The ability to negotiate is useful not only for those who occupy leadership positions. A well-structured conversation can help in various areas. But the main thing in this art is not the words that you will say, but how you will behave. In this article, 12 tips on how to conduct a conversation in order to win over the interlocutor immediately.

Step 1: Relax

Tension breeds irritability, and irritability is the main enemy of a productive conversation. Research proves that just one minute of relaxation increases brain activity, which is very important for conversation and quick decision making.

Before starting a conversation, do the following:

2. Breathe slowly for 1.5 minutes: inhale for 5 counts, exhale for 5 counts.

3. Now yawn a couple of times and notice if you are relaxed? Rate your degree of relaxation on a 10-point scale. Record the result.

4. Now you need to stretch the muscles of the body. Start with the face: wrinkle and tense all the muscles of the face, and then straighten and relax them. Gently tilt your head from side to side and back and forth. Roll your shoulders. Tighten your arms and legs, count to 10, relax and shake them.

5. Take a few deep breaths. Has your condition improved?

Step 2: Focus on the present moment

When you relax, you focus on current moment You don't pay attention to what's going on around you. The same should be done during the conversation. Turn on your intuition and you will be able to hear all the shades of the speaker's speech, which will convey the emotional meaning of his words, and you will be able to understand at what point the conversation will turn off the path you need.

Step 3. Be quiet more often

Being silent will help you pay more attention to what other people are saying. To develop this skill, try the Bell exercise. On the website, click on the link " Strike the bell"And listen carefully to the sound until it subsides. Do this several times. This will help you learn to focus and be silent when you are listening to someone.

Step 4: Be Positive

Listen to your mood. Are you tired or alert, calm or anxious? Ask yourself: Am I optimistic about this conversation? If you have doubts or worries, it is better to postpone the conversation. If this is not possible, then mentally start it, rehearse, this will help you find words and arguments that will help you achieve your goal.

Step 5: Think about the other person's intentions

For a conversation to be honest and balanced, everyone needs to be open to it and be clear about their values, intentions, and goals. If your intentions don't match those of the person you're trying to do business with, problems are inevitable. Try to find out in advance what your interlocutor would like to receive from the transaction. But be careful, your interlocutor can carefully hide his goals and say what you want to hear.

Step 6. Before the conversation, think of something pleasant.

You need to conduct a conversation with an expression of kindness, understanding and interest on your face. But if you don't really feel like that, fake emotions will look terrible. There is a little secret: before talking, think about something pleasant, remember the people you love and respect. These thoughts will give your look softness, cause a slight half-smile, and such a facial expression will subconsciously cause a sense of trust in you from your interlocutor.

Step 7: Pay attention to non-verbal cues

Always look at the person you are talking to. Stay focused and try not to get distracted by extraneous thoughts. If the interlocutor does not finish something or wants to deceive you, he, of course, will carefully hide it, but for a fraction of a second he can forget himself and give himself away by facial expression or gesture. Of course, you can only find out that he is deceiving you, but, unfortunately, you will not be able to find out the reason for the deception.

Step 8: Be a nice conversationalist

Start the conversation with a compliment that sets her in a friendly tone, and end with a compliment that expresses your gratitude to the interlocutor for the conversation. Of course, compliments should not sound like flattery. So ask yourself the question: what do I really appreciate in this person?

Step 9. Add Warmth to Your Voice

Try to speak in a lower voice. The interlocutor will respond to such a voice with great confidence. When we are angry, when we are excited or frightened, our voice involuntarily sounds higher and sharper, its volume and pace of speech constantly change. Therefore, a low voice will signal to the interlocutor about your calmness and the confidence of the leader.

Step 10 Speak Slower

Slowing down a little helps people understand you better without straining to catch every word, it makes them respect you. It is not easy to learn to speak slowly, because from the very childhood, many of us chatter. But you have to try, because slow speech calms the interlocutor, while fast speech causes irritation.

Step 11. Brevity is the sister of talent

Break your speech into sections of 30 seconds or even less. No need to build incredible offers. Our brain is able to absorb information well only in micro-portions. Say one or two sentences, and then pause, make sure the person understands you. If he is silent and does not ask questions, you can continue, one or two more sentences and a pause.

Step 12: Listen carefully

Focus your attention on the interlocutor, everything is important for you: his words, their emotional coloring, his gestures and facial expressions. When he pauses, respond to what he said. Remember to listen to your intuition as you speak.

And the last tip: which strengthens nervous system and helps to relax, this practice will come in handy during boring conversations.

In order for the work to be productive, it is worth learning simple tricks. With the help of psychological tactics, you can win over people and enlist their support at the right time.

Techniques based on psychology have been tested not only by time, but also by many thousands of people. These techniques help to gain respect, mitigate conflict situations, and turn a controversial case or task in your favor.

Psychological methods of location

1. When going to an interview, remember that information is best perceived by a person at the beginning and at the end of the day, so try to be the first or last candidate on the list. When talking with a future employer, look into his eyes, but not with a challenge, but in a friendly way, looking at the bridge of your nose. So you show your interest and disposition for a detailed conversation.

2. AT conflict situations with superiors, when you feel aggressive, try to sit as close to them as possible. This will avoid a flurry of negative emotions and reduce an unpleasant conversation to a minimum. Proximity is dumbfounding, and the fuse to “quarrel” quickly fades away. Turn your whole body towards your opponent, and point the toes of your shoes in his direction. Thus, you will show your maximum location, and participation in the conversation.

3. In a difficult conversation, when you want to find out the truth, and a colleague is in no hurry to give details, pause. At the same time, keep looking into the eyes of the interlocutor. This so-called psychological pressure, an artificially created awkward moment, will force him to feel uncomfortable, and fill the pause.

4. Another effective psychological technique is an artificially created desire to trust and care. Ask for small, feasible favors from a person from whom you want to achieve sympathy and disposition towards yourself. Instinctively, on the subconscious, he will have sympathy for you. After all, we appreciate those who have been taken care of at least once.

5. It is quite simple to arrange an interlocutor. It is important to remember his name when you first meet. This technique will give the opponent confidence that you singled him out. Use the mirroring method when communicating - repeat some body movements of the interlocutor, for example, straighten your hair as well, or touch your ear, just do not go too far. This method of trusting relationships works flawlessly, and disposes people to frank conversations.

6. In an awkward situation where you have to get through a crowd of people, don't waste time yelling at everyone. Look into the gaps formed between people. This technique will force them to part in front of you without further explanation.

7. You can win over a person you like with the help of strong emotions or shocks. Find out what the object of your adoration prefers, and be there for a moment of adrenaline rush. It can be a trip at high speed, watching a horror movie, flying in an airplane, attractions. An emotional greeting will also help to get closer. A slightly more relaxed and joyful meeting will make your partner rejoice at you also violently at the next meeting.

Most effective ways location of the interlocutor.

This article will present the most effective and reliable ways to win over an interlocutor. All of them are psychological tricks aimed at a good-natured impact that does not entail insult, humiliation or suppression of the individual.

primary goal using the methods below is to learn how to win over people, help them begin to trust you and gradually lead to the act, action or decision you need. Next, we will consider some of the most common and effective techniques that will surely allow you to win over the interlocutor.

1. Asking for help or favors.

In the case of asking for help or a favor from a person, you let him know that if any need arises for him, then he can safely turn to you. It follows from this that he will do as he would like you to do in response to his request. Having helped you once, a person will be much more disposed towards you than someone to whom you once did a favor and he feels obligated.

For the first time, this psychological factor drew attention. To get in touch with a person, negatively disposed towards him and win him over, Franklin decided to approach him with a request to lend a very rare and expensive book. He formulated his request very politely and correctly, and expressed even greater politeness in gratitude for the fact that the person did not refuse him. This had the expected effect, and, after a while, the person who was negatively disposed towards Franklin became his friend. Since then, this psychological technique has been called the Benjamin Franklin effect.

2. Exaggerate the request.

If you want to lead him to perform a certain action at the same time, you need to slightly exaggerate the actual request. The bottom line is this: by asking a person for something that he cannot or will not do, you will make him refuse you. Having refused, the interlocutor will feel embarrassed and feel discomfort, due to the fact that he refused to help you. After some time, make the request that was initially interesting for you, and with a high probability the person will agree to fulfill it, as he will feel guilty for the previous refusal.

3. Use your name and status in communication.

The world-famous psychologist has long been considered a professional in the skill, he has written many books on the subject and achieved great success in this field. In his works, he advises to give great attention status, title and name of a person. It's not a secret for anyone that every person loves himself and his name to some extent, because it is it that all his life, as it were, designates himself for a person and is the most harmonious and pleasant word. And, consequently, the person who pronounces this word becomes a pleasant and positive interlocutor.

The use of the title, position or social status of a person has the same effect. This is one of the reasons why in the structures of law and order, military structures, it is customary to use the rank when referring to the elders, and then, if necessary, the name. With the help of such a turnover, discipline and respect for seniors are regulated.

If you want to be friends with a person, call him your friend more often in conversation. This will certainly affect his attitude towards you, and will speed up the establishment of friendly contact. Turning to the interlocutor "" or "", will significantly increase your chances of working for him soon.

4. Flattery as a way to win over people.

It's no secret that flattery almost always takes place if a person wants to please the interlocutor. This is the most obvious and, at first glance, reliable way to leave a positive impression of yourself. However, there are two nuances to the use of flattery tools that you should pay attention to so that the effect does not turn out to be negative. Firstly, sincerity. If the interlocutor feels that you are not sincere, then it is quite possible that he will conclude that you are prone to deceit, and the opinion of you will remain negative. Secondly, you need to study the person you are flattering. If in front of you, with high self-esteem, then for him flattery will look like a confirmation of his own opinion about himself. If the interlocutor has low self-esteem, complexes, then flattery can lead to negative emotions, since your opinion will differ from his own views. Naturally, this does not mean that such an interlocutor needs to be humiliated - a light compliment is quite suitable.

5. Use the manner of the interlocutor.

The technique of using gestures, behavior and manner of speaking an opponent in science is called mimicry. A person tends to use this technique even on a subconscious level, not at all trying to copy someone else's habits or manner of communicating. But many turn to these methods consciously, with the aim of win people over.

This technique is successful for the same reason that Dale Carnegie's technique is successful in cases involving the use of a name, title, or social status. A person loves himself, and seeing himself from the outside gives him positive emotions, and the fact that the opponent reflects him makes him feel like a person. These feelings cheer up a person, therefore, even after some time, communication with other people will also bring more positive emotions for someone who has recently communicated with an interlocutor imitating him. We treat those who are similar to us much better than our antipodes.

6. Fatigue of the interlocutor - as a guarantor of the promise to fulfill the request.

A tired interlocutor will always strive to complete the dialogue faster and will not want to fulfill any requests or make decisions right now. A person, in the case when he feels physically tired, also feels moral fatigue, the level of physical and mental energy decreases, susceptibility to other people's words and appeals increases. It follows from this that the most likely answer that you will receive to your request from a tired interlocutor is a guarantee to fulfill your request tomorrow. And the next day, since the word has already been given, the opponent is likely to do what he promised - because none of us wants to show ourselves as an unreliable person who does not keep his word.

7. Start small.

This technique is completely opposite to that which was presented in the second paragraph. Checking the effectiveness of its use was carried out in the field of marketing activities. Initially, the marketing company asked people to show their support for the advocacy campaign. environment by voting in in social networks. After people supported this idea, they were approached with a request to buy a certain product, guaranteeing that all funds would be directed to the implementation of the same nature protection project. And most of the people responded to this request by buying the goods.

This experiment indicates that if you asked a person for some small favor, and he provided it to you, then he is much more likely to fulfill a more significant request. But it is worth considering that with next request a person should not be contacted immediately after he has performed an insignificant service, but after a couple of days.

8. Listen to the interlocutor.

Quite often there are situations when a person, without listening to his opponent, interrupts him and begins to prove that he is wrong. Of course, such behavior not only does not make the interlocutor happy, but also forces him to enter into an argument with you, which is quite likely to develop into a major quarrel. by getting into a quarrel with them and showing disrespect for their opinion? Such a situation will most likely have the opposite effect and you will part with your interlocutor as enemies. Therefore, first of all, it is necessary to listen to the interlocutor to the end, even if you do not share his point of view, ask questions that interest you, try to understand and feel the interlocutor's idea. After all, something made him think that way. Perhaps you will find similar positions, or highlight for yourself those moments of the interlocutor's reasoning that are close and clear to you. Do not immediately start to convince - initially agree with the opponent, it is more interesting for people to have a dialogue with those who support their idea.

9. Use phrases of the interlocutor

The technique of reflective listening is often used both in everyday communication and in practical psychology. Often when the therapist tries position the patient and establish a connection with him, he refers specifically to the method of reflex listening. The patient begins to talk more about himself, more willingly shares his experiences, which makes his treatment more effective. This technique consists in listening carefully to the interlocutor, choosing a phrase from his conversation and paraphrasing, perhaps building it into a question, repeating it again, turning it to him.

The psychology of a person is such that when he hears such a question from you or simply repeats his phrase, he will conclude that you are listening carefully to him, are interested in dialogue, and, therefore, will begin to trust you more and listen to your advice and your opinion in general.

10. Be right.

Each interlocutor is interested in the fact that the opponent agrees with his opinion and tries to convince him that he is right. Want to win over an interlocutor nod while listening to him. People at the subconscious level perceive nodding - as support for the idea and agreement with it, so the person will see that you support his opinion. If a person sees that throughout the dialogue you agreed with him, then after that it will make it easier for you to convince him and believe in the correctness of your point of view.

In order to choose the right ways to locate the interlocutor, you must first understand what kind of person is in front of you, his main psychological features and character traits, and only after making certain conclusions, psychological tools of influence should be used.

Finally, the video, to consolidate the main ways of accommodating the interlocutor:

Instruction

It is equally important to smile affably when speaking. This is required to call . The smile should be appropriate in the course of the conversation: welcoming, encouraging, sympathetic.

A special place in belongs to a compliment. It is versatile and efficient in order to position interlocutor to yourself. Everyone favors complements, as it is nice to hear about yourself good. Do not confuse compliment with. A flatterer is able to greatly exaggerate dignity interlocutor. A compliment will definitely make you smile. It is important that the compliment does not contradict reality too much. For example, a sick person cannot look beautiful. His desire can be expressed in neutral words.

The next thing to help you locate yourself interlocutor is the ability to listen. The listening person will always be in a better position, as he can influence the process in the future. Your ability to listen will probably be beneficial to your business. listening interlocutor try not to be distracted.

Important element helping to reach the location yourself- your view. Speak and listen interlocutor looking into his eyes. You can be distracted by another object with your gaze every ten seconds, after two or three seconds again directing attention to the counterpart.

During a conversation, you will be better perceived if you are close and a little to the side.
Use these methods and your goal is to position yourself interlocutor, will be reached.

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• tricks to get yourself in 2019

Along with the death penalty, isolation in solitary confinement is considered one of the most severe punishments. It is even worse when a free person for some reason cannot build relationships with other people. Regardless of what goals an individual pursues, they are easy enough to achieve if you follow a few simple rules.

Each of us once dealt with people who literally attract attention and seem to be extremely convincing and successful. Undoubtedly, someone has such abilities from birth, but you should not burn with envy - if you try a little, you can develop all these qualities in yourself.

The importance of first impressions

It takes only 40 seconds for a person to form a first impression. Regardless of whether the first impression was wrong or turned out to be true, it is imprinted in the subconscious for a long time and is practically unchangeable. Therefore, even getting up on the wrong foot, you should make an effort on yourself and try to look friendly at least in the first minutes of meeting you. Talk about appearance and it’s not worth it at all, the fact that “they are met by clothes” has long been known to everyone and even managed to become boring.

Structure of speech and manner of speaking

Most importantly, a deep impression of a person is formed solely by the way he speaks, how competently and clearly he expresses his thoughts. Therefore, in order to improve your manner of speech, you should mainly communicate with people whose speaking skills are well developed. It's even good to just listen and learn. It is important to read books, at least 10 pages daily. Even better, do it out loud.

Behavior in society

Be confident in what you do or say, or at least pretend to. Do not take closed poses, work on facial expressions and gestures.

It has long been known that the most important principles good communication is:

Be positive, no one likes losers and whiners. Everyone is intuitively drawn to success and happy people because they want to be.

Show your interlocutor your interest and not be afraid to ask questions.

Find similarities between yourself and the interlocutor.

If you follow all these simple principles and improve your communication skills, you will soon notice that the eyes of the interlocutors are burning with sparks of interest and attention.

Mutual arrangement interlocutors

The angle at which people stand in relation to each other provides information about their relationships and relationships.

When the bodies of two people during communication are deployed towards the imaginary apex of the triangle, then such a pose is a non-verbal invitation to a third person - an open position, such an angle indicates the relaxed nature of the conversation. If the fourth person is accepted into the company, then a square is formed, and if the fifth, then two triangles or a circle are formed. When it is required to establish a relationship of ownership or intimacy, then the angle between the bodies decreases to zero degrees - a closed position. Closed position can also be used to express a non-verbal call to people who are hostile to each other.

Most often, when a doctor communicates with patients, there is a table. The nature of the conversation depends on the location of the interlocutors at the table. corner arrangement(the chair is located on the side of the table) is typical for people engaged in friendly, relaxed conversation. This position promotes constant eye contact and provides room for gesticulation and the opportunity to observe the gestures of the interlocutors. The corner of the table serves as a partial barrier in case of danger or threat from the interlocutor. With this arrangement, there is no territorial division of the table. The position of business interaction at the table, next to the interlocutor - the position of presentation, discussion and development common solutions. Position at the table facing each other can cause a defensive attitude and an atmosphere of competition.

If during a conversation the speaker leans towards the listener, this shows his interest, and also serves as a sign of attention, is perceived as courtesy. A person leans back who thinks about his own, having lost interest in the conversation, or internally objects. Therefore, we feel awkward with someone who, when interacting with us, leans back or falls apart in a chair.

facial expressions

facial expressions- these are coordinated movements of the muscles of the face, reflecting the state and feelings of a person. There are facial expressions of the upper part of the face and facial expressions of the lower part of the face. Numerous experiments have shown that top part The face is controlled better than the bottom one. Therefore, the facial expressions of the lower part of the face are more informative, more accurately convey the state and mood of a person. Lips are especially expressive. The corners of the mouth are an indicator of vitality. The corners of the mouth, lowered down, indicate a lowered mood. With good health and mood, high vitality, the line of the mouth is straight. Excessive smiling often expresses a need for approval and dependence on others. The frontal muscle is the muscle of attention and alertness. It is involved in danger, in a situation of aggravation of relationships, often associated with the manifestation of aggressive tendencies. Grief, care, suffering give a combination of vertical and horizontal wrinkles, which causes an oblique, diagonal arrangement of the eyebrows.

R. Rosenthal showed that it is easier to recognize emotions by facial expression than by tone of voice. It is known that the human face is asymmetrical. If you cut the photo vertically, put the halves to the mirror and compare, then we will see ... two different faces! Emotional condition more accurately reflected on the left side, which is controlled by right hemisphere the brain responsible for emotions. Therefore, it is better to sit to the left of the interlocutor: it is easier to observe his reaction to our words and it is possible, if necessary, not to give out your real feelings.

Eye signals

The gaze is a key element of non-verbal communication. As a rule, it is with a glance that the interlocutor expresses interest in the conversation. A shifty look most often indicates boredom or a desire to take the floor in turn (unless it expresses fear or guilt).

The functions of gaze, as well as all non-verbal behavior, depend on the type of culture. So, in African countries and in the East, lowering the eyes of the listener in front of the speaker is a sign of respect for the latter.

In the face of a partner, when communicating, we are most attracted to the eyes: we look into the eyes more often than at other parts of the face. People look at each other 30% to 60% of the conversation. The experiment found that if a person looks at a communication partner for more than 2/3 of the time, then he is more interested in the interlocutor himself than in what he says. This can mean either interest and attraction (pupils dilated) or hostility (pupils constricted).

But people avoid eye contact in competitive situations so that the gaze is not understood as an expression of hostility.

All people are more inclined to look at those with whom they have a close relationship, as well as those with whom they admire. In a group, the leader is looked at the most.