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Hearing
The main thing is to be sure to let the person talk. Do not be afraid of the flow of revelations and panic: no one requires you to be active and immediately solve all problems. It is also better to leave questions, advice and universal wisdom for later: at this stage, a person just needs to know that he is not alone, that he is heard, that they sincerely sympathize with him.
To listen does not mean to freeze like an idol and be silent until the very end of the monologue. This behavior is more like indifference. It is possible and even necessary to show “signs of life” in order to console loved one: say “Yes”, “I understand you”, sometimes repeat words or phrases that seemed key - all this will show that you really care. And at the same time it will help to gather your thoughts: both to the interlocutor, and, by the way, to yourself.
This is a gesture
Exists the simplest set gestures to help sympathizers. An open posture (without arms crossed on the chest), a slightly bowed head (preferably at the same level as the head of the person you are listening to), understanding nods, an approving grunt in time with the conversation and open palms are subconsciously perceived as a sign of attention and participation. When we are talking about a loved one with whom you are used to maintaining bodily contact, soothing touches and stroking will not interfere. If the speaker becomes hysterical, and this also often happens, then one option to calm him down is to give him a big hug. By doing this, you will, as it were, inform him: I am near, I accept you, you are safe.
It is better not to experiment with unfamiliar people in relation to bodily contact: firstly, you yourself may feel embarrassed; secondly, a person with a rigid personal space can be repulsed by such behavior. It is also worth being very careful if you have a victim of physical violence in front of you.
no change
You can not go in cycles in stress, many of us believe. “Pull yourself together!”, “Find a reason to be happy” - these are the standard set of phrases that the culture of global positiveness and lightness of being hammers into our heads. Alas, all these attitudes in 90 cases out of 100 have the opposite effect and do not help to comfort a person with words at all. Sacredly believing that it is necessary to look for pluses in everything, we learn not to work on the problem, but to fill it with a mass of conditionally positive experiences. As a result, the problem does not disappear anywhere, and it becomes more and more difficult to return to it and try to solve it every day.
If a person constantly returns to the same topic, it means that stress is still making itself felt. Let him talk for as long as it takes (assuming you endure the process yourself). See how it got easier? Excellent. You can slowly change the subject.
If specifically
What words to comfort a person? Often, the person in trouble feels like a social outcast - it seems to him that his misfortunes are unique and no one cares about his experiences. The phrase "Is there anything I can do to help?" seems banal and insipid, but nevertheless it shows your willingness to share the problem and be in the same boat with the victim. And it’s even better to offer something specific: “Do you want me to come to you right now and we will discuss everything?”, “Dictate a list of what you need - I’ll bring it within a day”, “Now I’ll call all the lawyers I know (doctors, psychologists), maybe what will they advise” or simply “Come at any time”. And even if the answer is an irritated grumbling in the style of “No need, I’ll figure it out myself,” the very desire to help will have a positive effect.
Help should be offered only if you are really ready for exploits, wasting time, money and emotions. Do not overestimate your strength, promising what you cannot deliver, in the end it will only get worse.
supervised
Assurances like “Don’t touch me, leave me alone, I want to be alone” often speak not so much of the desire to cope with the situation alone, but of excessive obsession with the problem and, unfortunately, a state close to panic. Therefore, it is not recommended to leave it alone for a long time. Unless for an extremely limited period of time, while being close and keeping abreast.
Quite often the mood to withdraw into oneself provokes the excessive curiosity of others, sometimes even those who are not close at all, their excessive pity, patronizing attitude. Nobody likes it. Therefore, when you see someone in such a state in front of you, you should moderate the level of your feelings and sympathy (at least externally) and make it clear that you are not going to teach him life or crush him with authority, but at the same time you sincerely want to help.
He she
We are used to believing that a woman is an emotionally unstable creature and is always prone to hysterical reactions, while a man is strong and resistant by default, therefore he is able to cope with stress alone. However, this is not entirely true.
Recent studies by scientists show that a socially isolated man tolerates stress much worse than a woman left alone: he is more prone to withdrawing into himself and depression (and girls even increase immunity in force majeure situations!). And the problem that we, emotional, will survive and still forget, can torment the male brain for a long time. Psychologists believe that such a protracted reaction is a consequence of the fact that boys from childhood are taught to be silent and monitor their reputation more than a state of psychological comfort.
A man needs comfort, but actions will bring it rather than words. How to console a loved one? Your arrival, a delicious dinner, an unobtrusive attempt to stir up will work much better than verbal confessions. In addition, the active behavior of someone nearby brings men to themselves. And also let him know that it won’t hurt him to speak out and you don’t see anything wrong with that.
Saving those who help
Sometimes we get so carried away with saving drowning people that it becomes an obsession. Which, by the way, the victim himself indulges: having got used to your willingness to listen, he, without realizing it, turns into your personal energy vampire and begins to dump all negative emotions on your fragile shoulders. If this goes on too long, you will soon need help yourself.
By the way, for some people the opportunity to help someone turns into a way to get away from their own problems. It is absolutely not worth allowing this - sooner or later there is a risk of coming to a full-fledged nervous breakdown.
If, after long and, as it seems to you, therapeutic conversations, you feel squeezed out like a lemon, fatigue, sleep disturbances, irritability appear, you should slow down a bit. In this state, you are unlikely to help anyone, but you can easily harm yourself.
Depression
We like to use the diagnosis of "depression" with or without cause. And although only a specialist can diagnose this disease, there are still common signs, with the manifestation of which you need to urgently seek qualified help. It:
Apathy, sadness, the prevalence of bad mood;
Loss of strength, motor retardation or, conversely, nervous fussiness;
Slowing down speech, long pauses, freezing in place;
Decreased concentration;
Loss of interest in habitually joyful things and events;
Loss of appetite;
Insomnia;
Decreased sex drive.
At least a couple of symptoms from the above - and you really should find a good psychotherapist for the victim.
Text: Daria Zelentsova
18 140 174 0
If it is difficult for a person you care about, you should be there. Even those who do not want to appear weak are waiting for a kind word. This makes it easier to deal with problems. Yes, circumstances are not always conducive to this. But if you are alive and well, did not fly on an expedition into space, then there are many ways to support a loved one without a personal presence. One option is messengers.
In dark times, bright people are clearly visible.
Erich Maria Remarque
For these words to touch you with positive side, offer full list with examples of supportive messages that can be sent. Copy SMS and immediately send to the recipient.
Universal
In your own words
* * *
I want you to know that even in this moment you are not alone. There are many like you. Lots of. You just don't know. And this confirms the fact that it can be experienced!
* * *
To reach the goal, you must first of all go. If something happened, then you are not standing still. This is just an event that met along the road of life. Nothing just happens.
* * *
The biggest mistake you can make in life is the constant fear of making mistakes.
* * *
Life is not suffering. It's just that you suffer from it, instead of living and enjoying it.
* * *
There is no point in looking for a place where you will feel good. It makes sense to learn how to create it well anywhere.
* * *
* * *
When you feel very bad, raise your head. You will definitely see the sunshine.
* * *
When you really want something, the whole Universe will help to ensure that your desire comes true.
* * *
You can only see what you believe. Believe and you will see.
* * *
Fuck everyone who doesn't believe in you. Remember once and for all: faith in your own strength is the main incentive to achieve your goal.
* * *
If you don't believe in yourself, you won't achieve anything. Therefore, avoid those who make you doubt your own abilities.
* * *
Do not waste your thoughts, emotions and feelings on unworthy people.
* * *
Helping others improves your own life.
In verse
* * *
While we are alive, we can fix everything ...
Realize everything, repent ... Forgive.
Do not take revenge on enemies, do not dissemble loved ones,
Friends that pushed away, return ...
While we are alive, you can look back ...
See the path you came from.
Waking up from terrible dreams, push off
From the abyss to which they approached.
While we are alive ... How many have managed
Stop loved ones that are gone?
We did not have time to forgive them in life,
And to ask for forgiveness, - Could not.
When they leave in silence
There, from where there is definitely no return,
Sometimes it takes a few minutes
Understand - oh my God, how guilty we are ...
And the photo is a black and white movie.
Tired eyes - a familiar look.
They already forgave us a long time ago
For the fact that they were too rarely around,
For no calls, no meetings, no warmth.
Not faces in front of us, just shadows...
And how much was not said
And not about that, and not with those phrases.
Tight pain - guilt final touch -
Scraping, cold skin.
For all that we have not done for them,
They forgive. We cannot ourselves...
* * *
When a tear drips from pain ...
You sit quietly in silence ...
Close your eyes, and realizing that you are tired ...
Tell yourself alone...
I will be happy! No matter what!
* * *
Yes, everyone is missing something...
That snow for some reason quickly melts,
That morning comes late
There are no warm days.
There is always something lacking.
But, living the rest of the days,
Suddenly I see - there is no lack
Nothing ... just not enough years
To stop getting angry
To life and enjoy it.
* * *
You don't have to live to get to heaven
And you need to create a paradise!
Do not slander, do not betray
And don't steal the lives of others.
Sometimes an atheist
According to my conscience
Closer to God than an artist
What is in the cassock for people ...
Once God is in the heart, then heaven is in the soul!
And if it's dark
You can't get to heaven already
Hell no matter...
Loss of a loved one
parents
* * *
Hold on! In memory of my mother. She wouldn't want to see you in despair.
* * *
The death of a loved one is an irreparable grief. I understand how hard it is for you. Be strong in spirit.
* * *
A bright memory of her forever in our hearts. She was a good person, you need to continue to carry out her mission.
* * *
We sincerely mourn and condole with you at this bitter moment.
* * *
We will carry a bright and kind memory of him throughout our lives.
child
* * *
Accept my condolences! There has never been a better one, and there never will be. But in yours and in our hearts, he will remain young, strong, full of life man. Everlasting memory! Hold on!
* * *
Condolences to you! You need to find the strength in yourself to survive these most difficult moments and hard days. In our memory he will forever remain a good man!
* * *
Let me express my most sincere condolences on the occasion of a heavy, irreparable loss!
* * *
For all of us, he will remain an example of love of life. And may his love of life illuminate your emptiness and grief of loss, help you survive the time of farewell. We mourn with you Hard time and we will remember him forever!
* * *
It is very bitter to lose loved ones and relatives, but it is doubly difficult when young, beautiful and strong leave us. God rest his soul!
* * *
I would like to find words to somehow ease your pain, but are there such words on earth at all. Hold on for the sake of blessed memory. Everlasting memory!
Husband/wife
* * *
Love never dies, the memory of it will always light up your heart. You just believe in it!
* * *
A loved one does not die, but simply ceases to be near. In your memory, in your soul, your love will be eternal! Be strong!
* * *
The past cannot be returned, but the bright memory of this love will remain with you for life. Be strong!
* * *
I grieve with you at this difficult moment. But for the sake of children, for the sake of loved ones, you need to survive these mournful days. Invisibly, he will always be there - in the soul and in our eternal memory of this bright man.
Relatives
* * *
My condolences! It hurts to think about it, it's hard to talk about it. I sympathize with your pain! Everlasting memory!
* * *
Little consolation, but know that we are with you in grief of loss and sincerely empathize with your entire family! Everlasting memory!
* * *
Please accept my sincere condolences! What a man! As she lived modestly and quietly, she left humbly, as if a candle had gone out. Heavenly kingdom to her!
Friends
* * *
I know he meant a lot to you. They say heaven takes the best. Let's believe in it and pray for his soul!
* * *
You were like sisters, I understand your feelings. I want to share this grief with you. How can I help you? You can always count on my support.
* * *
He was a good person. I understand how difficult it is for you right now. Time heals wounds, you must be strong for the sake of your best friend. he wouldn't want you to sag.
* * *
I am very sorry that this happened. I'm truly sorry! You hold on. Your friend is watching you from the sky. Make him proud of you. For the sake of your friendship.
Disease
Addressee
* * *
God does not send such trials to a person that he is unable to survive. So you can, and you will definitely cope with it. I believe!
* * *
Listen to the advice of doctors and take care of yourself. For the sake of a happy future and people who care about you.
* * *
I'm sorry about what happened. Remember, you can always count on me.
* * *
The soul would not have a rainbow if the eyes did not have tears. You'll be fine.
* * *
Everything will be fine. You will get better and life will be filled bright colors, remember: after the black stripe there is always a white one!
* * *
Believe in your recovery good mood and optimism can play an important role. Everything will be fine! It cannot be otherwise!
* * *
Let it be bad now, but then everything will be fine. Everything will change and the pain will recede. God will give strength to endure everything, do not lose hope, hold on.
* * *
Think positive, believe in recovery, do not succumb to illness, fight! It's hard, but you have to keep going! We love you and believe that together we will definitely overcome the disease.
close person of the addressee
* * *
He (she) will definitely recover, you just need to believe and not lose hope.
* * *
Everything will be fine! We are always there. If you need help - get in touch.
* * *
Think only about the good! The disease will pass, he (she) will recover. It won't always be bad. You just have to wait.
* * *
We will pray for him (her), and you hold on!
* * *
God does not send trials that a person cannot survive. And she can! We are sure of it! If you need our help, please contact us. Let's do our best and get better!
Treason
Husband
* * *
Everything in life is for the better, only we understand this over time. The pain will subside, and you will look at the world with different eyes. And then there will be already much worthy people nearby!
* * *
Darling, everything will pass, everything will be fine. I know you Strong woman, you can do it. He didn't deserve you. Find the strength to endure this pain. And believe me, all the good things are ahead!
* * *
Everything will be alright. You are a self-sufficient and smart woman. Gather the pain into a fist and throw it away along with all the memories.
* * *
Start life from scratch, do not think about the past. This can be learned. You can do it!
If a close friend has a similar situation, for example, find out and help her with good advice.
Wives
* * *
A woman does not cheat with her body, she cheats with her soul - remember these words. Why do you need a person who betrayed? Find the strength within yourself to get through this. And the sooner you do this, the sooner something good will knock on your life.
* * *
When you leave, you need to leave! Find the strength not to return to the place where you were once betrayed. If you need moral support, you can always contact me. I think you deserve better treatment!
* * *
Respect yourself and understand that you are not on your way with this person. She doesn't deserve respect. Forgive her, let her go and make room next to you for a more worthy woman.
Find out and help the man make the right decision.
guy
Life filters people who don't deserve you. be grateful higher powers that they care about you and remove from your life those who will not make you happy. It's hard for you right now, that's okay. But over time, you will be convinced that everything is only for the better.
* * *
Don't worry, this is not the last man on Earth.
* * *
He doesn't deserve your suffering, be strong.
* * *
You are beautiful, interesting and smart, so therefore you are not threatened by loneliness.
* * *
I will always support you, you deserve the best. Remember this, and do not humiliate yourself.
girls
* * *
Consider that in this way, forces from above filter people who you do not need. Head higher and forward, the light did not converge on it like a wedge.
* * *
You strong guy You can cut her out of your life. I will always support you!
* * *
You good guy, it is her own fault that she did not value you.
* * *
Everything will be fine, the girls themselves will hang around your neck, you're a macho!
In verse
* * *
How people's lives filter. Noticed?
But she is smarter and wiser,
Yesterday we slept in the same bed,
Not even among friends today.
* * *
Braga is stronger in someone else's glass.
The chest is larger in someone else's wife.
When half a step to the abyss,
we are no longer needed.
I understood one of the truths
that the pig will find dirt everywhere.
Not enough bullets to shoot at the rats
that escape from the ship.
Changed
* * *
Don't blame yourself for what happened. It is human nature to make mistakes. Let this mistake teach you a great lesson: every sunset is the beginning of a new, bright dawn.
* * *
I don't blame you, and I don't support you. After that you didn't a bad person you just made a mistake. Do not try to fix the problem, try to fix your thoughts, and then, I am sure, the problem will be solved by itself.
* * *
You can't forget it. But you can stop blaming yourself, and then you will remember it less often.
* * *
There are reasons for everything, and I'm sure you had them too. Do not blame yourself. The one to whom you are really important will not reject you even after what happened, and will give you the opportunity to explain. The important thing is that you sincerely regret it, and have drawn the right conclusions. There are many examples in the world when, after betrayal, people really begin to appreciate each other and are more afraid of losing than those who remain faithful. The former faced the problem head-on, and can assess all the risks. I wish everything goes well!
Betrayal
Friend
* * *
A person who betrayed love can be justified, but a person who betrayed friendship cannot! Draw the right conclusions, and learn to live without this person.
* * *
Pull yourself together and understand that a true friend I couldn't do this to you! Dry your tears and start singing!
* * *
They say that true friends cannot be replaced, your friends easily replaced you. Conclusion - there were no "real". Everything is ahead, believe me!
* * *
I wonder what your former best friends are doing now, probably saying nasty things about you to those they used to say nasty things about. You don't need such people. You are the best and hang out with the best!
Colleagues
* * *
Life provides us with experience in the form of communication with different people. Smoky and not so good or bad. Learn from this lesson and move on. Now you are one situation more experienced! And that's a plus!
* * *
Let it be for you only good lesson and not suffering. Draw conclusions about this person and communicate with him only at work.
* * *
The main thing is to remain a person in this situation, do not act out of spite.
* * *
Don't sink to someone else's level, and don't let other people drag you down.
Relatives
* * *
You will now calm down, because you have already been given the full measure of our sincere sympathy. And now there is no time to cry, the matter is waiting.
* * *
I understand that it is hard to realize his betrayal, but now you see who surrounds you. And you can change that by talking only with the worthy.
Dismissal
In your own words
* * *
Each finish is the start for something completely new.
Everything will be as it should be. Even if it's different.
* * *
I understand how difficult it is for you right now. But you hold on, you're strong (s), you will succeed.
* * *
If you want to discuss something, you can always count on me.
* * *
Everything will definitely be fine. Everything will end well, and if it's not good yet, then this is not the end.
* * *
You are a good worker, you still have everything ahead of you!
* * *
Everything will work out, you will find the job of your dreams, most importantly, take care of your health.
* * *
I can't go through this for you. But I can live it with you. And together we can do everything.
* * *
Chaos and trouble precede great change - remember that.
* * *
Most likely, the problem will not disappear in 24 hours. But in 24 hours your attitude to this problem can change. Let's change this together. You can always count on my help.
In verse
* * *
“She has no chance,” circumstances declared loudly.
"She's a loser," people shouted.
“She will succeed,” God said quietly.
* * *
You will win - I know for sure.
You will get through - I believe in it.
And not bent and not broken
You hits and losses.
Let it be smooth only on paper -
Although there are many trials
You will overcome step by step
All of them! No matter what!
Accident
In your own words
* * *
Honey, you will get better and soon we will run to discos :)
* * *
Everything will be fine, no one is to blame for what happened!
* * *
The guardian angel protects you, because he gave you a chance to live.
* * *
Nothing terrible happened, everyone is alive, and this is the most important thing.
* * *
I'll come to you for tea, bring cookies and heal you :)
In verse
People, cherish every day
Treasure every minute.
We only live once on earth
Rejoice, it's morning again!
God gave life and blessed us,
May we walk on the right path.
After all, it is not in vain that He instilled a soul in us,
To ask later, beyond that threshold.
Live, love, help each other
We must, it cannot be otherwise.
And for this - God's grace,
And spiritually you will become richer.
Years fly by unnoticed
Rejoice and enjoy life!
Do not skimp on kind words
Please everyone and smile more often!
Animal death
Briefly in your own words
* * *
Sorry. It's like losing a loved one. I understand you. Everything will be fine, hold on.
* * *
Just believe that your dog is there - invisibly nearby.
* * *
I understand how you feel, time will pass and you will feel better.
* * *
You've been in worse situations. And nothing, you did it! And you'll be fine, I'm sure!
* * *
Everything will be fine! We will get through this together.
* * *
I can see how dear he was to you, but keep on living.
Find out and help a person who is ill. For him, this is the same as losing a loved one.
Depressed
In your own words
* * *
Believe in the word that there is something to live for. You're just closed to it right now. Time will pass and life will take on colors. Trust me, faith will help this fact happen faster.
* * *
Remember, it won't always be like this. We'll laugh at this together.
* * *
Life is not suffering. It's just that you suffer it instead of living and enjoying it. Remember this as soon as sadness wants to take possession of you.
* * *
Most people are as happy as they allow themselves to be. Allow yourself to be happy.
In verse
Or maybe just get up on the other foot,
And instead of coffee, take and drink juice ...
And turn your usual steps
In the direction where there will be more use ...
And on this day, do everything wrong:
Put from the end to the beginning of the number,
And the most insignificant trifle
Fill with good and high meaning.
And do what no one expects
And laugh where you cried so much
And the feeling of hopelessness will pass
And the sun will rise where the rain dripped.
From the circle wound by fate
Take it and jump out at the station of the unknown...
You will be surprised - the world is completely different,
And life is more unexpected, and more interesting.
Motivating
In your own words
* * *
The fate of the person who sits in the seat does not move either. Go ahead, I believe in you!
* * *
You cannot change the direction of the wind, but you can always raise the sails to reach your goal.
* * *
There is no point in looking for a place where you will feel good. It makes sense to learn how to create it well anywhere ...
* * *
Remember that when you really want something, the whole Universe will help to make your desire come true.
In verse
Look into your eyes again.
Fly forward again.
Just back - you can not.
Everything that has passed does not count.
And it's easy to let go.
Believe: movement is life.
The past is far away
Just don't turn around!
Beloved girlfriend/wife
In your own words
* * *
My love, everything will be fine, you are strong! I'm always there, remember that!
* * *
Honey, you can always rely on me!
* * *
Remember: we ourselves invent problems, barriers, complexes and frameworks for ourselves. Free yourself - breathe life and understand that you can do everything. I love you and that's the main thing.
* * *
You are the best woman for me in the whole world, remember that. Smile and never sour.
* * *
Darling, there will always be people who will hurt you. You have to keep trusting people, just be a little more careful.
* * *
The secret of happiness, my dear, is to enjoy every little thing and not get upset over every stupid thing.
* * *
You are the most the best man in the world. And the best will be fine. You just need to be a little patient. Remember - sugar at the bottom. As long as you have me, we can handle it.
In verse
* * *
If only, baby, I could
When it's so hard for you
Substitute two wings on the fly
Under your weary wing.
If I could make it
Disperse the clouds above you
So that you forget all the worries of the day
And peace returned to again.
It's a pity, but I'm just a woman - not God,
My heart is with you, and you hold on.
So that you can withstand the storm,
I pray quietly for your life.
* * *
Who hung their nose so low?
Who is sad for no apparent reason?
So I want you to be happy again
Do not invent stupid things!
Let your mood jump
Look at the colors in life again!
Happiness lies ahead
Well - give me a smile quickly!
* * *
There is no point in any line.
And a glass - for success ahead.
Girlfriend / friend
In your own words
* * *
This world is yours, just be yourself always!
* * *
Remember that you will always be the winner in any situation.
* * *
Any problem must be met with a smile. The problem will think that you are stupid and run away :)
* * *
Tomorrow, the one who reads this SMS will find his happiness :)
* * *
Until tomorrow comes, you will not understand how good you were today. Therefore, believe in the best, and do not give up. You are the most best friend in the world!
* * *
You are the best and true friend I am very glad that I have you.
In verse
* * *
When a tear drips from pain ...
When the heart beats with fear...
When the soul hides from the light...
When all life is torn from grief ...
You sit quietly in silence ...
Close your eyes, and realizing that you are tired ...
Tell yourself alone...
I will be happy! No matter what!
* * *
Each of us has a breaking point
When the heart gets heavy
When we feel like we're falling off a cliff
And life becomes like a black spot ...
Each of us has a ray of hope
And someone very close and dear
Will not let you fall into the abyss
And he will say: "Don't be afraid, I'm with you!"
* * *
Smile! There is no place for sadness
In such a beautiful and young soul.
After all, we are sad, to be honest,
There is no point in any line.
Every day is filled with new happiness
And a glass - for success ahead.
You are capable of many things in life
Just believe, don't give up and wait!
Military
In your own words
* * *
You are doing a great job - protecting your homeland! You are strong, may the guardian angel always be there!
* * *
I'm proud of you, you are my protector! I am warmed by the thought that we will soon meet and be together.
* * *
Honey, you're strong, you can handle it! Remember that my thoughts are always with you! We'll meet soon, remember that.
* * *
For me, the military is an example of courage and strength. Therefore, you have no right to give up, life has rewarded you with a worthy position, which is already in your blood. I believe in you! You are the best!
In verse
* * *
Forget everything, don't fall low
Be brave, be happy, dream
Don't take everything too close
And don't take it at all.
Words are just someone's opinion
They mean nothing.
Be strong in battle and change your mind
At the call of your heart.
* * *
Problems were, are and will be,
You don't have to suffer because of them.
Around there are films, books, people -
Find something to keep yourself busy.
Learn to learn from mistakes
(Of course, better on strangers).
And do not be ashamed of stuffed cones,
Life is like that, where would we be without them
Be a positive person
Love people, love yourself
Fill your life with cheerful laughter
Take a deep breath and ... live!
* * *
Our whole life is just a moment,
Dependent on us.
And from diapers to wrinkles
There is a bridge as long as "now".
And we will remember yesterday,
We want to wait tomorrow...
But heaven has its own game ...
Seven rules and reasons.
Live without breaking them
To save the soul.
When the war ends
You will be appreciated...
No need to look for logic
After all, you can not have time
Kiss relatives,
And sing the song of the heart...
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What's in the article:
Comforting a person who has recently lost a loved one, or someone who is terminally ill can be difficult. Today on the Koshechka.ru website we will talk about these 2 global topics that do not have unambiguous solutions.
How to comfort a dying person?
Superficial consolation, expressed by the words: "Well, be strong!" or “How I understand you!” - much worse than simple silence nearby. Paradoxical? But this is true.
What exactly can you do to comfort a person who is mortally ill? In order to understand this, it is important to know that those who are already on the verge are making serious progress in personal terms. A lot is changing:
- little things are no longer so important, but elementary phenomena acquire special value - fallen snow, leaf fall, deafening downpour;
- there is no duty - and the desire for life is aggravated;
- communication with loved ones becomes deeper;
- increased willingness to take risks.
In other words, a person becomes much more sensitive, so every word spoken must be weighed.
How to console a person with words? Paradoxically, but the best consolation for the dying will be his words, listened to by a caring and patient interlocutor. A loving loved one who sincerely empathizes. Listen to those stories, memories, experiences, ask questions, be interested.
How can you console a person who is about to step over the border of our reality? The whole secret is not to console! And just to become even closer and dearer to him and help him fulfill everything that he was going to do in this life, but because of an incurable disease, he may not have time. Do not overprotect, albeit out of a sense of compassion, do not deprive the dying person of independence and responsibility. True, the site understands that another problem arises here - help, and serious, will be needed by a person who will lose a loved one. But more on that below.
Spend as much time as possible with the patient. If he (or she) is able to move, you can go to the sea, to another country, or just get out on a cozy picnic by the lake, feed ducks, ride horses, swim with dolphins, arrange a holiday that a sick person dreams of.
You can console a person not with words, but with some pleasant trifle ...
From the outside it seems that everything is happening, as in a sentimental film, but the moment of farewell comes, and it is inevitable ... Feelings are not at all identical to “bright sadness or melancholy” ...
How to console a person who has lost a loved one?
The question is not easy. And when you see that your friend or acquaintance is suffering from the loss of a loved one, it seems that you understand that tears, despair, depression, sometimes even unwillingness to live are normal reactions, but you still don’t know what to do and what to say.
It is very important not to leave a person without consolation, alone with his grief, because unspoken emotions and experiences can sink deep and result in diseases, infectious, cardiac, psychological, a person may develop addiction to drugs or alcohol, and the risk of accidents increases.
There are many ways to comfort a person after the death of a loved one.
Sometimes just being there is enough. Hug, take by the hand, put your arm around your shoulders and just be silent. Your calmness, sympathy and compassion will be transmitted at the level of subtle matter, just through a warm touch. A person will feel that with the death of a loved one he is not alone. Of course, nothing can replace that native shoulder, but you will be there.
Calm, even conversation - always effective method if you talk with love. Let the topic of conversation be chosen by the person who has experienced grief. Perhaps someone can relax by discussing events that are simply not related to death. Others need to vent their feelings.
Try to involve a person who is experiencing the death of a loved one in some common cause. It will distract.
How to console a person who is in shock from a loss?
- Don't leave a person alone.
- Give him your touch, but if a person repels, do not impose.
- Make sure that he has enough rest so that the person does not forget to eat.
- Be an active listener.
- Say something nice about the deceased if you knew him personally.
Often, many say the wrong words, clumsily comforting, but in fact, only hurting more.
For example, you should not say that a person is exhausted or that you have everything ahead. Or what - yes, indeed, this loss is irreparable. At the same time, do not prevent a person from expressing their emotions and experiences: get angry, cry. It is much worse if outwardly a person seems calm. This suggests that someday this grief will shed and “hit” health, both physical and mental.
Also, do not say on-duty phrases like: "If you need my help, call." After all, a person in a state of grief may simply not have the strength to dial your phone number or write. Try to “pull out” more often: take a walk, go to the cinema.
Every day someone dies, but it is still difficult for us to part with this world, and even more so to understand how best to console a person who is grieving for a loved one. I want to believe that today's tips will help you find answers to these questions.
Eva Raduga - especially for Koshechka.ru - a site for those in love ... with themselves!
And which ones are not worth it? the site will tell you how to provide moral support to a person in a difficult situation.
Grief is a human reaction that occurs as a result of some kind of loss, for example, after the death of a loved one.
4 stages of grief
A person experiencing grief goes through 4 stages:
- shock phase. Lasts from a few seconds to several weeks. It is characterized by disbelief in everything that happens, insensibility, low mobility with periods of hyperactivity, loss of appetite, problems with sleep.
- phase of suffering. Lasts 6 to 7 weeks. It is characterized by weakened attention, inability to concentrate, impaired memory, sleep. Also, a person experiences constant anxiety, a desire to retire, lethargy. There may be pain in the stomach and a sensation of a lump in the throat. If a person is experiencing the death of a loved one, then during this period he can idealize the deceased or, on the contrary, experience anger, rage, irritation or guilt towards him.
- Acceptance phase ends a year after the loss of a loved one. It is characterized by the restoration of sleep and appetite, the ability to plan one's activities taking into account the loss. Sometimes a person still continues to suffer, but attacks occur less and less.
- recovery phase begins after a year and a half, grief is replaced by sadness and a person begins to relate to the loss more calmly.
Should the person be comforted? Undoubtedly yes. If the victim is not helped, then this can lead to infectious, heart disease, alcoholism, accidents, depression. Psychological help is priceless, so support your loved one as much as you can. Interact with him, communicate. Even if it seems to you that the person does not listen to you or does not show attention, do not worry. The time will come when he will remember you with gratitude.
Should you console unfamiliar people? If you feel enough moral strength and desire to help, do it. If a person does not push you away, does not run away, does not scream, then you are doing everything right. If you are not sure that you can comfort the victim, find someone who can do it.
Is there a difference in comforting familiar and unfamiliar people? In fact, no. The only difference is that you know one person more than the other. Once again, if you feel the strength in yourself, then help. Stay close, talk, involve in common activities. Do not be greedy for help, it is never superfluous.
So, let's look at the methods of psychological support in the two most difficult stages of experiencing grief.
shock phase
Your behavior:
- Don't leave the person alone.
- Gently touch the victim. You can take the hand, put your hand on the shoulder, relatives can be stroked on the head, hug. Watch the victim's reaction. Does he accept your touch, does he repel you? If repulsive - do not impose, but do not leave.
- Make sure that the comforted person rests more, does not forget about meals.
- Keep the casualty busy with simple activities, such as some sort of funeral arrangements.
- Listen actively. A person can say strange things, repeat himself, lose the thread of the story, and then return to emotional experiences. Refuse advice and recommendations. Listen carefully, ask clarifying questions, talk about how you understand it. Help the victim to simply speak out his feelings and pain - he will immediately feel better.
Your words:
- Talk about the past in past tense.
- If you know the deceased, tell something nice about him.
Can't say:
- “You can’t recover from such a loss”, “Only time heals”, “You are strong, be strong”. These phrases can cause additional suffering to a person and increase his loneliness.
- “God’s will for everything” (helps only deeply believing people), “Was exhausted”, “He will be better there”, “Forget about it”. Such phrases can greatly hurt the victim, because they sound like a hint to reason with their feelings, not to experience them, or even completely forget about their grief.
- “You are young, beautiful, you will get married / have a baby.” Such phrases can cause irritation. A person experiences a loss in the present, he has not yet recovered from it. And he is invited to dream.
- “Now, if the ambulance arrived on time”, “Now, if the doctors paid more attention to her”, “Now, if I didn’t let him in.” These phrases are empty and do not carry any benefit. Firstly, history does not tolerate the subjunctive mood, and secondly, such expressions only increase the bitterness of loss.
Phase of suffering
Your behavior:
- In this phase, the victim can already be given the opportunity to be alone from time to time.
- Give to the victim more water. He should drink up to 2 liters per day.
- arrange for him physical activity. For example, take him for a walk, do physical work around the house.
- If the victim wants to cry, do not interfere with him to do it. Help him cry. Do not hold back your emotions - cry with him.
- If he shows anger, don't interfere.
Your words:
How to console a person: the right words
- If your ward wants to talk about the deceased, bring the conversation to the realm of feelings: “You are very sad/lonely”, “You are very confused”, “You cannot describe your feelings”. Talk about how you feel.
- Tell me that this suffering is not forever. And loss is not a punishment, but a part of life.
- Do not avoid talking about the deceased if there are people in the room who are extremely worried about this loss. The tactful avoidance of these topics hurts more than the mention of the tragedy.
Can't say:
- “Stop crying, pull yourself together”, “Stop suffering, everything is over” - this is tactless and harmful to psychological health.
- "And someone is worse off than you." Such topics can help in a situation of divorce, parting, but not the death of a loved one. You cannot compare the grief of one person with the grief of another. Comparative conversations can give the person the impression that you don't care about their feelings.
It makes no sense to tell the victim: “If you need help, contact / call me” or ask him “How can I help you?” A person experiencing grief may simply not have the strength to pick up the phone, call and ask for help. He may also forget about your offer.
To prevent this from happening, come and sit with him. As soon as the grief subsides a little - take him for a walk, take him to the store or to the cinema with him. Sometimes it has to be done by force. Don't be afraid to be intrusive. Time will pass, and he will appreciate your help.
How to support a person if you are far away?
Call him. If he does not answer, leave a message on the answering machine, write sms or email e-mail. Express condolences, report your feelings, share memories that characterize the departed from the brightest sides.
Remember that it is necessary to help a person survive grief, especially if this is a person close to you. In addition, it will help to survive the loss not only to him. If the loss touched you too, by helping another, you yourself will be able to experience grief more easily, with less loss to your own mental state. And it will also save you from feelings of guilt - you will not reproach yourself for the fact that you could help, but did not, brushing aside other people's troubles and problems.
At first glance, there is nothing difficult in supporting a person in difficult times or sympathizing with him when necessary. And yet, so many people find it incredibly difficult to find the right words in situations where they are needed most. How to support a person in difficult times and what to say? There is no universal "recipe". And yet, you can learn to understand which words are relevant in which situations. This will allow you to find exactly the support that a person needs most.
Faith and trust
In general, people in life speak very little and hear phrases such as "I believe in you" or "I trust you." Moreover, psychologists believe that it is the lack of direct expressions of feelings and support that leads people to withdraw and “go into themselves.” That is why it is very important not to be shy to say such words to a person. Of course, it is desirable to speak them sincerely, but even if you have doubts, such support will be very useful.
Also, do not confuse the issue of faith and trust. In the first case, it is rather about how parents believe in their child, the wife - in her husband, and so on. But trust, rather, is relevant for friends, comrades, colleagues and those who need to know your attitude towards them. Therefore, when your relatives, friends or acquaintances have any problems or difficulties, just say that you believe in them. As a rule, sometimes already such a small step will be enough for support.
no pity
Often you can meet those who, due to the inability to sympathize or a complete misunderstanding of their words, begin to express pity. It is worth remembering that pitying someone and expressing sympathy or regret are radically different concepts. In most cases, pity will not console or support anyone. Rather, such words will make a person even more withdrawn into himself and feel unnecessary. No wonder it is pity that is considered one of the most destructive feelings.
Therefore, even if you are talking to a very sick person and trying to support him, do not express pity. Instead, try to bring a smile and create a good mood.
condolences
In most cases, people have the hardest time finding the right words when it comes to death and burial. How do you support someone who has just lost a family member or friend while experiencing boundless grief? Many people believe that words are completely unnecessary in such situations, but often this is not the case. It's best to say what you think. People always feel sincerity and reciprocate it.
Even if you find it difficult to find the right words in such a situation, try to offer any help you can. Show that you share the grief and are ready to support the person.
Support and inspiration
Often, support has a lot to do with inspiration. It is enough to say a couple of necessary words so that a person not only gains faith in himself, but also finds the strength to overcome any difficulties. Most often, this type of support is distributed in families. For example, when a husband or wife decides to change jobs and begins to doubt whether they can find a decent job, there is nothing better than support. The faith of the most dear people can inspire any person, but it is worth understanding that it needs to be expressed, and not kept in oneself. Not all people are able to understand and “read” even those people with whom they have lived for years, therefore, in the right situations, it is important to say everything that you think.
Not without reason, most creative people can repeatedly increase their performance and aspiration if they have a source of inspiration. Otherwise, they will not be able to do even what they have always done without much difficulty. Furthermore, creative person far from always even words are needed, it is enough to support him with presence or attention.
support for depression
The most common situations in which people need support are Bad mood, depression and various problems. It is in such cases that the words of a friend, girlfriend, relative or even work colleagues can “pull” a person out of the abyss of despair and bring him back to life. Psychologists always emphasize that people are social beings, therefore the desire to constantly cope with problems alone, although it can train character and willpower, will never make you live in happiness and harmony.
