likelihood, they never actually existed. All this is fiction and fairy tales for very young children. It's just that some magicians were able to deceive all sorts of onlookers so cleverly that these magicians were mistaken for sorcerers and wizards.

There was such a doctor. His name was Gaspar Arneri. A naive person, a fair reveller, a half-educated student could also take him for a magician. In fact, this doctor did such amazing things that they really looked like miracles. Of course, he had nothing to do with wizards and charlatans who fooled too gullible people.

Dr. Gaspard Arneri was a scientist. Perhaps he studied about a hundred sciences. In any case, there was no one in the country wiser and more learned than Gaspard Arnery.

Everyone knew about his learning: the miller, the soldiers, the ladies, and the ministers. And the schoolchildren sang a song about him with the following refrain:

How to fly from earth to the stars
How to catch a fox by the tail
How to make steam out of stone
Our doctor Gaspar knows.

One summer, in June, when the weather was very fine, Dr. Gaspard Arneri decided to go on a long walk to collect some kinds of herbs and beetles.

Dr. Gaspard was a middle-aged man and therefore was afraid of rain and wind. When he left the house, he wrapped a thick scarf around his neck, put on goggles against dust, took a cane so as not to stumble, and generally went for a walk with great precautions.

This time the day was wonderful; the sun did nothing but shine; the grass was so green that there was even a sensation of sweetness in the mouth; dandelions flew, birds whistled, a light breeze fluttered like an airy ball gown.

“That’s good,” said the doctor, “but you still need to take a raincoat, because the summer weather is deceptive. It can start raining.

The doctor took care of the housework, blew on his glasses, grabbed his box, like a suitcase, from green skin and went.

The most interesting places were outside the city - where the Palace was Three Fat Men. The doctor visited these places most often. The Palace of the Three Fat Men stood in the middle of a huge park. The park was surrounded by deep canals. Black iron bridges hung over the canals. The bridges were guarded by the palace guards - guardsmen in black oilcloth hats with yellow feathers. Around the park to the very heavenly line were meadows covered with flowers, groves and ponds. This was a great place to walk. Here grew the most interesting species of grass, here the most beautiful beetles rang and the most skillful birds sang.

“But walking is a long way. I will go to the city rampart and find a cab. He will take me to the palace park, thought the doctor.

There were more people near the city rampart than usual.

“Is today Sunday? the doctor doubted. - I don't think. Today is Tuesday".

The doctor stepped closer.

The whole area was crowded with people. The doctor saw craftsmen in gray cloth jackets with green cuffs; sailors with faces the color of clay; wealthy townspeople in colored waistcoats, with their wives whose skirts looked like rose bushes; merchants with decanters, trays, ice cream makers and braziers; skinny street actors, green, yellow and motley, as if sewn from a patchwork quilt; very small guys pulling red funny dogs by the tails.

Everyone crowded in front of the city gates. Huge, as high as a house, iron gates were tightly closed.

"Why are the gates closed?" the doctor wondered.

The crowd was noisy, everyone was talking loudly, shouting, cursing, but it was really impossible to make out anything. The doctor approached a young woman holding a fat gray cat in her arms and asked:

– Could you please explain what is going on here? Why are there so many people, what is the reason for their excitement and why are the city gates closed?

“Guards don’t let people out of the city…

Why aren't they released?

- So that they do not help those who have already left the city and went to the Palace of the Three Fat Men.

“I don’t understand anything, citizen, and I ask you to forgive me…”

“Ah, don’t you know that today the gunsmith Prospero and the gymnast Tibul led the people to storm the Palace of the Three Fat Men?”

“Prospero the gunsmith?”

- Yes, citizen ... The rampart is high, and on the other side guards riflemen sat down. No one will leave the city, and those who went with the gunsmith Prospero will be killed by the palace guards.

Indeed, several very distant shots rang out.

The woman dropped the fat cat. The cat plopped down like raw dough. The crowd roared.

“So I missed such a significant event,” thought the doctor. “It’s true, I didn’t leave the room for a whole month. I worked in lockdown. I didn't know anything..."

At this time, even further, the cannon hit several times. Thunder bounced like a ball and rolled in the wind. Not only the doctor was frightened and hurriedly retreated a few steps - the whole crowd shied away and fell apart. The children cried; the pigeons flew away with a flurry of wings; the dogs sat down and howled.

Heavy cannon fire began. The noise rose unimaginable. The crowd pressed on the gate and shouted:

- Prospero! Prospero!

- Down with the Three Fat Men!

Dr. Gaspar was completely taken aback. He was recognized in the crowd because many knew him by sight. Some rushed to him, as if seeking protection from him. But the doctor almost cried himself.

“What is going on there? How would you know what is going on there, behind the gate? Maybe the people are winning, or maybe everyone has already been shot!”

Yuri Olesha

three fat men

PART ONE

ROPE WALKER TIBUL

DR. GASPAR ARNERY'S TROUBLE DAY

The time for wizards is over. In all likelihood, they never actually existed. All these are fiction and fairy tales for very young children. It's just that some magicians were able to deceive all sorts of onlookers so cleverly that these magicians were mistaken for sorcerers and wizards.

There was such a doctor. His name was Gaspar Arneri. A naive person, a fair reveller, a half-educated student could also take him for a magician. In fact, this doctor did such amazing things that they really looked like miracles. Of course, he had nothing to do with wizards and charlatans who fooled too gullible people.

Dr. Gaspard Arneri was a scientist. Perhaps he studied about a hundred sciences. In any case, there was no one in the country wiser and more learned than Gaspard Arnery.

Everyone knew about his learning: the miller, the soldiers, the ladies, and the ministers. And the schoolchildren sang a song about him with the following refrain:

How to fly from the earth to the stars, How to catch a fox by the tail, How to make steam from a stone, Our doctor Gaspar knows.

One summer, in June, when the weather was very fine, Dr. Gaspard Arneri decided to go on a long walk to collect some kinds of herbs and beetles.

Dr. Gaspard was a middle-aged man and therefore was afraid of rain and wind. When he left the house, he wrapped a thick scarf around his neck, put on goggles against dust, took a cane so as not to stumble, and generally went for a walk with great precautions.

This time the day was wonderful; the sun did nothing but shine; the grass was so green that there was even a sensation of sweetness in the mouth; dandelions flew, birds whistled, a light breeze fluttered like an airy ball gown.

“That’s good,” said the doctor, “but you still need to take a raincoat, because the summer weather is deceptive. It can start raining.

The doctor ordered about the housework, blew on his glasses, grabbed his box, like a suitcase, made of green leather and went.

The most interesting places were outside the city - where the Palace of the Three Fat Men was located. The doctor visited these places most often. The Palace of the Three Fat Men stood in the middle of a huge park. The park was surrounded by deep canals. Black iron bridges hung over the canals. The bridges were guarded by the palace guards - guardsmen in black oilcloth hats with yellow feathers. Around the park to the very heavenly line were meadows covered with flowers, groves and ponds. This was a great place to walk. Here grew the most interesting species of grass, here the most beautiful beetles rang and the most skillful birds sang.

“But walking is a long way. I will go to the city rampart and find a cab. He will take me to the palace park, thought the doctor.

There were more people near the city rampart than ever.

“Is today Sunday? the doctor doubted. - I don't think. Today is Tuesday".

The doctor stepped closer.

The whole area was crowded with people. The doctor saw craftsmen in gray cloth jackets with green cuffs; sailors with faces the color of clay; wealthy townspeople in colored waistcoats, with their wives whose skirts looked like rose bushes; merchants with decanters, trays, ice cream makers and braziers; skinny street actors, green, yellow and motley, as if sewn from a patchwork quilt; very small guys pulling red funny dogs by the tails.

Everyone crowded in front of the city gates. Huge, as high as a house, iron gates were tightly closed.

"Why are the gates closed?" the doctor wondered.

The crowd was noisy, everyone was talking loudly, shouting, cursing, but it was really impossible to make out anything. The doctor approached a young woman holding a fat gray cat in her arms and asked:

– Could you please explain what is going on here? Why are there so many people, what is the reason for their excitement and why are the city gates closed?

“Guards don’t let people out of the city…

Why aren't they released?

- So that they do not help those who have already left the city and went to the Palace of the Three Fat Men.

“I don’t understand anything, citizen, and I ask you to forgive me…”

“Ah, don’t you know that today the gunsmith Prospero and the gymnast Tibul led the people to storm the Palace of the Three Fat Men?”

“Prospero the gunsmith?”

- Yes, citizen ... The rampart is high, and on the other side guards riflemen sat down. No one will leave the city, and those who went with the gunsmith Prospero will be killed by the palace guards.

Indeed, several very distant shots rang out.

The woman dropped the fat cat. The cat plopped down like raw dough. The crowd roared.

“So I missed such a significant event,” thought the doctor. - True, I did not leave the room for a whole month. I worked in lockdown. I didn't know anything..."

At this time, even further, the cannon hit several times. Thunder bounced like a ball and rolled in the wind. Not only the doctor was frightened and hurriedly retreated a few steps - the whole crowd shied away and fell apart. The children cried; the pigeons flew away with a flurry of wings; the dogs sat down and howled.

Heavy cannon fire began. The noise rose unimaginable. The crowd pressed on the gate and shouted:

- Prospero! Prospero!

- Down with the Three Fat Men!

Dr. Gaspar was completely taken aback. He was recognized in the crowd because many knew him by sight. Some rushed to him, as if seeking protection from him. But the doctor almost cried himself.

“What is going on there? How would you know what is going on there, behind the gate? Maybe the people are winning, or maybe everyone has already been shot!”

Yuri Olesha
three fat men
PART ONE
ROPE WALKER TIBUL
Chapter 1
DR. GASPAR ARNERY'S TROUBLE DAY
The time for wizards is over. In all likelihood, they never actually existed. All these are fiction and fairy tales for very young children. It's just that some magicians were able to deceive all sorts of onlookers so cleverly that these magicians were mistaken for sorcerers and wizards.
There was such a doctor. His name was Gaspar Arneri. A naive person, a fair reveller, a half-educated student could also take him for a magician. In fact, this doctor did such amazing things that they really looked like miracles. Of course, he had nothing to do with wizards and charlatans who fooled too gullible people.
Dr. Gaspard Arneri was a scientist. Perhaps he studied about a hundred sciences. In any case, there was no one in the country wiser and more learned than Gaspard Arnery.
Everyone knew about his learning: the miller, the soldiers, the ladies, and the ministers. And the schoolchildren sang a song about him with the following refrain:
How to fly from earth to the stars
How to catch a fox by the tail
How to make steam out of stone
Our doctor Gaspar knows.
One summer, in June, when the weather was very fine, Dr. Gaspard Arneri decided to go on a long walk to collect some kinds of herbs and beetles.
Dr. Gaspard was a middle-aged man and therefore was afraid of rain and wind. When he left the house, he wrapped a thick scarf around his neck, put on goggles against dust, took a cane so as not to stumble, and generally went for a walk with great precautions.
This time the day was wonderful; the sun did nothing but shine; the grass was so green that there was even a sensation of sweetness in the mouth; dandelions flew, birds whistled, a light breeze fluttered like an airy ball gown.
“That’s good,” said the doctor, “but you still need to take a raincoat, because the summer weather is deceptive. It can start raining.
The doctor ordered about the housework, blew on his glasses, grabbed his box, like a suitcase, made of green leather and went.
The most interesting places were outside the city - where the Palace of the Three Fat Men was located. The doctor visited these places most often. The Palace of the Three Fat Men stood in the middle of a huge park. The park was surrounded by deep canals. Black iron bridges hung over the canals. The bridges were guarded by the palace guards - guardsmen in black oilcloth hats with yellow feathers. Around the park to the very heavenly line were meadows covered with flowers, groves and ponds. This was a great place to walk. Here grew the most interesting species of grass, here the most beautiful beetles rang and the most skillful birds sang.
“But walking is a long way. I will go to the city rampart and find a cab. He will take me to the palace park, thought the doctor.
There were more people near the city rampart than ever.
“Is today Sunday? the doctor doubted. - I don't think. Today is Tuesday".
The doctor stepped closer.
The whole area was crowded with people. The doctor saw craftsmen in gray cloth jackets with green cuffs; sailors with faces the color of clay; wealthy townspeople in colored waistcoats, with their wives whose skirts looked like rose bushes; merchants with decanters, trays, ice cream makers and braziers; skinny street actors, green, yellow and motley, as if sewn from a patchwork quilt; very small guys pulling red funny dogs by the tails.
Everyone crowded in front of the city gates. Huge, as high as a house, iron gates were tightly closed.
"Why are the gates closed?" the doctor wondered.
The crowd was noisy, everyone was talking loudly, shouting, cursing, but it was really impossible to make out anything. The doctor approached a young woman holding a fat gray cat in her arms and asked:
– Could you please explain what is going on here? Why are there so many people, what is the reason for their excitement and why are the city gates closed?
– Guardsmen do not let people out of the city...
Why aren't they released?
- So that they do not help those who have already left the city and went to the Palace of the Three Fat Men.
“I don’t understand anything, citizen, and I ask you to forgive me…”
“Ah, don’t you know that today the gunsmith Prospero and the gymnast Tibul led the people to storm the Palace of the Three Fat Men?”
“Prospero the gunsmith?”
- Yes, citizen ... The rampart is high, and on the other side guardsmen sat down. No one will leave the city, and those who went with the gunsmith Prospero will be killed by the palace guards.
Indeed, several very distant shots rang out.
The woman dropped the fat cat. The cat plopped down like raw dough. The crowd roared.
“So I missed such a significant event,” thought the doctor. “It’s true, I didn’t leave the room for a whole month. I worked in lockdown. I didn't know anything..."
At this time, even further, the cannon hit several times. Thunder bounced like a ball and rolled in the wind. Not only the doctor was frightened and hurriedly retreated a few steps - the whole crowd shied away and fell apart. The children cried; the pigeons flew away with a flurry of wings; the dogs sat down and howled.
Heavy cannon fire began. The noise rose unimaginable. The crowd pressed on the gate and shouted:
- Prospero! Prospero!
- Down with the Three Fat Men!
Dr. Gaspar was completely taken aback. He was recognized in the crowd because many knew him by sight. Some rushed to him, as if seeking protection from him. But the doctor almost cried himself.
“What is going on there? How would you know what is going on there, behind the gate? Maybe the people are winning, or maybe everyone has already been shot!”
Then about ten people ran in the direction where three narrow streets began from the square. On the corner was a house with a tall old tower. Together with the rest, the doctor decided to climb the tower. Downstairs was a laundry room, similar to a bathhouse. It was as dark as a basement there. A spiral staircase led up. Light penetrated through the narrow windows, but there was very little of it, and everyone climbed slowly, with great difficulty, especially since the staircase was dilapidated and with broken railings. It is easy to imagine how much work and excitement it cost Dr. Gaspard to climb to the top floor. In any case, even on the twentieth step, in the darkness, his cry was heard:
“Ah, my heart is bursting, and I have lost my heel!”
The doctor lost his cloak even on the square, after the tenth shot from the cannon.
At the top of the tower was a platform surrounded by stone railings. From here, there was a view of at least fifty kilometers around. There was no time to admire the view, although the view deserved it. Everyone looked in the direction where the battle was taking place.
- I have binoculars. I always carry 8-glass binoculars with me. Here it is, - said the doctor and unfastened the strap.
Binoculars passed from hand to hand.
Dr. Gaspar saw a lot of people in the green space. They ran towards the city. They ran away. From a distance, people looked like colorful flags. Guardsmen on horseback chased the people.
Dr. Gaspar thought it all looked like a picture of a magic lantern. The sun shone brightly, the greenery shone. The bombs exploded like pieces of cotton; the flame appeared for one second, as if someone was letting sunbeams into the crowd. The horses prancing, rearing up and spinning like a top. The park and the Palace of the Three Fat Men were shrouded in white transparent smoke.
- They run!
– They are running... The people are defeated!
The fleeing people were approaching the city. Entire heaps of people fell along the road. It seemed that multi-colored shreds were pouring onto the greenery.
The bomb whistled over the square.
Someone, frightened, dropped the binoculars.
The bomb exploded, and everyone who was at the top of the tower rushed back, down, inside the tower.
The locksmith caught on a hook with a leather apron. He looked around, saw something terrible and yelled at the whole square:
- Run! They've got the gunsmith Prospero! They're about to enter the city!
A commotion began on the square.
The crowd backed away from the gate and ran from the square to the streets. Everyone went deaf from the gunfire.
Dr. Gaspard and two others stopped on the third floor of the tower. They looked out of a narrow window punched into the thick wall.
Only one could look right. The rest watched with one eye.
The doctor also looked with one eye. But even for one eye, the sight was scary enough.
The huge iron gates swung open to their full width. About three hundred people flew into this gate at once. They were craftsmen in gray cloth jackets with green cuffs. They fell, covered in blood.
Guardsmen jumped over their heads. The guards cut with sabers and fired from guns. Yellow feathers fluttered, black oilcloth hats sparkled, horses opened their red mouths, twisted their eyes and scattered foam.
– Look! Look! Prospero! the doctor shouted.
The gunsmith Prospero was dragged in a noose. He walked, fell and got up again. He had matted red hair, a bloody face, and a thick noose around his neck.
- Prospero! He's been captured! the doctor shouted.
At this time, a bomb flew into the laundry room. The tower tilted, swayed, lingered in an oblique position for one second and collapsed.
The doctor went head over heels, losing his second heel, cane, suitcase and glasses.
Chapter 2
TEN PLACH
The doctor fell happily: he did not break his head and his legs remained intact. However, that doesn't mean anything. Even a happy fall along with a shot tower is not entirely pleasant, especially for a person who is not young, but rather old, such as Dr. Gaspard Arnery was. In any case, from one fright, the doctor lost consciousness.
When he came to, it was already evening. The Doctor looked around.
- What a shame! The glasses are broken, of course. When I look without glasses, I probably see as a non-short-sighted person sees if he wears glasses. This is very unpleasant.
Then he grumbled about the broken heels:
- I'm already small in stature, and now I'll be an inch shorter. Or maybe two inches, because two heels broke off? No, of course, only one vershok ...
He lay on a pile of rubble. Almost the entire tower collapsed. A long and narrow piece of wall stuck out like a bone. The music played far away. The cheerful waltz flew away with the wind - disappeared and did not return. The doctor raised his head. Black broken rafters hung from different sides above. Stars shone in the greenish evening sky.
- Where is it played? the doctor was surprised.
It was cold without a coat. Not a single voice was heard in the square. The Doctor, groaning, got up among the stones that had fallen on top of each other. On the way, he caught on someone's big boot. The locksmith lay stretched out across the beam and looked up at the sky. The doctor moved him. The locksmith didn't want to get up. He died.
The Doctor raised his hand to take off his hat.
I also lost my hat. Where am I to go?
He left the square. There were people on the road; the doctor bent low over each and saw the stars reflected in their wide eyes. He touched their foreheads with his hand. They were very cold and wet with blood that seemed black at night.
- Here! Here! whispered the doctor. - So, the people are defeated ... What will happen now?
Half an hour later he reached crowded places. He is very tired. He wanted to eat and drink. Here the city had its usual appearance.
The doctor stood at the crossroads, resting from a long walk, and thought: “How strange! Multi-colored lights are burning, carriages are rushing, glass doors are ringing. Semi-circular windows shine with a golden glow. There, along the columns, couples flicker. There's a fun ball. Chinese colored lanterns circle above black water. People live the way they lived yesterday. Don't they know about what happened this morning? Didn't they hear gunshots and groans? Do they not know that the leader of the people, the armorer Prospero, has been taken prisoner? Maybe nothing happened? Maybe I had a terrible dream?
At the corner where the three-armed lantern burned, carriages stood along the pavement. The flower girls were selling roses. The coachmen were talking to the flower girls.
“He was dragged in a noose through the city. Poor thing!
“Now they put him in an iron cage. The cage is in the Palace of the Three Fat Men,” said a fat coachman in a blue top hat with a bow.
Then a lady with a girl came up to the flower girls to buy roses.
- Who was put in a cage? she asked.
- Armourer Prospero. The guards took him prisoner.
- Well, thank God! said the lady.
The girl whimpered.
“Why are you crying, stupid? the lady was surprised. “Do you feel sorry for the gunsmith Prospero?” You don't have to feel sorry for him. He wanted to hurt us... Look at the beautiful roses...
Large roses, like swans, floated slowly in bowls full of bitter water and leaves.
Here are three roses for you. And there is no need to cry. They are rebels. If they are not put in iron cages, they will take our houses, dresses and our roses, and cut us.
At that moment, a boy ran past. He pulled first the lady by her cloak, embroidered with stars, and then the girl by her pigtail.
“Nothing, Countess! the boy shouted. - The gunsmith Prospero is in a cage, and the gymnast Tibul is free!
- Ah, slut!
The lady stamped her foot and dropped her purse. The flower girls began to laugh out loud. The fat coachman took advantage of the commotion and invited the lady to get into the carriage and go.
The lady and the girl drove off.
- Wait, jumper! the flower girl called to the boy. - Come here! Tell me what you know...
Two coachmen got off the goat and, tangled in their bonnets with five capes, went up to the flower girls.
“Here is the whip, so the whip! Whip!" thought the boy, looking at the long whip that the coachman was waving. The boy really wanted to have such a whip, but it was impossible for many reasons.
- So what are you saying? the coachman asked in a bass voice. - Gymnast Tibul is free?
- So they say. I was in port...
"Didn't the guards kill him?" asked the other coachman, also in a bass voice.
- No, dad ... Beauty, give me one rose!
- Wait, fool! You better tell...
- Yes. So, that's it... At first everyone thought that he had been killed. Then they searched for him among the dead and did not find him.
“Perhaps they threw him into a canal?” asked the coachman.
A beggar intervened in the conversation.
- Whom in the channel? - he asked. – Gymnast Tibul is not a kitten. You won't drown him! Gymnast Tibul is alive. He managed to escape!
- You're lying, camel! said the coachman.
– Gymnast Tibul is alive! cried the flower girls in delight.
The boy pulled off the rose and started to run. Drops from the wet flower fell on the doctor. The doctor wiped the drops from his face, bitter as tears, and stepped closer to listen to what the beggar had to say.
There was something that got in the way of the conversation. An extraordinary procession appeared on the street. In front rode two riders with torches. Torches fluttered like fiery beards. Then a black carriage with a coat of arms moved slowly.
The carpenters followed behind. There were a hundred of them.
They walked with their sleeves rolled up, ready to go, with aprons, saws, planers, and boxes under their arms. Guardsmen rode on both sides of the procession. They held back the horses that wanted to gallop.
- What is it? What's this? Passers-by got excited.
An official was sitting in a black carriage with a coat of arms Council of Three Tolstyakov. The flower girls were scared. Raising their palms to their cheeks, they looked at his head. She was visible through the glass door. The street was brightly lit. The black head in the wig swayed as if dead. It seemed that a bird was sitting in the carriage.

PART ONE
ROPE WALKER TIBUL
Chapter 1
DR. GASPAR ARNERY'S TROUBLE DAY
The time for wizards is over. In all likelihood, they never actually existed. All these are fiction and fairy tales for very young children. It's just that some magicians were able to deceive all sorts of onlookers so cleverly that these magicians were mistaken for sorcerers and wizards.
There was such a doctor. His name was Gaspar Arneri. A naive person, a fair reveller, a half-educated student could also take him for a magician. In fact, this doctor did such amazing things that they really looked like miracles. Of course, he had nothing to do with wizards and charlatans who fooled too gullible people.
Dr. Gaspard Arneri was a scientist. Perhaps he studied about a hundred sciences. In any case, there was no one in the country wiser and more learned than Gaspard Arnery.
Everyone knew about his learning: the miller, the soldiers, the ladies, and the ministers. And the schoolchildren sang a song about him with the following refrain:

How to fly from earth to the stars
How to catch a fox by the tail
How to make steam out of stone
Our doctor Gaspar knows.

One summer, in June, when the weather was very fine, Dr. Gaspard Arneri decided to go on a long walk to collect some kinds of herbs and beetles.
Dr. Gaspard was a middle-aged man and therefore was afraid of rain and wind. When he left the house, he wrapped a thick scarf around his neck, put on goggles against dust, took a cane so as not to stumble, and generally went for a walk with great precautions.
This time the day was wonderful; the sun did nothing but shine; the grass was so green that there was even a sensation of sweetness in the mouth; dandelions flew, birds whistled, a light breeze fluttered like an airy ball gown.
“That’s good,” said the doctor, “but you still need to take a raincoat, because the summer weather is deceptive. It can start raining.
The doctor ordered about the housework, blew on his glasses, grabbed his box, like a suitcase, made of green leather and went.
The most interesting places were outside the city - where the Palace of the Three Fat Men was located. The doctor visited these places most often. The Palace of the Three Fat Men stood in the middle of a huge park. The park was surrounded by deep canals. Black iron bridges hung over the canals. The bridges were guarded by the palace guards - guardsmen in black oilcloth hats with yellow feathers. Around the park to the very heavenly line were meadows covered with flowers, groves and ponds. This was a great place to walk. Here grew the most interesting species of grass, here the most beautiful beetles rang and the most skillful birds sang.
“But walking is a long way. I will go to the city rampart and find a cab. He will take me to the palace park, thought the doctor.
There were more people near the city rampart than ever.
“Is today Sunday? the doctor doubted. - I don't think. Today is Tuesday".
The doctor stepped closer.
The whole area was crowded with people. The doctor saw craftsmen in gray cloth jackets with green cuffs; sailors with faces the color of clay; wealthy townspeople in colored waistcoats, with their wives whose skirts looked like rose bushes; merchants with decanters, trays, ice cream makers and braziers; skinny street actors, green, yellow and motley, as if sewn from a patchwork quilt; very small guys pulling red funny dogs by the tails.
Everyone crowded in front of the city gates. Huge, as high as a house, iron gates were tightly closed.
"Why are the gates closed?" the doctor wondered.
The crowd was noisy, everyone was talking loudly, shouting, cursing, but it was really impossible to make out anything. The doctor approached a young woman holding a fat gray cat in her arms and asked:
– Could you please explain what is going on here? Why are there so many people, what is the reason for their excitement and why are the city gates closed?
– Guardsmen do not let people out of the city...
Why aren't they released?
- So that they do not help those who have already left the city and went to the Palace of the Three Fat Men.
“I don’t understand anything, citizen, and I ask you to forgive me…”
“Ah, don’t you know that today the gunsmith Prospero and the gymnast Tibul led the people to storm the Palace of the Three Fat Men?”
“Prospero the gunsmith?”
- Yes, citizen ... The rampart is high, and on the other side guardsmen sat down. No one will leave the city, and those who went with the gunsmith Prospero will be killed by the palace guards.
Indeed, several very distant shots rang out.
The woman dropped the fat cat. The cat plopped down like raw dough. The crowd roared.
“So I missed such a significant event,” thought the doctor. “It’s true, I didn’t leave the room for a whole month. I worked in lockdown. I didn't know anything..."
At this time, even further, the cannon hit several times. Thunder bounced like a ball and rolled in the wind. Not only the doctor was frightened and hurriedly retreated a few steps - the whole crowd shied away and fell apart. The children cried; the pigeons flew away with a flurry of wings; the dogs sat down and howled.
Heavy cannon fire began. The noise rose unimaginable. The crowd pressed on the gate and shouted:
- Prospero! Prospero!
- Down with the Three Fat Men!
Dr. Gaspar was completely taken aback. He was recognized in the crowd because many knew him by sight. Some rushed to him, as if seeking protection from him. But the doctor almost cried himself.
“What is going on there? How would you know what is going on there, behind the gate? Maybe the people are winning, or maybe everyone has already been shot!”
Then about ten people ran in the direction where three narrow streets began from the square. On the corner was a house with a tall old tower. Together with the rest, the doctor decided to climb the tower. Downstairs was a laundry room, similar to a bathhouse. It was as dark as a basement there. A spiral staircase led up. Light penetrated through the narrow windows, but there was very little of it, and everyone climbed slowly, with great difficulty, especially since the staircase was dilapidated and with broken railings. It is easy to imagine how much work and excitement it cost Dr. Gaspard to climb to the top floor. In any case, even on the twentieth step, in the darkness, his cry was heard:
“Ah, my heart is bursting, and I have lost my heel!”
The doctor lost his cloak even on the square, after the tenth shot from the cannon.
At the top of the tower was a platform surrounded by stone railings. From here, there was a view of at least fifty kilometers around. There was no time to admire the view, although the view deserved it. Everyone looked in the direction where the battle was taking place.
- I have binoculars. I always carry 8-glass binoculars with me. Here it is, - said the doctor and unfastened the strap.
Binoculars passed from hand to hand.
Dr. Gaspar saw a lot of people in the green space. They ran towards the city. They ran away. From a distance, people looked like colorful flags. Guardsmen on horseback chased the people.
Dr. Gaspar thought it all looked like a picture of a magic lantern. The sun shone brightly, the greenery shone. The bombs exploded like pieces of cotton; the flame appeared for one second, as if someone was letting sunbeams into the crowd. The horses prancing, rearing up and spinning like a top. The park and the Palace of the Three Fat Men were shrouded in white transparent smoke.
- They run!
– They are running... The people are defeated!
The fleeing people were approaching the city. Entire heaps of people fell along the road. It seemed that multi-colored shreds were pouring onto the greenery.
The bomb whistled over the square.
Someone, frightened, dropped the binoculars.
The bomb exploded, and everyone who was at the top of the tower rushed back, down, inside the tower.
The locksmith caught on a hook with a leather apron. He looked around, saw something terrible and yelled at the whole square:
- Run! They've got the gunsmith Prospero! They're about to enter the city!
A commotion began on the square.
The crowd backed away from the gate and ran from the square to the streets. Everyone went deaf from the gunfire.
Dr. Gaspard and two others stopped on the third floor of the tower. They looked out of a narrow window punched into the thick wall.
Only one could look right. The rest watched with one eye.
The doctor also looked with one eye. But even for one eye, the sight was scary enough.
The huge iron gates swung open to their full width. About three hundred people flew into this gate at once. They were craftsmen in gray cloth jackets with green cuffs. They fell, covered in blood.
Guardsmen jumped over their heads. The guards cut with sabers and fired from guns. Yellow feathers fluttered, black oilcloth hats sparkled, horses opened their red mouths, twisted their eyes and scattered foam.
– Look! Look! Prospero! the doctor shouted.
The gunsmith Prospero was dragged in a noose. He walked, fell and got up again. He had matted red hair, a bloody face, and a thick noose around his neck.
- Prospero! He's been captured! the doctor shouted.
At this time, a bomb flew into the laundry room. The tower tilted, swayed, lingered in an oblique position for one second and collapsed.
The doctor went head over heels, losing his second heel, cane, suitcase and glasses.

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